I am so lost!!! - Page 2 - Doberman Forum : Doberman Breed Dog Forums
Rainbow Bridge If you need to talk about a lost love one please share your story in this forum

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post #26 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 06:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Shine65 View Post
I need some advice on cremation.

I had a private cremation for my 1st Love - Bella (German Shepard) and her ashes is sitting in a urn next to my bed.

Since this tragic incident happened while I was away. My boyfriend had buried Bambi in his backyard on 3/23.

I really want to have a private cremation for Bambi and keep her ashes with me. Is it advisable to dig out her body after my return on 4/1? Will her body be decomposed by then? I have sweet images of my baby now and I am not prepared to see anything otherwise.

I personally don't prefer burial for several reasons even in my own backyard.

Appreciate any advice. Thks!!!

If you want to proceed with exhumation and then cremation. Have SOMEONE ELSE do the work of exhuming. I highly, highly advise you NOT to be there during the exhuming.

It's a personal choice but I don't see anything wrong with having the dog buried in the backyard. But again, it's a personal thing.
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post #27 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 08:19 PM Thread Starter
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Thks to all of you for all your compassion, support and advice!!!

I will be flying back to Texas tomorrow... I am so broken!!! Bambi sent me to the airport ....now I am going back and she will be nowhere to be found….I am a Mess... In my life experience, I feel that God takes away every soul I love very much!!! Why..........
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post #28 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-28-2016, 09:12 PM
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Thks to all of you for all your compassion, support and advice!!!

I will be flying back to Texas tomorrow... I am so broken!!! Bambi sent me to the airport ....now I am going back and she will be nowhere to be found….I am a Mess... In my life experience, I feel that God takes away every soul I love very much!!! Why..........
Maybe try and talk to a counselor. As with humans loss of life, animals can really take a toll on us when they die.

Dobes life expectancy ranges from 7-10 years on average. Some go earlier and so live longer but that is the average life expectancy of a dobe. Your dobe was 8 years old so that is about average. Sadly, dobes don't live as long as other smaller breeds. The larger the dog, the shorter the life.

I'm sorry for your loss. Try some grief counseling. It will help.
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post #29 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 09:05 AM
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I'm so sorry

It's difficult, but try not to blame yourself or your boyfriend. From how you described her early life, you were the best thing that ever happened to her and I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that you gave her a good life.

As for the cremation, it's completely up to you but I would be satisfied with a backyard burial, especially since that's where she loved to run and play.

My thoughts are with you as you arrive home. RIP Bambi.
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post #30 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 09:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shine65 View Post
Thks to all of you for all your compassion, support and advice!!!

I will be flying back to Texas tomorrow... I am so broken!!! Bambi sent me to the airport ....now I am going back and she will be nowhere to be found….I am a Mess... In my life experience, I feel that God takes away every soul I love very much!!! Why..........

Shine65, please read this article. It's a wonderful heartfelt article written by someone who lost their doberman from what sounds like the congestive form of DCM. I believe this owner's vet misdiagnosed his boy.

Maybe it will help you to understand some of your feelings and thoughts.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/natio...XcS_story.html

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Last edited by LindaH; 03-29-2016 at 09:27 AM.
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post #31 of 48 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 09:28 AM
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Stupid forum error... holding post as if not entered

Hope someone fixes this problem someday

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post #32 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-03-2016, 09:28 AM Thread Starter
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Thks to all for your responses and condolence. I got home late last night. I could not stop crying seeing all of Bambi's belongings and Bambi is nowhere to be found.


Based on this link: Health issues in dobermans. America vs Europe. DCM (cardio), Hypothyroidism, Von-Willebrand disease VWD, Wobbler, PHTVL/PHPV, HD
The cause of her death could be 1 or 2

I left her under my boyfriend's care trusting he will protect her life!!!!

1) Who in the right state of mind will take a cold intolerance 8 yrs old dog outside to play laser at a wind speed of 24 mph in a cold weather knowing that she tends to run at high speed during the initial play???

