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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have a basket of Cleo's things in it in the livingroom put up so the dogs can't get to it. Every now and then Sage (my 5 year old son) will get the soccer ball out of it and play. I have a fit and he knows I don't want it touched. I left it out in the back yard for a couple weeks before I was able to actually walk to it and pick it up and sit in the yard and melt down. Now I pick it up, smell her collar and run her lead through my fingers and just remember.

Sage got out Cleo's ball yesterday and started playing with it with Jordan. My husband says I'm being silly and to let Jordan play with it but I just feel like it is her special ball. I know she wouldn't mind him playing with it but I do mind. He has his own balls and he loves playing with them and maybe I am being selfish. I don't want the memories messed up. I just remember her always walking around with her ball in her mouth all the time. I guess I feel like the memories will be tainted if we share the ball with him. Walter tells me to allow Jordan to give me new memories with the ball.

Am I being selfish, realistic, silly?
 

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You've created a shrine to Cleo and it's contents should be respected by all and NOT disturbed. It's absolutely normal. When you're ready and the time is right, then and only then will it be okay for NEW memories to be added to the old. But that time frame is yours and no one else's. JMHO.
 

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I'm pretty new here so I don't know how long it's been since Cleo passed away. I found a pet loss support group in my area that helped me immensely when I lost my first Dobe, Lexi. People should respect your wishes, everyone grieves differently and at their own pace. What about putting Cleo's items in a special place away from all the traffic in the house so that you can look at these things when you like and you'll know they will be there. Remember, she would not want you to be unhappy.
 

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You've created a shrine to Cleo and it's contents should be respected by all and NOT disturbed. It's absolutely normal. When you're ready and the time is right, then and only then will it be okay for NEW memories to be added to the old. But that time frame is yours and no one else's. JMHO.
Very well said Sooz. I kept my Sadies`s toys for 2 years. I finally got them out. I am laughing now, they looked so bad. I don`t even think Tamora liked them. Did they still have her scent--I don`t know.
Lucagirl you will know when the time is right. If its any comfort others have been there too.
 

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You've created a shrine to Cleo and it's contents should be respected by all and NOT disturbed. It's absolutely normal. When you're ready and the time is right, then and only then will it be okay for NEW memories to be added to the old. But that time frame is yours and no one else's. JMHO.
I agree with this 100%. I lost both my dogs in the last 6 months....and I wanted Petey to play with thier things...I felt the need to remember them that way. But each of us is different, no one should judge how you grieve or how long it takes. I found Petloss.com helped me get through my losses easier. I still cry, but I know in my heart that Petey would not be in my life if both of my dogs hadn't died.

Carol
 

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I feel for you, but maybe the basket needs to be somewhere where your son doesn't have access to it at all. That way you don't have to get angry with him because I don't think he's able to fully understand your feelings about this at only 5 years old.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I guess I'm torn. In a way it felt good to have Jordan enjoying her toy. I know she wouldn't have minded and would have been playing away with him BUT she is not here to enjoy it and I think that is what bothers me.

Lucagirl--Cleo died on January 1st this year and was my heart dog. I love all my pets and Summer has been my baby for 13 years. Cleo was just the perfect companion for me and my family and I've never bonded with any other pet or person for that matter the way I did with her. She died very suddenly from probable DCM after being healthy every day of her life.
 

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^^^I am so how you lost your baby. I lost my Mason January 2 suddenly. You are very early in the grieving process.

CArol ox
 

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No one can tell you what is right or wrong, and there is no time frame or limit on grief.

When I lost Bowie, I took every single toy he loved and chewed on (including his first toy I ever got him, when he was still in the shelter), as well as his collars, anything that was definitely HIS - and boxed them up. They live on a shelf in my closet. When I lost my other dogs, I also took things that reminded me SOLELY of them (always at least one collar) and put them away.

Some things stay out - some toys that the dogs never particularly cared for, some leashes, some collars - and I figure that is a lasting gift from the older dog that has passed, to the new dog.

If cleo's things are important to you, then no one else has the right to play with them or tell you what to do with them. Someday you will be able to look at them fondly and feel happier rather than sad - some days it will always be sadness. Every day I look at my dead dogs harness hanging from my rearview mirror and most of the time now, I can smile and remember him rather than cry.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thank's y'all. I am still not ready for him to play with her ball but I think I'll keep it up and think about it. Maybe that will be a healing process, like washing her footprints off the door. I seem to hit these milestones that hurt like mad but I know is a step in the right direction. When I'm ready I'll let him have the ball. I'm definitely keeping her collar and lead put up somewhere special, maybe with her urn. The lead is the lead I bought from the Doberman Pinscher Club on her first day training and I have never used it for another dog. I thought I could use it for Summer because I love the lead so much but I can't even use it for her. I'm afraid it will smell different. I have to laugh and cry at the same time about the ball. I just don't know what it is about that ball but dog's just love it. I think she broke it in all cozy like.
 

