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Old 02-05-2013, 02:25 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Hardest Times in Relationships...

It's been a while since I've been on DT... I've been facing depression issues and having difficulties adjusting here...

Things aren't horrible; in fact, some have improved while others have just fallen apart completely. As a senior in high school, transferring isn't as hard as many have told me. It isn't easy, but after 4 months I am finally getting the hang of it. I had a fine day at school as well; it's just one problem...

Before I moved, I was dating a guy for a good 5 months before I had to move to Ontario. The relationship was fine but it started to fall apart around October... It was more of a big misunderstanding at first so we worked it out after a few hours. However, as months went by to almost our anniversary, he suddenly tells me he can't handle the long distance relationship anymore, sees no point, and that he has no feelings for me anymore. I know it's not me and it's the fact that since we were so physically detached for a long time, and he's really stressed too, I can't tell if he's just doing this out of stress or if he just doesn't want to do it anymore. It was real sudden too, not even a warning, sign, nothing...

So, we broke up three days ago. It was going fine before this, but I figured all of the things we fought about and things I adjusted for him while he did nothing for me, just made him more comfortable. Since he's so comfortable with his state, how I waited for him patiently after academies, he's already used to me not being there. He's in an environment he's already fond of unlike me who's having a hard time, he just adjusts so easily to this. It's as if it's that easy for him to let go of me and put all of our good memories away like it was nothing... That hurts the most.

Last night, it wasn't smart, I read all the sweet letters he wrote to me. I couldn't stop balling my eyes out for hours nor could I sleep... I had to sleep with my older sister last night. After the break up, I hadn't eaten for two days nor slept. Last night I got some sleep but still haven't eaten a thing... I don't even feel hunger. To be honest, he has caused some traumatic experiences to me, his words, his actions, etc. that it's not him that I'm upset about... It's just the sudden lonely feeling. I've come to realize I was supposed to go through this earlier but I haven't because he was there was my cushion. I just feel like something has been ripped apart from me and I can't adjust to it at all...

I know I'll find someone else. I'm aware of that. It's not him, it's just the next few days, months, possibly years, of that feeling of longing and loneliness. I have an issue with people leaving me due to the past, especially those who were close, and I'm alone in the house more than 8 hours a day. In BC, I could just call a few friends and we'd go out and have fun, get a drink, and I would be totally fine but here I can't do that anymore...

To be honest, I don't even know why I'm posting this here. It just helps me I guess... I do want him back but I know it's because of this loneliness that I can not handle. I myself admit that we wouldn't last for a long time seeing how he suddenly changed. I just can't recover quickly... My grades are dropping, I'm constantly crying, not eating, lack of sleep, and just depression (Which I've had issues before)... He did say to remain as friends but I just don't want that friendship anymore... I want more than a friendship but I know it won't happen again. Also, I can sense how awkward it is for us to suddenly talk like nothing happened. I just find it hard adjusting without him or having that 'someone' to go too when down... I'd fall asleep after texting with him but now I can't/have nobody to do that with... Even friends here. I'm having more issues because it's almost Valentine's Day... It was the day when we made up after a huge fight we had and we grew feelings for each other, and April was when we started dating. I'm worried I'll get upset on Valentine's Day because of all those memories. Also hurt by the fact that I feel like my ex won't care/think about it/me anymore either...

It's just hard... Break ups are always the hardest in relationships and I'm sure time will be needed in order for me to heal.... I don't want to be this depressed and emotional for months though, I want to get it over with but I just can't. I'm not sure why. People told me it was time for a break and I think so too, but I'm already lonely as hell and that bothers me. I feel a little better now but I know if I see/read those letters again or if I talk to him I'll get emotional (I want to talk to him though but when I do I get upset more...) It's always at night when I get most lonely/depressed too... I just want to get this over with and be comfortable and good 'friends' like we used to be... The loneliness is hard here, adjusting is getting better but needs work, and my life just seems out of place ever since that break up...

