Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.
That is funny...
Of course it reminded me of a song!
The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia
Original - Vicki Lawrence
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrQvOvu_eRc
Cover by Reba McEntire
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5Mwr-qnMqw
Which then led me to the next southern song (which there are many)-
Bobby Gentry - Ode to Billy Joe https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nv33eaygVDQ
Lyrics - The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia
He was on his way home from Candletop
Been two weeks gone and he thought he'd stop
At Web's and have him a drink for he went home to her
Andy Wo-Lo said hello
He said "Hi what's new"
And Wo said "Sit down I got some bad news that's gonna hurt"
Said I'm your best friend and you know that's right
But your young bride ain't home tonight
Since you been gone she's been seeing that Amos boy Seth
Now, he got mad and he saw red
Andy said boy don't you lose your head
'Cause to tell you the truth I've been with her myself
That's the night that the lights went out in Georgia
That's the night that they hung an innocent man
Well, don't trust your soul to no backwoods Southern lawyer
Cause the judge in the town's got bloodstains on his hands
Andy got scared and left the bar
Walkin' on home cause he didn't live far you see
Andy didn't have many friends and he just lost him one
Brother thought his wife must've left town
So he went home and finally found the only thing
Daddy had left him and that was a gun
He went off to Andy's house
Slipping through the backwoods quiet as a mouse
Came upon some tracks too small for Andy to make
He looked through the screen at the back porch door
And he saw Andy lyin' on the floor
In a puddle of blood and he started to shake
Georgia patrol was making their rounds
So he fired a shot just to flag em down
A big bellied sheriff grabbed his gun and said
"Why'd you do it?"
The judge said guilty on a make-believe trial
Slapped the sheriff on the back with a smile
Said supper's waitin' at home and I gotta get to it
That's the night the lights went out in Georgia
That's the night that they hung an innocent man
Well, don't trust your soul to no backwoods Southern lawyer
Cause the judge in the town's got bloodstains on his hands
Well, they hung my brother before I could say
The tracks he saw while on his way
To Andy's house and back that night were mine
And his cheatin' wife had never left town
That's one body that'll never be found
You see little sister don't miss when she aims her gun
That's the night the lights went out in Georgia
That's the night that they hung an innocent man
Well, don't trust your soul to no backwoods Southern lawyer
Cause the judge in the town's got bloodstains on his hands
That's the night the lights went out in Georgia
That's the night that they hung an innocent man
Well, don't trust your soul to no backwoods Southern lawyer
Cause the judge in the town's got bloodstains on his hands
Lyrics Ode to Billie Joe
It was the third of June, another sleepy, dusty Delta day
I was out choppin' cotton, and my brother was balin' hay
And at dinner time we stopped and walked back to the house to eat
And mama hollered out the back door, y'all, remember to wipe your feet
And then she said, I got some news this mornin' from Choctaw Ridge
Today, Billy Joe MacAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge
And papa said to mama, as he passed around the blackeyed peas
Well, Billy Joe never had a lick of sense; pass the biscuits, please
There's five more acres in the lower forty I've got to plow
And mama said it was shame about Billy Joe, anyhow
Seems like nothin' ever comes to no good up on Choctaw Ridge
And now Billy Joe MacAllister's jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge
And brother said he recollected when he, and Tom, and Billie Joe
Put a frog down my back at the Carroll County picture show
And wasn't I talkin' to him after church last Sunday night?
I'll have another piece-a apple pie; you know, it don't seem right
I saw him at the sawmill yesterday on Choctaw Ridge
And now ya tell me Billie Joe's jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge
And mama said to me, child, what's happened to your appetite?
I've been cookin' all morning, and you haven't touched a single bite
That nice young preacher, Brother Taylor, dropped by today
Said he'd be pleased to have dinner on Sunday, oh, by the way
He said he saw a girl that looked a lot like you up on Choctaw Ridge
And she and Billy Joe was throwing somethin' off the Tallahatchie Bridge
A year has come and gone since we heard the news 'bout Billy Joe
And brother married Becky Thompson; they bought a store in Tupelo
There was a virus going 'round; papa caught it, and he died last spring
And now mama doesn't seem to want to do much of anything
And me, I spend a lot of time pickin' flowers up on Choctaw Ridge
And drop them into the muddy water off the Tallahatchie Bridge