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Old 01-17-2013, 03:42 PM   #26 (permalink)
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hbw, I'm very sorry you have had to experience such a tragedy, and I hope you and your family can work through all this -- with a counselor and with each other.
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Old 01-17-2013, 06:02 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hbwright View Post
.......The odd thing is that, while we were about 200 feet away, we never heard this shot. Even more odd, my husband and I both saw him, and neither of us could describe the damage. It's almost like psychologically we were spared the sound or sight.
hbwright - so very sorry your hubby & you plus close neighbors, had to deal with this tragedy.

^^^^ 40 years ago, I was struck by a speeding car & suffered excruciating pain trama, for 2 straight days.
After recovery, I realized all 20-30 minutes before the accident was permanetly wipped out/clean of my memory bank.
- the images serve no purpose in shortening healing time, so they are best deleted from the start...a brain coping mechanism

Like falling off a horse while jumping, and ones last memory of the ride, was only putting the saddle on, earlier.
And afterwards, the rider has no fear of horses & easily continues the hobby...because the graphic accident details, are forever void.
(don't know what the medical term for this is, sorry - please consider it a good thing)
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Old 01-17-2013, 06:38 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Retrograde amnesia. It's a coping mechanism that your brain uses to protect you from trauma. It's definitely common in injuries or traumatic events, and it's completely normal. There are some memories you're better off not recalling and your mind can help protect you from them.
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Old 01-17-2013, 09:05 PM   #29 (permalink)
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I think there are some memories that are best forgotten. Please do not try to bring them back, unless it is under the guidance of a professional. My hubby tried for weeks to make sense of what had happened to him. It only served to make the pain of it more intense. Yes later under supervision by trained psychologists he did do regression therapy and it helped him. But without them I think the memories would have become twisted and his PTSD might have been worse.
Seek help as soon as you feel able.
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Old 01-18-2013, 03:29 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Thanks to you all. I am glad I brought this up. I was thinking this was a procedure but confused by it all. This is something I've never gone through and hope to never again. I've had family commit suicide and have known quite a few people, including just recently a friend of my daughters, a child, but none have been so physically close and traumatizing. I was just so fixated on this for some reason but after reading some responses I think it makes sense to me a little more.

Quote:
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I think there are some memories that are best forgotten. Please do not try to bring them back, unless it is under the guidance of a professional. My hubby tried for weeks to make sense of what had happened to him. It only served to make the pain of it more intense. Yes later under supervision by trained psychologists he did do regression therapy and it helped him. But without them I think the memories would have become twisted and his PTSD might have been worse.
Seek help as soon as you feel able.
I don't want this memory back. I am Christian and think of it as God's protecting me from what I cannot handle. I thought it odd that even though 3 of us were home, none of us heard the shot. I thought maybe it was because of the plaster walls, but we were towards the back of the house and my son was either in his bedroom or the breezeway and we have windows. None of us heard the shot. After talking to neighbors they all said it sounded like it was in their back yard.

I feel so greatful that the timing was just right. I am always out with the dogs and that is usually what I do first thing when I get home and my neighbor behind me is the same way. Her dogs were out but she stepped inside to the kitchen for a minute. After we got home my son took the trash outside, and probably was walking back into the house just as my neighbor was walking out his back door. I just cant even think if Sage were outside and heard the shot and looked. He could have seen him from where our trash cans are. That, and the thought that the bullet could have strayed and hit him, or my dogs, or my neighbors dogs. I think there was a hedge of protection around us in more ways than one.

I do know that my neighbor was suffering from severe osteoarthritis, had recently had a hernia and was supposed to go this week to have it fixed, and we found out that he was in liver failure from the medication he was taking. He was in a terrible amount of pain daily and suffering tremendously. His wife said she knew he was dying, but never expected this. I wish he would have reached out to me. I am in the hospice field and I could have helped him make other decisions. I don't understand, but I don't blame. I don't think many people have lived with that type of pain to understand.

I will be seeking counseling. I thought I was okay because I'm busy. Full time work, homeschooled children, extracurricular activities. I'm loosing it though. This has hit me hard today and I'm not dealing as well as I thought. I'm anxious to get back into a normal routine and actually sleep more than naps. I do appreciate all your kind words. They truly have helped me.
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Old 01-18-2013, 08:36 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Hbwright, please remember that there are always feelings of, if I had only known maybe I could have done something, looking back and seeing some signs and kicking yourself for not recognizing what was in his mind...I should have seen it, etc.

If you know someone close or even fairly close, those feelings and a certain sense of guilt are normal. You will have them, just don't dwell on those negative thoughts as they will do you no good. Plus, if he was this advanced in his suicidal thoughts the only thing that MIGHT have stopped him was immediate hospitalization in a GOOD mental health facility. Even hospitalization might not have affected his decision if he had no pain relief. His situation sounds very, very sad with no hope of relief for him.
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