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Old 01-02-2013, 05:54 AM   #1 (permalink)
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how long does it take?

it's been two weeks since Deck left us, and the heartache is still overwhelming. friends keep sending me links to rescue dogs, and it's all i can do not to bawl over it. how do you deal with the loss of a young dog? how long does it take before it doesn't hurt quite so much?

i miss my puppy. i don't want to get another dog so soon because it feels like i'd just be replacing him. we're slowly cleaning and putting all his things away, but every time i look in his room i want to cry. every time i come home, i want to cry.

what helps to ease the pain? drinking isn't the answer. i did enough of that over the Christmas holiday to prove it doesn't work.
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Old 01-02-2013, 06:16 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Sorry for your loss. It will be 2 years this month since I lost Hank and I still miss him to the point where I'll cry if I think about it too much.

I had to get another dog or I would have had to move out of that house to handle his loss. Every time I left a room and he wasn't right behind me when I turned around would kill me.

I lasted two months before I gave in and had to find a puppy to accupy me or would seriously have had to move.
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Old 01-02-2013, 06:23 AM   #3 (permalink)
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So sorry. I know for me I rescued a 6 year old about two weeks later. I swore I wouldn't get another dog when I lost my first, but not having something to step over, or wait at the door took its toll on me. That being said, after I got the rescue I felt ashamed when I would give her love at first, but that changed after I realized that the rescue was okay with not getting love because she never had it to start with. Then I realized the shame for not giving it far out weighed the shame for giving it.

You will know when it's time. My heart goes out to you.


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Old 01-02-2013, 07:05 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I dealt with my old girls death, at the end of August 2012.
- she was my soul mate and she loved her Dad & family, more than herself
First 2 weeks, I balled my eyes out, at the drop of a pin.
Week 3-8, eyes teered up less often, but still on occasion.

What help me big time (to cope) was ordering a new puppy, from a great breeder.
- Amy's toy boxes never were packed away, just could not make it that final
- her favorite pillow, still rested on the leather love seat end / wife & I smelled it occasionally, to remind us of her beautiful scent
Slowly Amy memories brought us huge smiles instead of many teers.

The new puppy was picked up 1.5 months ago, and I was happy...once again.
- my former dobes and the many experiences they gave me, will live on in training our new dober baby
- when Amy passed, I even had a hard time sleeping (at night)...as she liked leaning on me, had to always touch her loved ones
- life is good again, a dober replacement was needed here

So sorry to hear about your beloved Deck.
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Old 01-02-2013, 07:15 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I lost my first dobe with dcm and we didn't replace him for a number of years later..........don't wait that long!! My female doberman is the love of my life.

I'm so sorry for your great loss ..............you will know when it's time to look hugs from across the miles!!
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Old 01-02-2013, 07:48 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I do not think the sadness of missing your Deck ever goes away, it only gives up the space for you to love and care for others when you choose to.
Sorry for your loss!
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:28 AM   #7 (permalink)
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i know the sadness doesn't go away, and i expect it to be with me forever, but this heartbreaking ache in the middle of my chest every time i look at his normal sleep spots is nigh unbearable.

i'm just glad for two things: 1 - he didn't suffer, and 2 - our breeder has been fantastic through all of this. she's checked up on us a couple of times to see how we're doing. i just wish i could stop hurting.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:39 AM   #8 (permalink)
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The loss of a pet is a serious loss, especially for one who treats their pet as family. Allow yourself whatever time you need to grieve. But also allow yourself to move forward if/when you are ready. You may have days when you think you are doing well and then all of a sudden lose it. I think all of that is very normal.

Every person grieves differently. Some can't even fathom the idea of getting another pet, some need a puppy before their seniors are even ready to leave. I will say, puppies keep you busy and they bring joy. So if you are in a place where you are able to raise another puppy, it may be helpful to the grieving process. You are not replacing your last guy, you are starting again fresh. Every puppy is different and will bring a different set of challenges and happiness.