Haven’t he heard about people dying of heart attack shuffling snow during winter weather???

2) Why would he take her out to play laser at 9:30 pm after her dinner(7pm) in a big field? She running at high speed could have caused inverted stomach and stopped blood flow to the vital organs which is fatal!!!!

Even if she had pre-existing conditions, his actions aggravated it and killed her!!!!

I know 101% that if she was under my care.. SHE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE!!! I regret taking my nightmare vacation so much!!!! It cost Bambi's life!!!

HE CUT HER LIFE SHORT!!!!

I am cutting all ties with him!!!!

I FAILED BAMBI!!!
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post #33 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-03-2016, 10:31 AM
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Seriously, get some grief counseling. You need it.


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post #34 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-03-2016, 03:27 PM
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I have been taking her for yearly physical exams. Why wouldn't her regular vet recommend to do the EKG or Holter exam?

I really wished I was active in this forum. I would have been well-informed about DCM and would have taken actions to monitor her yearly for DCM and given her the required meds for a longer quality life....she would have been alive and we would have been cautious with her exercise level....

I let my crazy work took control of my life and had no time for the things I should have been focusing!!!! It cost Bambi's life and I regret it so much!!!!
Regular Vets don't usually know about Doberman heart issues. DCM often remains in a hidden or occult form to appear as sudden death. My girl's father died in the agility ring at the end of a nice fast normal run, walked over to get his leash and keeled over dead. His owner had him tested EVERY 6 MONTHS with holter and ultrasound and it still was not detected.

I understand your feelings but it is the age that most dobermans die from DCM - 7-9 yrs, there is also an earlier period of high death around 3-5 yrs. It is genetic and the breed is rife with it., The prediction is that 70-75% of dobermans now alive will die from DCM. If it takes them when they are 11-13, then it is just the way they will end vs cancer or something else.

I am so sorry for your loss - I have lost 2 to this - seemingly healthy dogs suddenly dead. It is gut wrenching and incomprehensible and I cry for you.
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post #35 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-03-2016, 03:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Shine65 View Post
Thks to all for your responses and condolence. I got home late last night. I could not stop crying seeing all of Bambi's belongings and Bambi is nowhere to be found.


Based on this link: Health issues in dobermans. America vs Europe. DCM (cardio), Hypothyroidism, Von-Willebrand disease VWD, Wobbler, PHTVL/PHPV, HD
The cause of her death could be 1 or 2

I left her under my boyfriend's care trusting he will protect her life!!!!

1) Who in the right state of mind will take a cold intolerance 8 yrs old dog outside to play laser at a wind speed of 24 mph in a cold weather knowing that she tends to run at high speed during the initial play???

Haven’t he heard about people dying of heart attack shuffling snow during winter weather???

2) Why would he take her out to play laser at 9:30 pm after her dinner(7pm) in a big field? She running at high speed could have caused inverted stomach and stopped blood flow to the vital organs which is fatal!!!!

Even if she had pre-existing conditions, his actions aggravated it and killed her!!!!

I know 101% that if she was under my care.. SHE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE!!! I regret taking my nightmare vacation so much!!!! It cost Bambi's life!!!

HE CUT HER LIFE SHORT!!!!

I am cutting all ties with him!!!!

I FAILED BAMBI!!!
1. Cold intolerant dogs (I have one) can cope very well if they keep moving in cold conditions - surprisingly. People shoveling snow die because they don't do other exercise and overwork a flabby heart (sounds like your girl got good exercise normally).

2. She probably could have gone at any time - be a little thankful she was playing and enjoying herself and that she didn't suffer. That is what gives me some comfort.

It really is not his fault - this is a very unhealthy breed. My husband once made a small mistake and as a result my 13mth dog died. It took a long time to get past that - I tried so hard not to blame him - if anything it was my fault BECAUSE I WASN'T THERE.
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post #36 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-03-2016, 03:34 PM
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Thks to all of you for all your compassion, support and advice!!!

