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Old 11-27-2012, 03:03 PM   #51 (permalink)
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My heart breaks for you, and your loss...
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Old 11-27-2012, 08:41 PM   #52 (permalink)
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I am so so sorry for your loss.

I had a once in a lifetime cat too. Her name was Maggie, my parents bought her for me when I was one, and she was 8 weeks old. She passed when I was 18 (she was 17). I was absolutely gutted, and 13 yrs later I still miss her. She was literally my best friend for many years (I was made fun of horribly in grade school, Maggie got me through it). She really only liked me, and slept with me every single night (and passed in her sleep beside me). I vowed after her that I would never have another cat, it hurt too much.

Fast forward about 4 yrs, and now I'm a vet tech at a very busy clinic. A client brought in a mature female cat that was a dead ringer for my Maggie. I had to have her, I named her Rags after my Maggie (we called her Mag Rags), and her and I bonded so close. I say that she "fixed me", she really did, she made me love cats again. She healed my heart. My boss figured she was about 7 when she came to us, I lost her 2 yrs ago, so she was around 14-15 yrs old. She crashed one night, went from my lively, bossy, dominant girl to this sick, frail old lady. Tests came back as thryoid, but she passed that night before we could even start the meds Again my heart broke.

I now have two lovely girls, they aren't Maggie or Rags, but they make my heart smile. A 8 yr old rescued Ragdoll, and a 2 yr old tabby from the shelter. Maggie and Rags were special, and they both showed me how to really love, and now Mouse and Meka get the full benefit of that.

I am sorry for the long story, and I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs.
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Old 11-27-2012, 09:22 PM   #53 (permalink)
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A beautiful story, Shell81. Thank you for sharing it with me.
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Old 11-28-2012, 03:06 AM   #54 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry (((Hilary)))
It is obvious he was very much loved.
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Old 11-28-2012, 01:15 PM   #55 (permalink)
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You getting one foot in front of the other?

Just checking on you.
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Old 11-28-2012, 01:58 PM   #56 (permalink)
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I am so sorry for your loss. Your Reebok looks so much to me like my kitty Monsoon. I lost her at around 12 years of age to aggressive cancer. I have had many cats in my life, but she was special. I rescued her from starvation at a park and she got along with my dobie Taz so I kept her. She comforted me and mourned with me Taz's death, and was companion to Pogo (my last dobe). I put her down approx. 6 months before Pogo died of DCM. She waited for me to get back from a long vacation before going down hill quickly. I still miss her, but am happy that I was able to provide a happy home to her.

I have helped rescue other kitties in her honor, but I can't keep them. Pula is too prey-driven for me to subject a cat to that energy. Maybe when Pula is older...

Again, I am so sorry for your loss but am happy you found such joy with Reebok. That is a blessing that not everyone gets.

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Old 11-28-2012, 02:03 PM   #57 (permalink)
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Ha, so funny....you must have some crazy kind of 6th sense going on because I am having the hardest time.

I'm bitter. I admit it. I feel like he was stolen from me. Some ugly thing pulled him from my hands, took him away from me and it had no rights to him. I've started my rainbow bridge post 3 or 4 times now and it just ends up angering me so I delete it all. I sit staring at his little glossy black urn in utter disbelief. I wasn't ready. I know you never are, but this phrase keeps repeating in my mind "I WASN'T READY!"

Right now is still so fresh. Instead of comforting me my memories just wound me. And nobody asks me about him and if I'm okay anymore (except here ). It's lonely and awful.

I have one 15 year old cat left and I know she's next on the list. I love her, but we are not bonded as I was to my boy. In anycase she is being stalked and smothered by me because if I close my eyes and hold her softly and smell her fur it can almost convince me he's still here.

So.....that's where I am. Pits and blah and tears and denial and resentment and cookie dough and sleepless lurking on DT and too few showers and all the other classic ways to deal with loss.


He was best buds with the borzoi next door and I haven't told her yet that her boyfriend's gone.


And here he is helping keep my lap (and belly full of 1st baby) warm while I decorated the nursery 9 years ago...


And here he is matching our decor in our first house


OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Old 11-28-2012, 02:24 PM   #58 (permalink)
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I know.

I remember.

It's a freaking wonder I didn't land in jail, when Ez left.

