Thank you everyone. The support and understanding on this forum is truly amazing.
I too, am so sorry to hear of your loss. Have you read the poem by Rudyard Kipling,
'Beware of giving your heart to a dog to tear' ? They certainly can tear your heart out.
Thank you. I hadn't heard of this poem before, so I just googled it and read it. Wow. Yes, they certainly can, and do, tear our hearts out. Grief is such a strange thing. There are times I can think of her and laugh and smile and times that honestly do feel like my heart has been completely torn.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Thank you. When I say I tried to post this many times, I'm not kidding. Oddly enough, several times when I went to post, I'd think "what if people see this and think it's eegreens Indy? Maybe I shouldn't post..." I think I used every excuse in the book.
There is always that one dog soul who stays in our hearts for ever. The sense of loss when that loving presence leaves our life is incredibly difficult to endure.
I try to think that she is just in another room from the one I am in--when I am able to believe that, then I can savor the joy and memories of having known her just as I can remember with fondness the good times I’ve had with someone else I am not with at the moment.
But I know they are still there with me in heart and mind and soul all the same.
She is too.
Thank you. You are 100% right. Indy was such an independent girl; not needy like the dobermans. She mostly used me for food and as her doorman (doorwoman?). She preferred to be outside and when she couldn't be outside, she'd be as close to a window as possible just so she could see outside. Imagining her in another room, or outside enjoying the weather, is something that I do often.
In hindsight, I don't think I prepared well for losing her. "She's my husbands baby, so this is going to destroy him." That is what I would tell friends, family, vets, etc. It wasn't until we were saying goodbye that it hit me how much she was also mine. I don't know if that was some sort of defense mechanism to get me through the weekly chemo appointments and taking care of the details of it all or what. But it was like I was suddenly alone; no longer keeping busy by making sure she was eating and drinking, taking notes of everything to give to the vet, changing my work schedule to get her to appointments. Life was supposed to go back to normal, but it wasn't normal at all. I also didn't think about how the dogs would grieve or how they would respond to our grieving. Then there were all of the emails "it's time to refill Indy's meds" then the "happy birthday to Indy!" emails. So next was removing her from accounts so I'd stop getting those emails. Then there was all of her stuff. Ugh. I'm sorry. This just hurts and I miss her so much.
Ok, now for a funny story about Indy (at least, we thought it was really funny). Shortly after her diagnosis, she was laying on the floor, so my husband and I got down on the floor, on opposite sides of her, petting her, crying, telling her how much we loved her and that we'd do anything for her - and she got up and left.