I will be flying back to Texas tomorrow... I am so broken!!! Bambi sent me to the airport ....now I am going back and she will be nowhere to be found….I am a Mess... In my life experience, I feel that God takes away every soul I love very much!!! Why..........
We lose so that we may appreciate what we have - you have your boyfriend and you need to re-examine your relationship and what joy or comfort it brings you. I love all my dogs more because of those who have gone before - I also get more paranoid...


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post #37 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-03-2016, 06:52 PM Thread Starter
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Vivenne,

Thks for sharing your experiences...My heart is really broken and I am not in a state to forgive him yet. Even if I forgive him later , I cannot bring myself to see his face because it will be a constant reminder to me that he robbed me of my love by causing Bambi's pre-matured death! Yes, I love my pets more than any human loved ones...

It's been 2 days that I am back from my trip.. I could not bring myself to visit Bambi's burial site (his backyard) to put flowers or candles

Rosemary,

Thks. Yes, I need grief counselling and have been looking for one because I have no one in this country. My 3 dogs are my family. Bambi was the man of my house... now she is taken away from me suddenly due to human ignorance....
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post #38 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-03-2016, 07:20 PM
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@ Shine65

Your words: " now she is taken away from me suddenly due to human ignorance..."

Perhaps... However, there is no onus on either you or your boy friend.

Honestly, this conversation is hard.

Our dogs always die. Often they die way before their time. Your girl, Bambi, given her background, in my opinion, seriously exceeded her life expectations.

There is is no blame here. Please forgive yourself and your boy friend.
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post #39 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-03-2016, 07:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shine65 View Post

1) Who in the right state of mind will take a cold intolerance 8 yrs old dog outside to play laser at a wind speed of 24 mph in a cold weather knowing that she tends to run at high speed during the initial play???

Haven’t he heard about people dying of heart attack shuffling snow during winter weather??


2) Why would he take her out to play laser at 9:30 pm after her dinner(7pm) in a big field? She running at high speed could have caused inverted stomach and stopped blood flow to the vital organs which is fatal!!!!

Even if she had pre-existing conditions, his actions aggravated it and killed her!!!!

I know 101% that if she was under my care.. SHE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE!!! I regret taking my nightmare vacation so much!!!! It cost Bambi's life!!!

HE CUT HER LIFE SHORT!!!!

I am cutting all ties with him!!!!

I FAILED BAMBI!!!
You really need help. Please reach out to someone in your community and speak with a therapist. I am so sorry for your loss, but this is not a normal reaction to losing a pet. Yes it is heart breaking, devastating, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. It was the worst pain I ever felt losing my first dog.

But we grieve, we move on, and we forgive. We don't destroy those around us with blame and saddle them with guilt. Don't you think your boyfriend feels bad enough that this happened? How is your continuing blame going to help anyone in this situation? I understand that it is easier to blame him than to accept the fact that she died of an underlying condition that could have been aggravated by any daily activity, such as walking up stairs or awakening from a nap.

Your boyfriend did not kill your dog. Just like how everyone in this community who has had a dog drop dead from DCM ( a lot of members) did not kill their dog. It was a horrible illness that took these dogs and there is no cure that could have saved them.

I hope you find peace in all of this.
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post #40 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-03-2016, 07:56 PM
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Quote:
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Vivenne,

Thks for sharing your experiences...My heart is really broken and I am not in a state to forgive him yet. Even if I forgive him later , I cannot bring myself to see his face because it will be a constant reminder to me that he robbed me of my love by causing Bambi's pre-matured death! Yes, I love my pets more than any human loved ones...

