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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-09-2012, 08:45 AM Thread Starter
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Is it just me?

Mariano is closing in on 5 months, and he is such a good boy =]

My issue here is with his dad... my SO works a lot, and so Mariano's care is basically left fully to me. I work from home, so we spend a lot of time together. I also have a rather scheduled way of doing things for Mo... just makes both of our lives, and house training, a lot easier.

When my SO does have days off, he is supposed to be taking on most of the puppy duties... but I just can't seem to let him because he messes with Mo's schedule.

Example: This morning, he let Mariano out of his crate, made his breakfast, and let him eat BEFORE taking him outside to go potty.
Then he will get mad because Mariano will have a potty accident, and he blames the dog. Mariano has not had a single accident with me in nearly two months... he has at least one a day when my SO is in charge.

I know he does not spend as much time with Mariano and I should try to be patient, but it DRIVES ME NUTS!

Am I a control freak?
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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-09-2012, 09:05 AM
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Yes, you are a control freak. So am I. Its ok.

Can you write his basic schedule on a white board or something? It seems pretty obvious to me to let the puppy out before feeding him. I mean, most humans potty before they eat in the AM. Maybe try explaining it to SO like that. The whole, how would you feel if I made you eat breakfast with a full bladder/ bowels? That has worked wonders with my boyfriend.

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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-09-2012, 09:09 AM
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I would write down a general outline of his daily schedule. Bold what needs to be followed (like potty before feeding) and compromise on the rest. I know my son's schedule will be a bit off when my husband has him alone but as long as some routines are followed (like bedtime) I just let them do their thing. Their bonding is more important than my controlling nature lol.

ETA: not trying to compare your dog with my human child lol. We did the same thing when we had a dog. Potty breaks and feeding times were strict but I let him do his own thing for the rest.

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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-09-2012, 09:26 AM
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I'm the same way. I'm lucky in that my BF understands he doesn't have a clue what he's doing. LOL He wasn't raised with dogs. My dogs are really the first dogs he's had any experience with (his ex had 2 dogs but they're 10 lbs and under and she does nothing with them besides fill their bowls and make sure the doggy door doesn't get blocked), so when something goes awry and it's been on his watch, he tends to just ask me if he could have done something differently to prevent whatever happened.

BF's had a learning curve but I think he's finally understanding some of the "why's" of dog management so he's realizing it's not just that I'm controlling (I am about some things) but I do, in fact, have good reason for plenty of things regarding their schedule and handling.

I like eventermal's suggestion for writing out a schedule. Also, if your BF is willing to listen I would try, as non-confrontationally as possible (if possible), to explain to him why the puppy has to go out before eating. Use anatomy as a point - your BF surely will not argue with the fact that Mariano's bladder is tiny compared to an adult's.

Are you guys enrolled in a puppy class? Sometimes that's helpful with getting other household members on board because it's a 3rd party with experience telling you both something rather than it having to come from you.

I feel for you. That would drive me nuts and likely cause some fights if it were my relationship. I will not compromise on my dogs. Kudos to anyone who is able to and happily. LOL

"If you're going to be stupid, you better be tough." ~unknown
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-09-2012, 09:35 AM
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your married!
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-09-2012, 10:12 AM
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Originally Posted by kpal4978 View Post
Example: This morning, he let Mariano out of his crate, made his breakfast, and let him eat BEFORE taking him outside to go potty.
Then he will get mad because Mariano will have a potty accident, and he blames the dog. Mariano has not had a single accident with me in nearly two months... he has at least one a day when my SO is in charge.
It's not just you, it was the same over here for a while. Chris wakes up at 6, spends a few minutes greeting Murphy and then gets coffee and takes him out. A few times he would have an accident, and Chris would get upset.

Another example, I take Murphy for a walk twice a day. The only day of the week where I work in the morning is Sunday, and Chris could not understand why he was such a nut causing so much trouble.

I suggest breaking it down for him. Explain that dogs are not as flexible as humans and need a schedule. One of the examples I gave was "you know how you have to pee first thing when you wakeup? Well so does he. Imagine not being able to do that." And then he began to get it. I explained how he's so young and has energy to burn and that a little walk for you is a big exploration that will tire him out.

