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Old 12-30-2012, 11:32 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Angry Bloody Panic attacks

A legacy of PTSD that seems to have taken a life of its own really stuffs up my life sometimes...and I can rarely pick what will trigger them.

Today, I know it's because I'm worrying over leaving Basil on his first NYE with me. He has experienced fireworks before and handled them fine...only barking and growling at them like he does any loud noise outside at night. He'll also be crated in my bedroom, so he won't disturb the neighbours... but I'm still freaking out about leaving him.

I've been invited to a picnic and concert + fireworks by a friend who is paying for ticket for me....and to be honest, I just want to stay at home. Even though it would be really nice to get out and do something social (other than dog training) for once.

I've tried xanax, now I'm going to try a bath, and then possibly vodka ...but so far, every time I even think of getting ready to go out I end up almost in tears.

Most times the panic attacks only affect things I'm ambivalent about...but every now and then something comes along that I'd really like to do....and I find them really horrible and frustrating then.
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Old 12-30-2012, 11:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
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First of all, do not go OUT to anything that triggers this feeling. Your body is telling you something.
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Old 12-30-2012, 11:52 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I am so sorry that you are going through this right now, and unfortunately I COMPLETELY understand these dreaded panic attacks that seem to come out of nowhere. I do agree with EmilyB, you may want to rethink your plans for NYE. Trust me, I know that it sucks to give in like that and not do something that you were really looking forward to, but personally I have learned that when I get panic attacks about going somewhere, they aren't going to go away when I get there...they will usually get worse for me (hopefully you are different than me, and would be okay once there!) Just a thought for you, it would be terrible to be that miserable once you get somewhere. Good Luck and feel better soon!
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Old 12-31-2012, 12:02 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I am usually ok once I get out of the house, after a short period of disorientation and angst...in the past I could always trust my "gut feelings" but these days I can't trust anything or anyone. (including myself)...I've lost that naivety of not being aware how quickly ...instantaneously...things can go bad and worse.

On good days and weeks, I'm quite normal and have no problems...then out of the blue, or sometimes just bad days/weeks/months I really really struggle to leave the house for more than just a short walk around the block. It's like living terrifies me.
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Old 12-31-2012, 12:11 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Australdi View Post
On good days and weeks, I'm quite normal and have no problems...then out of the blue, or sometimes just bad days/weeks/months I really really struggle to leave the house for more than just a short walk around the block. It's like living terrifies me.
^^^^That is the WORST feeling, and one that I don't wish on ANYBODY! I'm glad to here that you are usually okay after you are out for a little while though. When I get like that, there are only about 3 people (besides my doggies) who make me feel safe and secure. It's a sad feeling, almost like you're a terrified child again! I am still learning how to push through those feelings and try not to let them take over my life...it's especially hard when people around you have no idea how/why you feel like that.

Tomorrow night, do what is going to make you feel happy, calm, and safe! Again, I feel for you that you have attacks on that level
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Old 12-31-2012, 12:48 AM   #6 (permalink)
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My daughter has attacks like that--she lost close to 60 pounds her first semester at college because she couldn't get out of her dorm room to go eat at the cafeteria.

I couldn't tell whether you were joking or not, but on the off chance you weren't--alcohol and xanax are quite dangerous to take together. Of course, that depends on the amount of each and how far apart you take them, but............
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Old 12-31-2012, 01:17 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by melbrod View Post

I couldn't tell whether you were joking or not, but on the off chance you weren't--alcohol and xanax are quite dangerous to take together. Of course, that depends on the amount of each and how far apart you take them, but............
My thoughts exactly, Melbrod.

Be careful with mixing prescription, or otherwise , drugs and alcohol, Australdi. Think that's the leading COD over here.

Hope you have a good time!!!
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Old 12-31-2012, 01:28 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I am sorry that you are going through this. I and so many people in my family have suffered with this and since a sensitive nervous system is inherited - just like in animals and I do believe that environment sensitive people are hardwired to take in too much information coming at them from every day living that most people can just tune out. Our brain just gets way too many signals at the same time and tries to protect us by screaming "danger, danger" when there is none. If possible and you want to go - do so. Know that those feelings are just our short-circuited brain giving wrong signals. Breath, don't put a lot of expectations on yourself and focus on the right now, don't let your mind hop around. Remember a time when you felt in control and confident - REMEMBER what it felt like -focus on THAT feeling and breath -lots of deep breathing to keep oxygen to the brain : ) Good luck and you will be fine.
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Old 12-31-2012, 01:34 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I suffer from anxiety and have had many panic attacks, so I sympathize with your situation. When I had my first panic attack, I actually went to the hospital convinced I was having a heart attack (I was 21). It can be debilitating, but understanding what triggers the anxiety leading to the panic attacks is what helped me the most. It is mostly in the mind, and they can come out of nowhere. I always try to remember "mind over matter," and if I start to get freaked out or scared, then it only intensifies.