I was so damned mad at the infinite unfairness of it all that I wanted to land some good solid punches at anyone who breathed near me.

It's not linear you know? Grief, it's not.

As the days roll on, you will find there are times you do better and then there will be times you have to double over, and can't think or walk or shower.

Not a whole lot of people will understand, or even recognize how bad you're feeling.

And people forget to check in, as more time passes.

Try to be easy on them--we humans let each other down, and a whole lot of the time, it's not intentional. It's just life and hectic schedules and forgetting what is really important.

I'm guilty myself, so hard for me to get too torqued at others, for that.

But, all that is by way of saying, you will often have to be the one to take care of you--and Reebok wants that. He does not want you to forget him, as if you could, but he needs you to be able to keep going, care for yourself, and be able to talk to him calmly again someday--and maybe welcome that special love again someday, if the opportunity presents.

He'd really like for you to have that. He misses your lap, yeah, but he's okay--his spirit is free and good. Talk to him.

The pic with the Borzoi is awesome.
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Old 11-28-2012, 02:31 PM   #59 (permalink)
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Hilary, I'm really sorry. We understand, and we're here for you. I don't know if it's an option in your area, but around here there are some pet loss support groups that are really helpful, because they also "get it."

Feel free to come here and get it out; be angry, sad, whatever you need. We're here.
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Old 11-28-2012, 02:34 PM   #60 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedFawnRising View Post
I know.

I remember.

It's a freaking wonder I didn't land in jail, when Ez left.

I was so damned mad at the infinite unfairness of it all that I wanted to land some good solid punches at anyone who breathed near me.

It's not linear you know? Grief, it's not.

As the days roll on, you will find there are times you do better and then there will be times you have to double over, and can't think or walk or shower.

Not a whole lot of people will understand, or even recognize how bad you're feeling.

And people forget to check in, as more time passes.

Try to be easy on them--we humans let each other down, and a whole lot of the time, it's not intentional. It's just life and hectic schedules and forgetting what is really important.

I'm guilty myself, so hard for me to get too torqued at others, for that.

But, all that is by way of saying, you will often have to be the one to take care of you--and Reebok wants that. He does not want you to forget him, as if you could, but he needs you to be able to keep going, care for yourself, and be able to talk to him calmly again someday--and maybe welcome that special love again someday, if the opportunity presents.

He'd really like for you to have that. He misses your lap, yeah, but he's okay--his spirit is free and good. Talk to him.

The pic with the Borzoi is awesome.
Karen, this made me cry. Thank you for writing it. Grief is so personal; it's different for everyone. I'm currently feeling guilty all the time that Richter occupies so much attention that I'm not sad enough for Simon. I know it's silly, but you can't help feeling what you feel when you're grieving. There are some times when his loss just hits me, and I cry and cry, and other times I am able to look at his picture on my desk and smile, because I can see how much we loved each other.
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Old 11-28-2012, 04:10 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Its so true what Karen said, grief is so different for every person and we as humans don't often understand how the other feels. We also process and respond in different ways.

My worst memory of when I had to let my Charcoal go is of my boss at the time. Honest to God, he saw me crying and asked what was wrong. Ok, perhaps I shouldn't have allowed myself to cry at my desk but I had just let my Co go that morning. I told him about having to have Co pts and his response, wait for it.......... "Wow, you killed your cat? Good job. You should've just shot him and saved yourself the vet bill."

This boss was an extreme smart ass and when he saw the look on my face he apologized profusely. Nevertheless, the damage was done and to this day, over 4 years later, that comment stands out in my mind.

Your boy reminds me so much of my Co, I still cry over him some days. At times its easier, others its difficult to imagine owning another cat any time soon. I'll keep you in my prayers.
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Old 11-28-2012, 04:25 PM   #62 (permalink)
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(((HUGS))) to everybody.
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Old 11-28-2012, 04:27 PM   #63 (permalink)
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Quote:
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I'm bitter. I admit it. I feel like he was stolen from me. Some ugly thing pulled him from my hands, took him away from me and it had no rights to him. I wasn't ready.
I still feel that way about the loss of my Ruger (Dobe). He had JUST had his annual perfect checkup at the vet, we had JUST buried our other dog and out of the blue a stupid tumor cropped up and ripped him from my arms. I got the call from the vet in my office (she was performing exploratory surgery to see if it could be removed). I was beyond gutted. I lost it, completely- had just enough time to slam my office door before falling APART... Thank gawd I have awesome coworkers who understood my pain.

