Three months and I still hurt.........

**Camillesdad** · 03-13-2008, 06:00 PM

I struggle with the loss of her. Searching for that familiar face is futile, I know, but the nooks and crannies of the internet seem too promising. It’s that stage of loss that is so damned frustrating. Denial, I guess.
I ask myself, will this ever end? Do I want it to? Sometimes the rush of remembering that horrible day at the park is overwhelming. Tears come raining as I wretch inside from the pain. It’s an excruciating release. I imagine it to be somewhat like a scalpel eviscerating my soul.
A flash of her out of the corner of my eye makes me turn quickly as I gasp. Of course she’s not there. A familiar sound, a situation, a shadow reminds me of her. The mind is cruel to itself sometimes.
Questioning my actions that day, these things still haunt me. Did I do all that could be done? Was the outcome inevitable? Guilt and hindsight, the twin brothers of torment, are constant companions. Who would subject themselves to this pain? Am I insane?
Her niece echo’s the lines of her face. The way she moves, the little things she does evoke vivid memories of happier times. Her spirit lives on in that new little soul. It’s a small gift from my best friend.
In time I’m told, my heart will heal. I just wish it could have healed hers.

**dragonman** · 03-13-2008, 06:23 PM

Well my friend.. time heals all wounds but love is forever. They are always with us. I have a book you can barrow next time you come over "Chicken Soup for the Pet Lovers Soul." In the meantime here's a poem I wrote in tribute to my Dad. It took me almost 3 years after his death before I could write it.

Hugs, Tracy

Unconditional Love

You see, smell, or hear something that reminds you of them.
Your mind drifts back to remember the years and just when.

A tear falls from your eye as you let out a smile.
Hold on to them tight you say; for just a little while.

Their words of encouragement and wisdom fill the air.
Then you see their face as you look in the mirror.

They are always with you wherever you roam.
Following you around and blessing your home.

With memories and love that no one can replace.
Their heart and soul resides in a most special space.

Do not despair because they have left you this gift.
Pass on their unconditional love as you see fit.

DobeMomToo · 03-13-2008, 06:25 PM

Sometimes our losses take a long time to heal. Mine documented here still surfaces with such deep heartache when I least expect it.

Know you're not alone.

**voodoolizard** · 03-13-2008, 06:27 PM

i never know what to say in situations like this so normally i say nothing.. but i feel for you and im so sorry for your loss and i do hope the hurt will ease..

**avalonandon** · 03-13-2008, 07:02 PM

Wow you are not alone in feeling these things and thinking these thoughts.

All I can say to encourage you, besides expressing solidarity, is that this pain is a necessary evil. You MUST go thru this process to purge your heart enough to finally look back in peace.

As hard as it is, and I know this firsthand as you do, we need to feel every bit of our heartache and allow ourselves to go thru the tormenting and longing...OH, the longing.

I made a photo album for my Sidney, full of 12 years of pictures, his collar, tags and a tuft of hair from his beautiful tail. I wrote little blurbs under each photo, funny, serious, sad or documentary. I dont know if you can do something similar in any way, but if possible, I HIGHLY recommend it. It is a wonderfully healing experience that is both a tribute and a tool to help you further your heart along the path to an eventual peace.

adajane1 · 03-13-2008, 07:19 PM

I truly feel for you. In time I am sure your pain will ease but in the meantime allow yourself to grieve. You have lost a much loved member of your family and it will take time to come to terms with that. You are in my thoughts x

**KCFilley** · 03-13-2008, 10:10 PM

It's so obvious how much you loved Camille. I think crying is good for your heart and helps get thru the day.

We all think of you sweet Camille.

**LuvMyDobes** · 03-14-2008, 08:27 AM

My heart goes out to you and please know you are not alone. I still think of my beloved ones every day, more than once. Remembering the time we shared together keeps them with me all of the time. It took a long time for the tears to stop flowing and the hurt to start to fade, but tears still creep into my eyes at times, especially when someone reminisces about them.
Carolyn

GunnersMum · 03-14-2008, 10:10 AM

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}
The feelings of loss never really go away. There will come a day though when your memories of Camille will bring a sad smile of remembered joys spent together. She lived her life the way she was meant to, she wouldn't have been truly happy any other way. Dogs teach us so much, like joy in the simple things and what it is to accept unconditional love. She may be gone now but her spirit lives on within your heart. Experiencing all the steps of grief, as you are, will help you to adjust to her loss. Not that it's easy, but expressing the grief, even if it's here, is a release and a healing all on it's own.

May you find peace with the little one who now pitter patter's accross the floor and licks your face with joy.

**dax0402** · 03-14-2008, 11:04 AM

I feel so sad for you, Mike. Dax has been gone six months and the thought of the day she left us still brings tears. Even with a new guy in our life, she is still in our thoughts throughout the day. Just keep moving forward. Camilla will always be with you. Lois