I am still in so much pain my throat tightens and my eyes burn at the thought of my sweet girl not being with me anymore. She is not the first dog that I lost and Lord knows I've loved them all, she was just different. I can't put my finger on it. She was my daughter. I feel like I've lost my child.
Spring has always been my thing. I look forward to it, get the fever and can't help myself. We'd walk around the yard together and I'd throw weeds and dirt at her and it was the best time. I've been telling her since we moved here that the backyard would be shared by us all. Not only her and Summer and the kids. I couldn't wait to tackle it and really do my stuff to it. This was supposed to be the year. But, I was supposed to do it with her.
I started on my work, get out the sprayer and start to spray the patio where she would lay begging at the door and all the sudden there is a river of Cleopatra floating away. All her hair just appeared in a flood of water and it literally felt like I was washing her away. I don't remember so much pain in my life.
Summer will never be the same without her Cleo. I am trying my best to be what I can for her but I am just not "her dog". I'm seeing her age right before my eyes and it kills me. I know she loves her family but it just is not the same.
The kids still talk about her all the time. Such happy memories. I'm touched to know my kids though of her like I did, like a sister. She will always be in their memories as a special part of their lives. I hope and pray that my grandkids hear all the stories.
Anyway, I guess I just needed to share. I'm waiting for the pain to start to dull. I'm waiting for a dream of her running with all the babies that I've lost before her. I knew that probably too many of you would understand.
(((hugs))) to you and your family. Just had another look at Cleo's rainbow residency, its a lovely tribute. Know what you mean about waiting for a dream, it will come. I've just recently been having the most amazing vivid dreams of my loved ones who have passed, and I've waited for a while for that. Think of the fun times Cleo will be having at the Rainbow Bridge
2 months is a very short time indeed,I am years down the line from my JuJu(Juno) and i still see reminders of her round the house and crack up,and i'm supposed to be a big tough man type.I miss returning home from work and the wife would let her out the front door and she would run round the car screaming and barking like she was telling the neighbourhood that dad was home,then it would be a paw on each shoulder and a big welcome home kiss.
So you carry on and grieve for your baby,it's what we have to do or we go crazy,time will help to ease the pain.
Thank you all. I am trying really hard to find comfort in the garden planning and knowing that I've always loved to do this and hope to make it worthy of her. She deserves nothing less then beautiful.
I still hold her collar and smell it and just love the smell of her with me still. I can still feel her in the ashes that once was the beautiful body that I loved to hold. I know that if I didn't love her so much it wouldn't hurt so bad for her to be gone.
I'll keep waiting for that visit in a dream. I know it will come when I am ready. I know she is waiting on just the right time.
I am so sorry for your loss. As a doberparent that has lost a doberchild I will tell you that I dont think that the pain goes away but the wonderful memories that you have of her will help you get thru this most difficult time. Maybe you could plant a flower or a tree in her memory.
I am in the process of clearing an area to plant a whole water garden in her memory. My mother ordered a memorial plaque for her and it deserves a prominant place. I decided since I couldn't find the perfect place I'd build one just for her. Of course I'll dig up some of my Cleopatra Canna's to plant in "her" garden.
Since she died Summer has only been using her dog house when she goes outside. Usually when I see them go in the dog house that means they want to come inside, LOL. So, I think we are going to keep her house since Summer seems to enjoy using it. They used to always share anyway. Rarely would they go into seperate houses even though the each had one. I'm going to put the garden where Summers house is right by our back patio where I can sit with it every day. I think I may also get one of those small keepsakes urns to place out there somewhere so a small part of her will be out there in the garden. I've heard of people spreading ashes but I just can't see doing that. I'd be afraid they would drift in the wind and I'd never really know that she was really out there.
Well, I've gotten her pond running and her plaque down. It feels good to visit out there and feel peace knowing the garden area is just for her. I just know she likes it. Of course, no dobie head to stick all the way under the water the way she used to drink out of her water bucket right before shaking her head all over the glass door or having it streak all the way down her face leaving a wet line from the back door to the kitchen.
Oreokitty..I know they are there doing the zoomies and running circles around each other just before big ol tongue lashings and a comfy cuddle.