This just got sent to me from a firend who (obviously) has dobes. I just had to share it with all of you
Kratty - here is the guide to spoiled rotten dobe.
Dear Doberman:
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a DoberPaw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your dish and food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a DoberRacetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dobermans can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking Nubby tails with your boney butts out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, howl, bar, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the bottom edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.
I have been using the bathroom for years—a DoberGuardian is not mandatory.
To pacify you, my dear Doberman I have posted the following message on our front door:
Rules for Non-Dobe Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain about Our Dobes:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture .)
3. I like my Dobes a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is needy, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not speak clearly.
Remember: Dobes are better than kids because they: eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and they cannot get pregnant because they are spayed.
cc