That was over the summer, and there are days when it is still so raw and painful... Having the new puppy (Remy) is the only thing that has kept me sane a few times... And I too have yet to be able to write his Rainbow Bridge, and in fact have a hard time even visiting that section at all...

Have you thought about adopting a new kitty? When I lost my heart boys, I adopted 2 new meezers within a few months of each loss. Did they replace what was gone?? Absolutely not- but did they help me start to heal? You betcha- they bring joy to me every single day, just like Remy does.
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Old 11-28-2012, 05:10 PM   #64 (permalink)
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Ahhh, you have a Remy too!

My hands are full with this dobe pup. She's presenting some challenges for me so we will keep it simple for a while and hold off on additions. But I know I will want another one day. And who knows, maybe one will find me first.

Crazier things have happened....
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Old 11-28-2012, 08:54 PM   #65 (permalink)
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Little tip for y'all.

Do NOT watch Charlie Brown Christmas while reading this thread.

Some of us are not beautiful when we cry, nope, not at all.
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Old 11-28-2012, 09:22 PM   #66 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedFawnRising View Post
Little tip for y'all.

Do NOT watch Charlie Brown Christmas while reading this thread.

Some of us are not beautiful when we cry, nope, not at all.
Now that's funny! I'm a hideous cryer - swollen, blotchy and ill looking.

Needless to say I'm on self-imposed house arrest for the time being...
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Old 11-29-2012, 05:20 AM   #67 (permalink)
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A chat noir print even. (((Hilary))))
Wonderful photos.
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Old 11-29-2012, 10:05 AM   #68 (permalink)
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I'm an ugly crier, too. I don't trust those who cry prettily.
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Old 11-29-2012, 10:44 AM   #69 (permalink)
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Anyone who can cry without attaining puffy eyes and a red nose, is never to be trusted.
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Old 11-29-2012, 10:51 AM   #70 (permalink)
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I have one friend who is a downright beautiful crier. Just lovely. Her cheeks flush and her lashes get all fringy and sparkly. There is something very wrong with that.

Look what I found! I forgot I took this video. This was over the summer and I was sitting on my front porch (in my jammies ) one morning taking pictures of Remy when Reebs sauntered up for some lovin.

I took a little video of my boy.

reebok



I promise, no more morose posting. This has been incredibly cathartic for me though, so thank you for putting up with me.

Last edited by Hilary; 11-29-2012 at 11:07 AM..
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Old 11-29-2012, 10:57 AM   #71 (permalink)
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Let the tears fall, no one here is going to judge you, but we will send hugs to you.

So sorry for your loss.
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Old 11-29-2012, 06:37 PM   #72 (permalink)
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A co-worker had pointed out to me many years ago that the real reason to hate Demi Moore is the fact that, throughout Ghost, she looked entirely lovely when she cried. Unnatural. Absolutely.

Grief comes and goes and takes time and, really, never quite goes away. Gosh, though, I love having had the relationships that lead to the grief, both animal and human.
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Old 11-29-2012, 08:25 PM   #73 (permalink)
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I am coming in late but feel your grief. I had a very special kitty named Andrew who was killed (thrown out my apartment window) by an abusive X when I was 20. I didn't know he did it at first but he later confessed as he was being hauled off to the psycho ward. No joke.
My Andrew, not here long enough but so precious.
I am so horribly sorry for your loss.
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Old 11-29-2012, 10:33 PM   #74 (permalink)
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Just saw the update and I am so sorry for your loss. There is something special about black cats.
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Old 11-30-2012, 08:59 AM   #75 (permalink)
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Quote:
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I am coming in late but feel your grief. I had a very special kitty named Andrew who was killed (thrown out my apartment window) by an abusive X when I was 20. I didn't know he did it at first but he later confessed as he was being hauled off to the psycho ward. No joke.
My Andrew, not here long enough but so precious.
I am so horribly sorry for your loss.
Dear God, how horrifying. I am terribly sorry you had to live thru that - I can't begin to imagine. RIP Andrew kitty.
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