This is probably the longest thread I have ever written. I'm sorry DT; this just helps me let it out...
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Old 02-05-2013, 02:30 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Aw, I'm sorry you're going through this. Heartbreak's suck, we've all had our fair share.

I read somewhere (though take this with a grain of salt as I have no sources right now) that women feel connected through talking and sharing, while men feel connected through the physical aspects of relationship. Not just sex, but also the seeing, the touching, the holding, etc.

You've been given a great opportunity to start fresh in a new place. And I know that's so hard to see right now, but so many of us would love to be in your shoes. Take advantage of it as much as you can!
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Old 02-05-2013, 02:37 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hey Jodi,
Sisters are great, huh? Glad you have your big sis to be near you when things are hard.
Where in Ontario are you living?
Hang in there, girl.
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Old 02-05-2013, 02:50 PM   #4 (permalink)
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You will not go through years of longing and loneliness.

You're going to be bummed for a while but that's normal. But life's not over as you know it. It's just different now. And since you weren't spending a lot of time with him anyway due to the move, things have really only changed for you philosophically. You still have all the same free time to yourself as you did before, but now you don't have to check in with anyone.

Be sad, for now. And that's okay. But it won't last. Having been through some major break-ups and 1 failed marriage at this point in time...life does go on, and it gets better than it was before. Hang in there.
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Old 02-05-2013, 03:21 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlyssaN View Post
Aw, I'm sorry you're going through this. Heartbreak's suck, we've all had our fair share.

I read somewhere (though take this with a grain of salt as I have no sources right now) that women feel connected through talking and sharing, while men feel connected through the physical aspects of relationship. Not just sex, but also the seeing, the touching, the holding, etc.

You've been given a great opportunity to start fresh in a new place. And I know that's so hard to see right now, but so many of us would love to be in your shoes. Take advantage of it as much as you can!
Yeah, I'm afraid to say that is true for most men. I know many men who can handle long distance relationships (I know someone who did it for 8 years and they're married now! ) while many can't. I remember my ex telling me that there was no point in this relationship anymore because I wasn't physically there anymore, relationships are supposed to be occur when the significant other is physically there, etc... I can see how that is true.

I appreciate all the encouragement from everyone. I always find it better to share these things with those who have been through something similar. I try not to think it's all too bad; I know there are far worse cases, haha. I'm trying to think positively and getting myself active and involved. Trying... I hope it'll be over with soon...
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Old 02-05-2013, 05:35 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Hardest Times in Relationships...

Hugs darling. I've been pretty lucky that I haven't gone through that but it's partially because I won't put my self out there to experience that. I know it sucks but it's better to have had those feelings at one point to grow from them then to never have them and wonder and not know. And you can always tell yourself boys suck haha


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Old 02-05-2013, 06:29 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Hardest Times in Relationships...

I'm sorry you're going through this and unfortunately there's nothing you can do to just get over it. It will take time and eventually you will and you'll be stronger for it.

I swear its break up season, I recently had a break up,my best friend was dumped by her boyfriend who we all assumed was about to propose, another friend had a break up. Luckily we have each other to commiserate with. :/

Just try to focus on things that make you happy. I started reading a lot more at night. It gives me something to focus on rather than missing him. It's funny because when relationships end we tend to remember the good times and forget about all the sh*tty times. Remember the sh*tyy times and remember them well. Use this to reevaluate what you're really looking for.

Mine wanted to "be friends" as well. He said he just couldn't imagine his life without me. (I broke up with him but for reasons he's working on but isn't quite where I need him to be... It's a long story). I don't recommend trying to do the friend thing right away. I found I was becoming extremely resentful about it and it truly made things worse. (And I'm friends with almost all my exes) Also it doesn't help you heal bc you hold on.

I've also listened to the Bruno Mars song "when I was your man" on repeat. It's a perfect song for our relationship. And it makes me feel better in a weird way bc I like to think he's feeling that way

Good luck. You aren't going through it alone. There are a lot of us in a similar boat :-( I hope u at least have a doggie to snuggle with.