It's been 2 days that I am back from my trip.. I could not bring myself to visit Bambi's burial site (his backyard) to put flowers or candles

Rosemary,

Thks. Yes, I need grief counselling and have been looking for one because I have no one in this country. My 3 dogs are my family. Bambi was the man of my house... now she is taken away from me suddenly due to human ignorance....
Like 4x4 said, it is a sad fact that our pets die. Blaming your boyfriend (who is probably already blaming himself) isn't going to bring her back. She could have died while you were simply walking her yourself. Sometimes #%*+ just plain old happens.

I had an apparently perfectly healthy three year old cat walk into the kitchen one day, go into a seizure and die right in front of me. That was quite literally my first clue that he probably had a heart defect (similar to DCM) and his death was absolutely typical for cats with that defect. Not to say that it wasn't shocking and upsetting, because it was, and it hit me hard. That was three years ago, and to this day, if his littermate looks the least bit peaky, I am frantic. However, I do accept that there was nothing I could have done to prevent it.

You vet or local humane society might know of a counsellor in the area. If they don't, ask your doctor for a referral.


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post #41 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-03-2016, 08:21 PM
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In reference to your comments about bloat and exercise--Per an article in Whole Dog:

"It is often recommended that limiting exercise and water before and after eating will decrease the risk of bloat. However, in one of the Purdue studies, while exercise or excessive water consumption around meal time initially seemed to affect likelihood of GDV, when other factors were taken into account, such as having a close relative with a history of GDV, in a “multivariate model,” these factors were no longer associated with an increased risk of bloat.

Or, more simply put, “there seems to be no advantage to restricting water intake or exercise before or after eating,” says Dr. Glickman.”



One way or another, exercise 2 and a half hours after being fed is unlikely to cause bloat.

Yes, bloat can be rapidly fatal--but a dog that is bloating would certainly not be running around happily and then drop dead from bloat with an inverted stomach the next minute. You would see the dog stopping his exercise, drooling, looking anxious, pacing or acting restless, trying to vomit with nothing coming up--acting as if they were in severe pain--not running around playing happily with a ball and then suddenly keeling over.

When one of my dogs bloated, he woke up out of a sound sleep at 2 AM--many hours after he had eaten and certainly a long time after any exercise--and grew progressively worse with the symptoms noted above--we got him to a vet within the hour, where he had surgery to correct his twisted stomach--but he certainly was not symptomless as his condition worsened.


You seem to be grasping for answers, any answer, and attaching blame to anyone you can, as a way to deal with your pain and loss. That is a natural response during grief--but it is not productive in the long run. Certainly everyone grieves in a different way and for a different length of time--but I think your response is on the extreme side based on your posts.

Stop blaming yourself; stop blaming your boyfriend. Get counseling to help you recover from the shock you have experienced.

I think everyone here understands the shock and loss of suddenly losing a special friend--we all have a special place in our hearts for our beloved dogs. And we all wonder why such a terrible thing has happened and wonder what we could have done differently. But I do not think your beloved dog would want to see you so unhappy at her passing. I think she would want you to remember her as she was at play, at her best and happiest--not kicking yourself or your boyfriend for failing her.

Because you didn’t fail her. It was time for her to go, I think--that time comes for all of us, and in many cases suddenly and unexpectedly, not because of anyone else's inappropriate actions or inactions. She is gone, yes, and the particular space she occupied in your heart can never be filled completely. But you can, and will, be able to have happy memories of her one day and to smile when you remember the special things she did that made you both happy.

I do sincerely feel, though, that you need some help to talk you through your grief and help you reach that point. Please seek it out--before you damage yourself and your relationships with others more severely.

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post #42 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-03-2016, 08:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Shine65 View Post
I know 101% that if she was under my care.. SHE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE!!! I regret taking my nightmare vacation so much!!!! It cost Bambi's life!!!

HE CUT HER LIFE SHORT!!!!

I am cutting all ties with him!!!!

I FAILED BAMBI!!!

That is 101% NOT TRUE.
She would have died within the next few days or months due to DCM.

He did NOT cut her life short. DCM cut her life short

Cutting all ties with him is wrong on so many levels.