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I think everyone else has already said how I feel. And having a 7 year old in the house, I also agree with Sorthund that maybe you should put it out of Sage's reach until he can understand better.

I lost my heart dog PJ (blue doberboy) over 11 years ago...it will be 12 years this September as a matter of fact. I still have his collar, I did finally let go of his toys (after several years).........just take all the time YOU need.
 

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I thought I was the only "nut case" who couldn't quite let go. I've kept my pups collars, leashes, tags, toys, bones. The collars and leashes have hung next to the door - one for 13 years. I just pulled one of my Taj's collars out to put on my new guy - I never touch that collar without my thoughts being drawn to the first guy who wore it. We never forget and the love never goes away (thank the good Lord)
 

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I agree that you may want to keep some things seperate, but also feel that they then need to be put up so that you child cannot get to them.

As much as I love my dogs and grieve when they die, I would not be angry at a 5 year old child for playing with a dog toy. It is not realistic to expect them to leave it alone.
 
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I don't think there is anything wrong with this, we all grieve in our own way. I lost my first boy eleven years ago this June and I kept everything he ever had. His first collar that his breeders put on him and his very last collar and his leash. He loved stuffies but they didn't last very long but I still had to keep them and all of my favourite pictures of my special boy. I still get upset at times but I always try to remember the good times and how much he loved us, and he knew that he was my special boy.

Don't let anyone tell you what you should or should not do, everyone is different.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I think it helps just knowing I'm actually not a nut and it is okay to be selfish. I've let Sage play with it because he used to play with it with her. Acutally it was Sage's ball but she confenscated it for her own and it just stayed that way. He'd play with it still but only with her because she was a hog. She'd play and then when she'd had enough she'd just start prancing around with it in her mouth holding it way up high, lay down somewhere cozy and fall asleep with it.
 

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I agree put the special things in your home in a spot for you to look at and smile or cry, where ever the wind blows that moment in time. I truly don't think your being silly whatsoever.
 

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I have a basket of Cleo's things in it in the livingroom put up so the dogs can't get to it. Every now and then Sage (my 5 year old son) will get the soccer ball out of it and play. I have a fit and he knows I don't want it touched. I left it out in the back yard for a couple weeks before I was able to actually walk to it and pick it up and sit in the yard and melt down. Now I pick it up, smell her collar and run her lead through my fingers and just remember.

Sage got out Cleo's ball yesterday and started playing with it with Jordan. My husband says I'm being silly and to let Jordan play with it but I just feel like it is her special ball. I know she wouldn't mind him playing with it but I do mind. He has his own balls and he loves playing with them and maybe I am being selfish. I don't want the memories messed up. I just remember her always walking around with her ball in her mouth all the time. I guess I feel like the memories will be tainted if we share the ball with him. Walter tells me to allow Jordan to give me new memories with the ball.

Am I being selfish, realistic, silly?
Everyone must do what is comfortable for them but I have a very different attitude about the toys, coats, leashes, collars etc that belonged to dogs I have lost over the years.

Presently one of the dogs is wearing a collar for training that dates back to a dog I had in the 60's. It makes me smile to think about the continuity that the collar represents when we are out doing sits and downs and this dog does things that remind me of the long gone dog.

There is a Kong that one of the dogs today loves beyond any other toy. It belonged first to an unknown dog who lived on a farm in Vermont. My Aussie (lost to lymphoma in March last year) found it there when he was a puppy--he was thrilled beyond belief with it. A Doberman who came along three years later (and is gone also, to where good dogs go) used it to put himself to sleep. Practically every puppy has played with it at one time or other. It pleases me to think about the dogs who had it before (and probably after) the dog who regards it as "his Kong" today.

The dog who is running agility now inherited a collar from a dog he never met--it was a present from the breeder of the first dog the day he finished his championship--everytime she sees Rumor at a trial she smiles and says "Perry's good luck collar!"

One of the leashes that everyone uses goes back to an Afghan Hound I had in the late 60's. An old brush that I used on his saddle belongs to whoever is being shown in conformation these days.

I have the memories of the dogs that had these things first--I don't feel that the objects themselves are sacred but rather reminders of the good times.

Shoot, I even have things that belonged to dogs I never knew....there is a flat collar that I use as an agility collar; sort of as a spare--it belonged to a dog I know only as a "very good dog"--a vet tech in a clinic gave it to me when I was in with a Dobe because my dog was big enough for the collar and she said the owner asked that the collar go to another "very good dog". I think about that nameless "good dog" when I'm training weave poles using his collar--and the owner who thought some other "good dog" should get a good dog collar.

I don't know--it's just a different way of looking at it.
 

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it belonged to a dog I know only as a "very good dog"--a vet tech in a clinic gave it to me when I was in with a Dobe because my dog was big enough for the collar and she said the owner asked that the collar go to another "very good dog". I think about that nameless "good dog" when I'm training weave poles using his collar--and the owner who thought some other "good dog" should get a good dog collar.
that is so lovely :) such a great idea to pass on a collar to another good dog :) very sweet
 
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