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Old 02-05-2013, 06:41 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Old 02-05-2013, 06:54 PM   #9 (permalink)
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When we broke up, I was just upset because I felt a huge loss. In a short period and knowing we would be physically apart for a while, we were so dedicated and committed into the relationship. I personally remembered the shitty times; the times he damaged me and the things I did for him... But when I see things that contain our memories when things were great, I just don't understand and feel horrible and lost wondering, how did something that we both cherished so much, change into this so suddenly...

What should I do with those letters? Whenever I read or even think about that, I start to tear up... Even as a type thinking about them, I'm beginning to become emotional. I figure if I throw them out, I'll want to look at them again because I miss him. If I keep them, it'll only hurt me more, remembering him...

I just find it harder to accept the fact that this break up is almost nothing to him. He has no difficulties, no second thoughts, nothing seems to affect him... It's almost as if he's happy. Next week is Valentine's Day... An important day for both of us... I'm sure he's already forgotten about it and not care about what kind of day it was.
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Old 02-05-2013, 07:02 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iHeartKyu View Post
It's been a while since I've been on DT... I've been facing depression issues and having difficulties adjusting here...

Things aren't horrible; in fact, some have improved while others have just fallen apart completely. As a senior in high school, transferring isn't as hard as many have told me. It isn't easy, but after 4 months I am finally getting the hang of it. I had a fine day at school as well; it's just one problem...

Before I moved, I was dating a guy for a good 5 months before I had to move to Ontario. The relationship was fine but it started to fall apart around October... It was more of a big misunderstanding at first so we worked it out after a few hours. However, as months went by to almost our anniversary, he suddenly tells me he can't handle the long distance relationship anymore, sees no point, and that he has no feelings for me anymore. I know it's not me and it's the fact that since we were so physically detached for a long time, and he's really stressed too, I can't tell if he's just doing this out of stress or if he just doesn't want to do it anymore. It was real sudden too, not even a warning, sign, nothing...

So, we broke up three days ago. It was going fine before this, but I figured all of the things we fought about and things I adjusted for him while he did nothing for me, just made him more comfortable. Since he's so comfortable with his state, how I waited for him patiently after academies, he's already used to me not being there. He's in an environment he's already fond of unlike me who's having a hard time, he just adjusts so easily to this. It's as if it's that easy for him to let go of me and put all of our good memories away like it was nothing... That hurts the most.

Last night, it wasn't smart, I read all the sweet letters he wrote to me. I couldn't stop balling my eyes out for hours nor could I sleep... I had to sleep with my older sister last night. After the break up, I hadn't eaten for two days nor slept. Last night I got some sleep but still haven't eaten a thing... I don't even feel hunger. To be honest, he has caused some traumatic experiences to me, his words, his actions, etc. that it's not him that I'm upset about... It's just the sudden lonely feeling. I've come to realize I was supposed to go through this earlier but I haven't because he was there was my cushion. I just feel like something has been ripped apart from me and I can't adjust to it at all...

I know I'll find someone else. I'm aware of that. It's not him, it's just the next few days, months, possibly years, of that feeling of longing and loneliness. I have an issue with people leaving me due to the past, especially those who were close, and I'm alone in the house more than 8 hours a day. In BC, I could just call a few friends and we'd go out and have fun, get a drink, and I would be totally fine but here I can't do that anymore...

To be honest, I don't even know why I'm posting this here. It just helps me I guess... I do want him back but I know it's because of this loneliness that I can not handle. I myself admit that we wouldn't last for a long time seeing how he suddenly changed. I just can't recover quickly... My grades are dropping, I'm constantly crying, not eating, lack of sleep, and just depression (Which I've had issues before)... He did say to remain as friends but I just don't want that friendship anymore... I want more than a friendship but I know it won't happen again. Also, I can sense how awkward it is for us to suddenly talk like nothing happened. I just find it hard adjusting without him or having that 'someone' to go too when down... I'd fall asleep after texting with him but now I can't/have nobody to do that with... Even friends here. I'm having more issues because it's almost Valentine's Day... It was the day when we made up after a huge fight we had and we grew feelings for each other, and April was when we started dating. I'm worried I'll get upset on Valentine's Day because of all those memories. Also hurt by the fact that I feel like my ex won't care/think about it/me anymore either...