You did NOT fail Bambi. Genetics and nature caused her death.


She would have died while you played with her. Then you would have blamed yourself instead of your boyfriend.
I go back and stand on that you need professional grief counseling.
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post #43 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-03-2016, 08:50 PM
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I’m not sure this site is completely up to date--but it gives you some resources and phone numbers to call to help you deal with your grief if you need immediate help and cannot find anyone. I know that there are other links to phone numbers or chat rooms on the internet that can help you with your grief if you need to call on someone:

Pet Loss Grief Support Hot Lines and Helplines - RainbowBridge.com

You may also want to look at the home page of the link I gave you for some places where you can contact folks who can offer you some solace in your grief.

http://rainbowsbridge.com/Grief_Supp...pport_Home.htm

Last edited by melbrod; 04-03-2016 at 08:56 PM.
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post #44 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-03-2016, 09:43 PM Thread Starter
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Yes. I need counselling to stay sane after losing my special love suddenly in a tragic way when I was very far away from her! Thks to all for the resources and support!
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post #45 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-04-2016, 09:33 PM
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Yes. I need counselling to stay sane after losing my special love suddenly in a tragic way when I was very far away from her! Thks to all for the resources and support!
I bet your heart skips beats every time you think about what happened.

I will tell you this even though you may not want hear it, Bambi had a good death, not a drawn out slow painful cancer death or a grueling torturous long torsion death over hours to days.

You have to see that we would all rather go quickly and you should try to see this was least painful for her.

But nonetheless heart-stopping and stomach wrenchingly painful for you. And your boyfriend - I bet he wants to dig a hole, crawl inside and pull the earth in over him.

So many of us here have been in your shoes where things got beyond our control and harm happened to our beloved dobes. Guilt tears at us. You can wrap your dogs in cotton wool but what sort of a life would they have then?


the boys (rip): Cato, Emerald's Black Onyx, Emerald's Black Quartz
Owned by the girls: Jill (kelpie) and Lana.

Last edited by vivienne00; 04-04-2016 at 09:36 PM.
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post #46 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-04-2016, 09:51 PM
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Originally Posted by vivienne00 View Post
I bet your heart skips beats every time you think about what happened.

I will tell you this even though you may not want hear it, Bambi had a good death, not a drawn out slow painful cancer death or a grueling torturous long torsion death over hours to days.

You have to see that we would all rather go quickly and you should try to see this was least painful for her.

But nonetheless heart-stopping and stomach wrenchingly painful for you. And your boyfriend - I bet he wants to dig a hole, crawl inside and pull the earth in over him.

So many of us here have been in your shoes where things got beyond our control and harm happened to our beloved dobes. Guilt tears at us. You can wrap your dogs in cotton wool but what sort of a life would they have then?
Thanks Vivienne.... I absolutely could not agree more. as loving Doberman owners, the death of our dogs hurts so deep. My solution, over the years, has been to give it a bit of time and then get another puppy.
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post #47 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-05-2016, 12:52 AM
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My heart goes out to you and Bambi.
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post #48 of 48 (permalink) Old 04-05-2016, 04:11 AM Thread Starter
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Thks Vivienne, 4x4bike and KitaTanya.. for the graphic illustration...

Time to time a cloud of sorrow shadows upon me thinking about her non-existence. I always felt cremation and having her ashes next to my bed gives me closure but the thought of her lifeless body buried outside in another person's cold yard that does not have enclosed fence is very troubling to me.

It hurts so much because I was away from her for a month in Singapore. She is a very competitive girl who wants to be first in everything even in her death... she died 8 days before my return to Dallas... That is very heartbreaking.

I was so busy with work and trip preparation that I did not spend quality time with her prior to my trip. I had plans to tender my resignation with my current job due to overwork upon my return just to spend quality time with all my 3 dogs especially Bambi.

Life Sucks without Bambi!!!
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