I am so sorry for your loss, and I hope you are able to find some comfort in your time of grief. When you are ready your heart will know.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:45 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I am so sorry about Deck.

I too, lost my Doberman Chaos, in Aug of this year. We loved her more than words.
No children in this house. Dogs & Horses are my babies, my life.

I completely understand how you feel.
In fact, many of us on this site understand your sense of loss.
Just time.

there are many dogs that need a loving home right now. You have so much love to give. When the time is right, please consider adopting. That dog will be so grateful to have you, it helps a little.
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Old 01-02-2013, 08:53 AM   #10 (permalink)
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It's been over a year since I lost my beloved Kai....and truthfully I'm still not over it. It's an indescribable pain and I'm almost to the point where I can talk about him without crying. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him or am reminded of something he did. I can't say it gets any easier, but I think you just learn to move forward with time.

I was fortunate that I already had another Dobe at home and was already on a wait list for another. Koa was raised with Kai and so he had a lot of the same behaviors which helped. Siri came home about 5 months after Kai passed and was a hellion...which was helpful because she kept me way too busy to be sad! Siri is like the reincarnation of Kai...she helped me heal more than anything.

Take your time. Cry. Scream. Have a fit of rage. It all helps. The pain you feel is directly proportional to the love you have for him.
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Old 01-02-2013, 09:11 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Every person is different.
I am ready for a new animal as soon as the current one is gone. My husband isn't. When our old lady dogs died this caused some tension in the household until I really understood that it was hard for him to commit to an animal again after the loss. It's not that we both didn't love the old ladies to death we just deal with loss differently.

So be patient with your friends, they are trying to help you. Explain that you aren't ready yet for a new dog and be prepared to explain it again and again. It took me quite a long time to "get it" with my husband.

You'll know when and if it's time to get another animal. No one can tell you how long or when you will be ready.
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Old 01-02-2013, 09:19 AM   #12 (permalink)
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i honestly think this would be easier to deal with if he were old, but he wasn't even 11 months old.


the next dog will be a rescue. we aren't able to deal with a puppy right now - this is why we had a pup last year. on top of that, after the litter her bitch is about to have goes out the door, our breeder won't have babies for a bit yet. by then, i think we'll be ready for another baby.
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Old 01-02-2013, 09:54 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Sorry for your loss. It is hard when they are young, I lost my boy last Sept at 3.5 yo. I still can't go 5 minutes without thinking about him. I too wonder how long it will last, and if it will ever get easier. Day to day now it is a bit easier, but I still can't look at his pictures, and I have thousands.

I made a little shrine in a closet with his ashes box on top of his frisbee surrounded by some of his toys and some other things. I think it will be there for a long time.

I can't even think of getting another dog yet, it would feel like I was replacing him. I am reserching breeders now and have gotten on a couple of waiting lists. My plan is for a new pup in Spring 2014.
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Old 01-02-2013, 10:07 AM   #14 (permalink)
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It takes as long as it takes. It's a non-answer, but the only one I have. For me, the fact that I've always had other animals depending on me has helped. It's hard to go shut down completely when you have a house full of them, all needing something, even if it's only food. But, I still sometimes break down and cry about pets I lost 10, 15 or even 25+ years ago. (I miss, you, Queeniey and Spirit.)
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Old 01-02-2013, 10:17 AM   #15 (permalink)
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i have the cats, so i haven't totally shut down...and they're doing their best to make us feel better. my girl cat has taken a special interest in the boyfriend, and she's never been his biggest fan.

still, i miss his noseboops.
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Old 01-02-2013, 11:22 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Grief is individual; it doesn't have a time table. The pain of the loss never disappears, it just gets lighter and easier with time. Some areas have really good pet loss grief groups. You might look for one; it can be really helpful to be able to talk to people who understand what you are going through.

It's only been about two months since we lost Simon. While he was elderly, we hadn't had him for even two years, so it was very hard to lose him. For us, the new puppy has helped tremendously, not because he's a replacement for Simon, but because he brings us joy in his own right and is also a good distraction. I can now look, for short times, at photos, though they do often make me cry. I can't watch videos of Simon yet.