It's just hard... Break ups are always the hardest in relationships and I'm sure time will be needed in order for me to heal.... I don't want to be this depressed and emotional for months though, I want to get it over with but I just can't. I'm not sure why. People told me it was time for a break and I think so too, but I'm already lonely as hell and that bothers me. I feel a little better now but I know if I see/read those letters again or if I talk to him I'll get emotional (I want to talk to him though but when I do I get upset more...) It's always at night when I get most lonely/depressed too... I just want to get this over with and be comfortable and good 'friends' like we used to be... The loneliness is hard here, adjusting is getting better but needs work, and my life just seems out of place ever since that break up...

This is probably the longest thread I have ever written. I'm sorry DT; this just helps me let it out...
Dear IHeart.

I'm very sorry you are going through this. Heart breaks are brutal, especially when you aren't steady on your own two feet to begin with. I went through a situation similar to yours, except I had been with my partner for years. He flat out one day said he couldn't handle the distance anymore (we were long distance intermittently as he went to school and stayed with me over the summer). Let me tell ya girl, he's just a coward and he's using that as a cop out! There are other things in the relationship he was unhappy with and the LD excuse was just the easiest for him to come up with. He may or may not know what it is that's making him unhappy, but chances are, its not really the long distance solely causing it.

I can completely sympathize with how painful it is when it doesn't seem to affect him at all. Guys (in my experience anyway) just process things differently... It won't really hit him till a while later... If it doesn't, chances are he was never really committed to the relationship in the first place and if that's the case, you are WAY better off with it ending now rather then later.

I also made the mistake of reading letters etc... and was devastated, just like you describe, though I didn't have a sister to hold me. In terms of him and letting go of the hurt and the memories and everything, this is what worked for me.

First, I ended up getting rid of anything and everything I associated him with. Letters, pictures, objects.. Everything! Put it in storage if you don't feel comfortable just flat out getting rid of it, but make sure you don't have easy access to it and that it's out of sight.

Second, keep yourself busy. This is key. If you are busy, you won't be analyzing things over and over and over wondering what you could have done differently etc etc etc... Please try to keep yourself from doing this, it will totally snuff your spirit and soul. You are an amazing person, and you deserve to be happy. Don't tell yourself anything different... Don't let those memories/feelings take over and keep beating your poor heart with painful things.

Another key is don't keep yourself from feeling sad. Give yourself a hour a day to just feel what you need to feel, no bars hold. Sometimes our lives get in the way of our need to deal with our challenges, so it's important to remember to take care of yourself. Cry your eyes out, scream, punch a pillow, take a big bubble bath and soak with a good funny book... Make sure you get daily exercise to get those good endorphins going! Even if it's a walk around the park... Do not bottle that hurtful stuff up! It's toxic and will rot you from the inside out if you let it... Your sis sounds like a great person to have. Ask for a hugs, often, the really good hard squeeze kind of hug!!! Ask her to tuck you up in a blanket on a sofa with a hot chocolate and your favorite treat (chips are mine!) when the feelings get particularly bad. Have her just sit with you and keep you company while you watch a funny movie. Talk to your sister about you feel, your thoughts, your worries... You will tell her things and she will tell you how much better off you are without him. Sometimes you'll tell yourself you're better off, others you'll feel there's something that could've made the relationship work. However, it will take you repeating these things a bunch of times and going through the conversation many different ways for it to start to click... You will likely try to convince yourself in one way or another why he's worth you holding on or trying to talk to him about getting back together. You'll know on a subconscious level that he's not worth it, but it takes time for your conscious brain/heart to really accept that. Remind yourself that you don't need him in any way.