Last edited by AlyssaN; 11-09-2012 at 10:16 AM.
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-09-2012, 11:25 AM
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I'm always concerned with my family messing up the way I do things with Riley. Not just about schedules, but how I handle situations VS how they want to handle situations. I keep having to repeat, over and over "that's not how you do that" and it never seems to sink in, lol!

Though, we have very different ideas about what methods should be used on training dogs, unfortunately. I find myself always keeping an eye on him, even when I should be relaxing because "others" are around to "help". Just how life goes sometimes I guess.

“If you don't own a dog, at least one,
there is not necessarily anything wrong with you,
but there may be something wrong with your life.”

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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-09-2012, 11:34 AM
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we differ drastically on crating the dog and handling his eating habits. otherwise, we're pretty much on the same wavelength with training and his daily schedule.

“I am the sea witch. I am the tide you fear and the turning you can't deny. I am the sound of the waves running over your bones on the beach, little man, and I am not amused at finding you on my doorstep.”
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-09-2012, 12:54 PM
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I would also just pin a schedule list to the fridge or something..

"Did you do what was on the list in the right order and on time? No? Then guess whose fault this is..?"

The rest I tend to let others do their thing for the most part. The 2 things I will NOT compromise on are no feeding from the people table and no jumping on people.

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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-09-2012, 01:21 PM
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Men. Every day is a whole new learning experience for them.

I agree, everything must be on a list.
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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-09-2012, 02:58 PM
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It's not just men, lolz
It happens here also.
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-09-2012, 03:08 PM
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I agree with the above^^

It happens. But its not just men, its usually just the 'other' person in general. There are a lot of men who train in schutzhund with me, and they complain about the opposite. It is their wives who have no clue how to do anything right with the dogs, don't understand their commitment and passion for the dogs, etc.

So it is equal Just more women on here it seems.
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-09-2012, 06:22 PM
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You aren't being a control freak. You have set a schedule. It is the same with babies- throw off the routine and its all over.

I agree with the above. Lists are a great tool. I leave short lists for my bf so he knows what to do OTHER than just walk the dog (i.e. tell me where he "goes" so I can clean it later because I know you aren't going to do it!, medications, pick up the cotton and backer rod so he doesn't eat it, etc.) lol. He comes in the afternoon of my long days to let him out in between his shifts at work as he works closer to my house.

Does your SO join you for training classes? It really helped my guy understand certain things (he has had a dog before but not like "his own". More of a family pet). It also helped to hear it from someone else and not just me.
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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-09-2012, 06:31 PM Thread Starter
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My SO is involved in the training process, but I am still the main person doing it.

I tried to explain the whole making him hold it in the morning thing, and he said I am nuts lol

My SO has never had a family pet, and so this whole "he is a family member" thing is still setting in for him...

I am going to do the list thing and see how it goes... I just like things done a certain way, and very few people meet my expectations when it comes to taking care of my boy. Hence we have not left him for more than 4 or 5 hours since we got him at 9 weeks.

Thank you all for your advice and encouraging words!
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-11-2012, 12:49 AM
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As a member of the inferior sex, I shall share what has allowed me to survive as I've gotten older.... my smartphone's calendar and alarms.

I honestly have to set an alarm/reminder for everything if I'm going to be on time/remember. I have three alarms in the morning.... one to wake up... ten minutes later another to GET OUT OF BED (that's the alarm clock at the foot of the bed... can't shut it off without actually getting up,), and then another to "LEAVE FOR WORK!" <---- It actuallys says that on the screen.

If it weren't for those alarms, I'd be unemployed.

My point... sounds like he needs to set an alarm that reminds him to: "Take dog out.... NOW!" two minutes after his "wake up alarm" goes off. We menfolk get distracted waaay too easily.

Ooh! A squirrel!

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post #16 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-11-2012, 02:19 AM
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Yeeeeah I'd nip that in the bud stat. My boyfriend went through dog 101 bootcamp before we got serious. I made sure of that!
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