You just take it one day at a time and let yourself grieve. Do what feels right to you, whatever that is (as long as it's not dangerous). Grieving is an individual process and you go through it at your own pace. There are no "rights" or "wrongs" when it comes to grieving.
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Old 01-02-2013, 01:08 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by falnfenix View Post
i honestly think this would be easier to deal with if he were old, but he wasn't even 11 months old.


the next dog will be a rescue. we aren't able to deal with a puppy right now - this is why we had a pup last year. on top of that, after the litter her bitch is about to have goes out the door, our breeder won't have babies for a bit yet. by then, i think we'll be ready for another baby.
I lost my baby Boris at 13 mths old. He died of choking on a stolen piece of meat and I wasn't even home but he was still warm when I drove into the garage. My husband was beside himself with shock and horror.

I had 3 other dogs but that didn't help the hard hole in my chest either. I brought home his littermate 3 weeks later and that helped enormously. He was so similar and yet so very different physically and a little calmer than my naughty Boris has been. The new dog gave me a ton of work to do and made me put aside my despair and depression because you just can't be fair to a new dog feeling that way.

I keep my grief with me and I cry for all my lost ones. I lost 2 of those older dogs last year and have since added 2 puppies - keeping me at 4 dogs. Every one I have lost fills me with deep sadness and guilt - guilt that I couldn't help them live forever in strength and happiness.

Time is the only helper, but it doesn't heal, just dims the pain and lets you be open to love.
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Old 01-02-2013, 01:45 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I recently lost my little Jack, I still find myself calling him into the kitchen for a sneaky snack, or to come when we are out walking.
It still hurts when I think of him, even though his passing was through severe illness, he was just 5 years old.

It still hurts when I think of Sasha my old Boxer girlie as well as Nova my old Mastif. But I can also now remember them with a smile.

I promise you, one day you too will catch yourself thinking about your boy and instead of bursting into tears you will find yourself smiling. How long you will have to wait is purely an individual thing.

Just let yourself grieve but please don't shut yourself away from the possibility of the love of another dog.

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Old 01-02-2013, 01:56 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I believe the pain is a permanent part of you now. It may dull over time but in those moments when his memory creeps into your head it will be accompanied by that familiar ache. Dogs may come and they may go but that special one stays with you forever.
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Old 01-02-2013, 02:32 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I am sorry for the pain that you are going through. I still feel the loss of my first two girls. I believe that there will always be that spot in our hearts. You will know when the time is right for another dog to enter your life. They will never replace but they do bring with them a new beginning and I wish you the best.
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Old 01-02-2013, 02:54 PM   #21 (permalink)
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I think it's harder to be at peace with their loss, when they didn't get to have their life.

I lost my bestest red boy ever, at only age three.

I guess that seems like a long time, to you, given how tender an age your boy was.

I can say this for sure--it's never long enough, no matter how young or old they are, for those very special ones.

I wish I had words to say, to help soothe you.

Healing vibes to you.
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Old 01-02-2013, 04:28 PM   #22 (permalink)
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I've never faced a loss of a dog, but am dreading the day when my lab mix will leave us ( he's getting up there in age ). I am so sorry for your loss, if you were right next to me, I would give you a huge hug, and we would cry together...I'm so sorry...
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Old 01-02-2013, 04:59 PM   #23 (permalink)
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So very sorry you are going through this. No matter what age they leave us, it is never enough time but losing one so young is tragic. You and only you will know when the time is right to bring another into your life. After losing our last one, Dax, at 11 1/2, it took us 3 months. By then, the house (no kids) was unbearably quiet and DH and I just didn't even want to come home. If it wasn't for our horse, we probably would not have some nights. When we got Baron at 13 months old, he made us smile again and home was a home again. Just remember, they are all different. They all have their own, distinct personalities. And, remember DT is a great support group. The majority of people here have gone through this, some more time than others and we are here to listen.
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