Being friends with him right now is really unhealthy... Maybe one day it won't be so harmful, but right now, you need some space and some good supportive people in your life. If you are alone alot during the day, find a way to prevent yourself from getting emotionally overwhelmed. Talking to friends online? Doing homework? Just make sure you don't get yourself worked up and make your feelings snowball. Find something to break that cycle from happening, watching a good TV show or reading a good book works for me. Don't let that loneliness take over (really make an effort at this...), and spend as much time as possible with your friends and family. If it hits harder at night, have something to do (like reading a book or playing a game of some kind) so you aren't trapped with this hurt that will snowball when you start to analyze it. Force yourself to eat, this is really important. A yogurt and fruit works for me if I'm not hungry/too upset to eat.. Soups are another good one if you aren't too hungry. Being tired, your body lacking what it needs and feeling faint will make the depression much worse. Also, make sure to stay hydrated. Stress is hard on your body. A good tea always makes me feel better... Have some warm milk and a banana before you sleep, it will help your mind wind down for sleep. Melatonin also helps.

Another key is to remind yourself how strong you are!! Strength is allowing yourself to feel love, which means making yourself vulnerable. No one could do this without a huge amount of strength and heart. It takes a lot of courage to feel love and to trust. With that strength you can overcome absolutely anything you put your mind to! The hurt will fade with time, this I promise. Just make sure you let go of the toxic stuff that's causing the hurt.

View this situation like food poisoning (lol...! ); your body won't be able to get better unless you stop eating the spoiled food. Once you stop eating the spoiled food, you need to take steps to help your body get rid of the bad stuff making you sick. Taking care of yourself, exercising, etc... will make you feel more yourself a lot faster then it would if you didn't take those steps. The same will apply to being heartsick..

There, I'm off my soap box!!

I send huge huge huge hugs your way. Send me a message if you want someone to chat to about life!
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Old 02-05-2013, 07:07 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I was with one guy for 7 months, we had talked online for 3 years up until the day he flew to Texas to meet me, so we became best friends and shared everything. When I met him I felt like I had known him my entire life. It was an instantly comfortable and euphoric relationship. I truly felt he was my soul mate. We had some problems but were trying to work through them. He got 2 weeks of leave before he was set to deploy to Afghanistan. The plan was for us to spend one week in Cali and one week in Texas. He flew me out to Cali and I met his entire family. Things were awesome. I bonded with his sister, we had a great time. We had a fight the night before the week was up. He broke up with me and sent me on the plane back to Texas alone. I died inside. I was majorly depressed when I got home. I could not eat. I was listless. It's been 8 years and I can still remember every laugh we shared, every intimate moment, his voice, seeing him for the first time in the baggage claim areas when he'd fly in to see me, making out in the airport parking lots before I'd have to say goodbye, things he said to me, where we had dinners, what he wore when we went out with his sister to a sushi place in Cali, I still have photos. I remember the song that was playing in the car on the way to the airport...the fray over my head. He wrote me off and meant it. It was easy for him. I couldn't understand it.


Life goes on. We have all been there. Venting is good. You are not alone! Be angry, upset, confused, depressed, sad, go through the motions..it's normal. Know that there is someone perfect for you out there. It might not be the next guy or the next 3 guys, or it just might be. It will get better though. Hugs to you. Read your signature quote to yourself

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Old 02-05-2013, 07:09 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iHeartKyu View Post
When we broke up, I was just upset because I felt a huge loss. ....how did something that we both cherished so much, change into this so suddenly... he met another, then you was gone.... ?

What should I do with those letters? toss them. Out with the old ......because I miss him. If I keep them, it'll only hurt me more, remembering him... Exactly.

I just find it harder to accept the fact that this break up is almost nothing to him. He has no difficulties, no second thoughts, nothing seems to affect him... It's almost as if he's happy appearances aren't everything. . .
disclaimer: a guy here, albeit, an old married fart.

responses above in red

and.. you are young.. you will get over him and find someone better.
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Old 02-05-2013, 07:16 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Hardest Times in Relationships...

