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It all started at 9:15 am this mornin.....My mommy went to the room where they keep the human potty the contraction in there makes way to much noise dunno why they just dont use the great outdoors like i do,WAY much quieter...anyhow she went into this room and i hear the water runnin in the big blue pool. The kids have a great time in this thing but they splash me alot when i go in there. Im like its too early for her to be taking her bath...well i wonder back into my chair into the LR and lay down to commence chewin on the hat i found in the floor. Then i hear my favorite sound. Besides the food bag of course. Kissy sounds for me! My mommy wants kisses while shes in the pool thingy? hmmm so here i go innocently thinkin im gonna go get kisses :) Well Kimberly (shes the smallest of the human babies) says *sassys gonna get a bath* A BATH!!!!!!:help_up_2 Oh NO! i runn for the door but too late Mommys already closed it :( so i stand there givin her my best pout all the while waggin my stubby tail. Trtyin to look cute hoping she will change her mind.Nope..she picks me up n tells me itll b ok but i know differant. My 3rd bath in my short 3 1/2 months and i dotn like it! Here i am all pitiful and shiverin and she takes no pity. But she has the nerve to commence to rub me with some kinda green shampoo that smells. Why do i need a bath anywayas i ask her with my eyes....B/c Sassy is a stinky puppy she keeps sayin. so i get my bath all washed and rinsed, I get kisses on my nose for being such a good girl and she lets the water out of the blue pool thingy. WOW i hope i dont go down that hole to! Well thats done and im stadnin in the cold tub by myself all wet and shiverin have pity on me please! well here comes a washrag..vnfhdeffrjfgihfwgq..shes washin jgrbweyhwrewe..my face and mouth...i cant see...oh ok theres she is. Whew glad thats over. More kisses for me :) i think i like this.... Are we done yet? If not i want more kisses! Here comes the big blue fluffy thing..oooo its warm and cuiddly..ahhh the rubbinnnnnnnnnnn ahhhhhhh :) All done Mommy says after dryin me with the blue fluffy thing. so here i sit in my chair tellin you all my ordeal of gettin a bath this mornin. Beware my dober brothers and sisters.,....dont go into the human potty room! lol
 

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Oh you poor little dear. Has Lucy taught you nothing?!?!?!? Why humans insist on ruining our natural, God given right to smell like dogs is completely beyond me. Take it from the voice of experience, this "bath" nonsense will happen no matter what you do. There is no look too endearing, no amount of "sad, pathetic puppy eyes" that will avert this disaster - trust me, I've tried them all! Your best bet is to comply with their evil wishes - suck them in to thinking that you enjoy this, they'll be so happy and you'll get even more kisses and treats. But upon your first opportunity for freedom, you MUST (for the sake of dogs the world over) seek revenge! Revenge, I tell ya! Find the muddiest, stinkiest hole in the yard and roll in it! Creating mud is simple enough, dig a small hole (you don't need much, a little goes a long way on clean floors) and dump your water bowl in it and then dig some more. Cat poo, squirrel poo or old gargage carries terrific odors that they hate, make sure you roll in it as much as possible! Then with muddy paws and a gloriously stinky coat, run to your "mommy/torturer" and "love" them with your whole body.
*Warning, by doing this, you run the risk of yet another dreaded bath; however it is well worth it!

~When you're bigger, older and ready for it, I'll teach you how to pull the coveted "escape and run through the house soaking wet and covered with suds" tactic!

Take care my little friend,

~Chihiro
 
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