Only you know how you may or may not react if you go out and leave your dog alone on NYE. I hope everything turns out well and I'm sure NYE will be great whether it's with friends, or your wonderful dog!!
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Old 12-31-2012, 02:01 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I had my first panic attack getting ready to board an airplane after 9/11. I've flown maybe 3 times since ..........I get awfully sick when I'm on the plane I hate that feeling. I drive almost everywhere now.
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Old 12-31-2012, 02:31 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Well I was still in the bath when it was half an hour before pick up time, so I rang and cancelled. (with an option that I might walk down later...) As soon as I'd made the decision, the panic started to subside, but now I'm just feeling a mixture of relief and browned off because I'm missing what would probably have been a fun night.

I decided to give Basil his annual bath (which he wasn't too impressed with) as well, so now I smell like wet dog instead of the floral bubbles I just spent almost 2 hours soaking in...but that's ok Towelling off was more like a game of tug, and he's a cute little fluff ball now. We might walk down the road together at midnight to look out over the river and watch the fireworks.

Don't worry about the addition of alcohol...the xanax was only .05mg and I'll only be having a couple of champers later. My tolerance is waaaay waaaay higher than that, but I'd rather take a lower dose of something that's addictive...even if it's not enough to be really effective. Plus I'll eat somewhere in between.

I'm spending NYE with the only 'person' who matters to me...my best mate and companion.... Basil. and I think he's going to be a better companion than a crowd of drunken yobbos jerking around to a genre of music that I'm not into. (although I will miss my girlfriends...they're cool).

Hope everyone else has a more exciting night than I am though
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:11 AM   #12 (permalink)
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PTSD sucks. It sucks for the person suffering from it, it sucks for the people who have to live with the person suffering. My hubby was involved in an accident which involved him coming very close to being killed and it still haunts him 3 and a half years down the line.

Luckily he received treatment wherein under close medical supervision he had to relive the emotions of the accident over and over again and whilst to some this might sound even more traumatic it actually helped him overcome some of the fear he experienced doing stuff like going out etc.

Now I do not want to pry into what caused your PTSD, but if you havent had treatment for it, I would strongly suggest you do so. My hubby's doctor told him, if you do not receive treatment then eventually the incidences of panic attacks will increase, until eventually you become a prisoner in your own home.

There was never any rhyme or reason behind what started my hubby off. A bank of fog, a smell, a sound, people milling around, or simply silence, anything and everything was a potential trigger and whilst it sounds to me as if yours is through the uncertainty of what will happen outside you need really to get to grips with what is causing you to feel like you do.

Pills are wonderful, but they are not a cure and neither will they help you overcome what is causing you to have panic attacks. Nor will alcohol.

I honestly don't want to sound as if I am lecturing you, but speaking from the position of someone who lives with someone with Severe PTSD topped off by Severe Clinical Depression I know from watching my hubby slowly shut down, reject any kind of outside life because of panic attacks you have to get treatment.

Please ask your doctor about EMDR, Eye Movement Disassociation and Reprocessing. It isn't a cure, but it is as close to one as we have found thus far.

(unfortunately you are never cured of PTSD, as you are probably all too aware, but it can be controlled, at least to a certain extent,)

Best wishes from us all.
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Old 12-31-2012, 06:34 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I've tried several therapies, and even did a degree in Psychology as part of my "healing".

I'm going on 8 years since my world fell apart...but really it had been held together by sealing wax and swallows lips for 30 years prior. Nothing has been fully successful so far...I get relief from time to time...but it always seems to swing back under every new kick to the head I get when I try to pull myself out of the trench.
I've kinda got to the point where I am very head shy (metaphorically). The only therapy I can afford now is CBT (which is useless in my situation) as all my crimes compensation has run out (it was a pittance anyway...but it did pay for my degree). Unfortunately, I'm not quite at a point where I can work yet...and every step I take towards it, just seems to attract more problems

I've been struggling since Zil took sick, and once I lost him...I kinda lost myself as well.
Basil's wonderful, but he's not a dobe.
anyway...I just ride the rollercoaster like a wave...resillience and endurance are all I know. One day, maybe it will be better. I make hay on the good days...and hole up on the bad ones.
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Old 01-01-2013, 05:07 PM   #14 (permalink)
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do some research on

Motherwort (Leonurus cardiaca)

and

citalopram (Celexa)

Hugz to you and Basil!
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