Quote:
Originally Posted by iHeartKyu View Post
When we broke up, I was just upset because I felt a huge loss. In a short period and knowing we would be physically apart for a while, we were so dedicated and committed into the relationship. I personally remembered the shitty times; the times he damaged me and the things I did for him... But when I see things that contain our memories when things were great, I just don't understand and feel horrible and lost wondering, how did something that we both cherished so much, change into this so suddenly...

What should I do with those letters? Whenever I read or even think about that, I start to tear up... Even as a type thinking about them, I'm beginning to become emotional. I figure if I throw them out, I'll want to look at them again because I miss him. If I keep them, it'll only hurt me more, remembering him...

I just find it harder to accept the fact that this break up is almost nothing to him. He has no difficulties, no second thoughts, nothing seems to affect him... It's almost as if he's happy. Next week is Valentine's Day... An important day for both of us... I'm sure he's already forgotten about it and not care about what kind of day it was.
My friend had the same thing. They talked about getting engaged, looked at rings, etc. then all the sudden nothing "I don't love you anymore". I learned by him as well as my ex that men handle things differently. When I was at home miserable, he was out with his friends. When it seemed I was breaking down about every little memory it was as if he didn't care or forgot. Trust me he didn't.

Men just handle their emotions differently than we do. I can virtually guarantee he is affected but trying to put on a happy face. Remember men are supposed to be strong and not cry and get emotional and all that macho bs. I wouldn't throw away the letters you may want that someday. Maybe give them to a friend to hold on to until you are better and can have them in your possession without breaking down by looking at them. It hurts to be rejected but don't take it personally. I just remembered another friend called me today and said she got dumped :-( valentines day sucks! I have a date with my best friend that day :/


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Old 02-06-2013, 06:30 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Been there,done that. Over 30 years ago. You will survive. Don't dwell on the past. Hindsight is always 20/20. All that stuff that people tell you and you think they can't possibly know how YOU feel, well they do.

Now is the time to become comfortable with yourself. Discover the things in your life that you enjoy that don't involve being with a man. More of them will come along soon enough.
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Old 02-06-2013, 12:09 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Sorry to hear

Long distance relationships are tough, and not often do they work.

I went through a breakup 5 or 6 months ago, my ex and I were together for 3 years. It went from a normal relationship to her being a nasty, insensitive, selfish lying whore out of no where. (dam that felt good to say)
I had made plans to take a trip with her a month before she left to propose to her, had a ring and everything....so I was left dumbfounded when she told me she's moving out....she wanted to stay together but I broke up with her on the fact that you simply don't move away from someone to "fix" whatever issues she claimed to have. So, I was very down on myself. Not only for me, but the fact that she turned her back on Lexi as well...I drank heavily for a couple months and I don't recommend that. I don't recall much of anything last year in September and October...I had to make changes and stop feeling sorry for myself.

You have to let go of the things you shared, letters especially!!

I did the same thing...held onto some things that reflected on the relationship and it only led to mixed feelings when I looked at them later. It doesn't allow you to move on, it only drives you mad.

You have an upper hand already, being in a new environment. Take advantage of that!
Try not to beat yourself up over someone who seems to have moved on. (I know, it's easy to say)

Keep yourself busy! Channel your feelings onto something positive! For me, I started exercising, hardcore...it helped control the random feelings of lonliness, sadness or anger and I started looking awesome which helped re-build confidence.

I'm not sure if remaining friends is going to be a good idea, not when you want him back as your boyfriend. You'll set yourself up to be hurt even further...what will you do if you're friends with him and he finds a new girlfriend?? Save yourself the grief!!

Time will heal.
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Old 02-06-2013, 03:55 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Such good advice here... I just need to find the motivation to do some of it now, hah. Yesterday I was feeling somewhat better but today I've been down again. He keeps texting/contacting me like nothing happened, like friends, but I don't have the heart to ignore it or tell him that I don't want to be friends or anything anymore. To be honest, I do want to talk to him and I do miss him... I myself thought what would happen if he found a new girlfriend while I still liked him. My first boyfriend and I are still best pals... We were even after the break up. I guess it was easier because we both expected it and we both agreed on it... Nothing sudden like my ex right now has done. Even today, my first boyfriend and I talk casually, and he has a girlfriend himself and we're fine. I just don't know if being friends would be okay now or the future with this guy. I do want to talk to him, I do want to be part of his life, but I know he'll neglect me and come to me when he needs support. I could/would think of being back with him if we were ever to be physically there together again, but I have a feeling he just doesn't want me any closer to him than just a 'friend.' But what he calls 'friends' I feel like it's more 'someone he knows' ... I know for a fact that if he gets a new girlfriend while I still like him, these emotions will return...

I personally can't describe the emotions that I feel...
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Old 02-06-2013, 04:12 PM   #17 (permalink)
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You don't have to be mean to him, but be honest. Tell him you'd like to be friends eventually but right now you need some time for yourself to deal with things. It may hurt his feelings a little but right now your feelings are hurt. Which is more important? Protecting him from being hurt? Or taking care of yourself when you're hurt?

Also, he may just be contacting right now as a way of licking his own wounds. He's probably worried about how upset you may be and he's interacting with you to make sure you're okay so he can console his own awkward feelings of guilt about breaking up with you. Does that make sense? He wants to know you're okay so he doesn't have to feel bad about it. Sorry...that may sound harsh. I hope it doesn't come across as mean. That's been my experience on both the giving and receiving end of break-ups.

Even good break-ups require a little space for self-reflection.
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Old 02-06-2013, 05:55 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iHeartKyu View Post
Such good advice here... I just need to find the motivation to do some of it now, hah. Yesterday I was feeling somewhat better but today I've been down again. He keeps texting/contacting me like nothing happened, like friends, but I don't have the heart to ignore it or tell him that I don't want to be friends or anything anymore. To be honest, I do want to talk to him and I do miss him... I myself thought what would happen if he found a new girlfriend while I still liked him. My first boyfriend and I are still best pals... We were even after the break up. I guess it was easier because we both expected it and we both agreed on it... Nothing sudden like my ex right now has done. Even today, my first boyfriend and I talk casually, and he has a girlfriend himself and we're fine. I just don't know if being friends would be okay now or the future with this guy. I do want to talk to him, I do want to be part of his life, but I know he'll neglect me and come to me when he needs support. I could/would think of being back with him if we were ever to be physically there together again, but I have a feeling he just doesn't want me any closer to him than just a 'friend.' But what he calls 'friends' I feel like it's more 'someone he knows' ... I know for a fact that if he gets a new girlfriend while I still like him, these emotions will return...

I personally can't describe the emotions that I feel...
simple... don't answer. you have a life, too, without him. Be seen out having fun with friends. Word will get back to him and he will realize you can exist without his presence. It might shock him.
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:33 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlyssaN View Post

You've been given a great opportunity to start fresh in a new place. And I know that's so hard to see right now, but so many of us would love to be in your shoes. Take advantage of it as much as you can!
Great advice ( as are from the other posters ). I've been through couple of bad break ups before I met my husband, and after every single one, I felt like my world is going to end and that I can't function without that person ( my ex ), and that I will never find another one like him...well, I've never found someone like my ex(es)...I found someone way better aka my husband!The sooner you accept the fact that you guys are done and that you have to move on, the sooner you will start enjoying life again. I know this is easier said than done tough. Good Luck to you, we've all been through bad break ups...and all survived.Many many hugs to you.
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Old 02-06-2013, 11:22 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Honey, men are like street cars. You wait long enough and another will come along. Please be true to yourself and don't change your identity to meld with someone. You are you and the right guy will come along and love you for it.
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Old 02-06-2013, 11:39 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Aww hun, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It's an awful feeling that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It just takes time. I went through a horrible break up after college. It completely changed me, and I was emotionally drained. All my worst fears came true after 5 1/2 years, and I've been to a very low place before from some of the things I was put through. I truly thought my world was over, and it did take a decent amount of time, but I'm so much better off now. I learned so much from that relationship, and dealing with the breakup strengthened me.

Please don't let your grades slip! I've been there, and I know how hard it is to be motivated, but this is your life! You cannot let one boy ruin your future! Get your confidence back and forget about this A-hole! Keep moving forward! A friendship would be difficult, and he probably is saying that because he wants to keep the backdoor open in case he decides he wants to come back. You're young, and I promise you there will be other guys (probably other guys right now currently wanting to ask you out now that you are single, but you have to get your confidence back first!!)!
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Old 02-07-2013, 12:06 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Hey you know, maybe you missed a bullet. Look at it that way because there's a good chance he's a large reason why you're feeling *itty right now.
Some of the guys I was with I think to myself now "why did I put up with -whatever it was-", well he's someone else's problem now.

Sometimes that's all you can do.

And hey, maybe he was a narcissist(<-does best w/surface relationships), or passive aggressive(<-raised to squash feelings- bottle up anger) and it can take quite a long while to figure those things out because the early signs can be absent or too subtle for a lot of us to detect.

To the latter I saw an elderly psychologist woman on one of those dating shows recently say: "Don't trust anyone completely for a full year- they have to earn it".
Most are still putting their best act up early on--you gotta wait to see him w/his makeup off- unfortunately by the time he showed you this he was out the door. Not your fault!

Give that some thought and don't beat yourself up.
This could be a really good thing in disguise....and probably is.


eta:
ps. I don't stay friends with people who cut me to the bone and most boyfriends I spent more than a year with more than likely had me fully invested...I've no time or emotional space to entertain letting them back in the couple times there was a boomeranger.
The satisfaction in them realizing they may have made a mistake is just too delicious besides the fact I don't keep an open door policy.
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Old 02-07-2013, 05:19 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Yesterday I was down a lot more than usual but today is better. I wouldn't say better than the other few days but I think I've improved. I'm eating at least once a meal now (I didn't eat for 4 days) but still having problems with sleeping. I still get a little down when I'm alone during the day but I'm trying to get my mind off of it...

I think I misinterpreted one thing, haha. I didn't mean I didn't have the heart to be cruel to him, it was me. I don't/want to lose him completely... I don't know why. To be honest, I wouldn't accept him back even if he did ask but in another way, I do though I know it's best not too. Maybe this is normal? This isn't my first break up but it was my first serious relationship...

I'm still having bad days. Today was somewhat alright, definitely better than yesterday, but still having difficulties adjusting as other things are happening as well. I lost my house key... Again... Second time this month. I can't find a place to duplicate it anywhere so my sister and I are constantly arguing, walking in harsh, cold weathers and you get the point. I'm trying hard to get over him... Sometimes I wonder if just losing all contact with him would be good? When I see his activities on FaceBook or anything, I just get upset because he doesn't want to be seen talking to me. Yet, if I don't have contact with him, it's so much harder for me...
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Old 02-09-2013, 05:37 PM   #24 (permalink)
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chin up.

time heals all wounds.

good vibes your way
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Old 02-11-2013, 12:37 AM   #25 (permalink)
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I'm sorry that your feelings are hurt and you're confused. We've all been there. It might be hard to believe now, but you'll probably define "serious relationship" much differently once you're older and more mature and have had more of them.

I hope you'll take some time and realize how lucky you are, and consider that this is hardly "serious" when you think of what you could be facing. Serious relationships usually involve actual commitment, shared finances, homes, children, etc. It's not like you have to worry if you can make the mortgage payment due to your relationship split and keep a roof over the heads of your children and make sure that they've got food to eat. Things like that would be some *serious* @#%&. Choosing to punish yourself by not eating is a real slap in the face to people who are starving all over the world and literally don't have food to eat.

Things could just be so much more worse than they are. Please try to remember that and put it into perspective.
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