When I was single, I was me, then I became a wife and then a mother. Yes I am still me, but before I am me, I am a wife and mother. That is how I see my role.
When you take someone into your life, you do just that, you take them into your life. I became a wife at 16, a mother at 18, but I can honestly say I have always made sure my husband and my sons were taken care of, no matter what the circumstances.
Am I blowing my own trumpet, no! I am merely stating that when you take on these roles you have to forget about the 'I' and become a 'we'.
I believe your BF's mother still thinks of herself as an 'I'.
Don't get me wrong, when you marry, have children you the person are not lost, instead you become more, or at least that is my opinion.
If this woman truly sits around and does nothing save watch TV then I would seriously say she does have some kind of mental / self esteem issue.
It may be that she just doesnt care, but I wonder, how long she would care if her son didnt do the shopping or the cooking etc.
Would she get up and cook for herself?
Honestly you have to be really ill to let yourself starve and I have a feeling she wouldnt do that.
It sounds to me as if she has become accustomed to being waited on, so if I were your BF I would simply take care of himself and perhaps his sister if he thinks his mother won't take care of her and let his mother stew in her own juices in her room.
I am not saying that his mother should be their slave, perish the thought, independence in ones children is what we all strive for, but there is a limit. We all have responsibilities in our roles and your BF's mother should be playing her part in their lives by taking up hers.
You say she cleans the house once a week, big deal. There are folk in this world that hold down one or more jobs, keep house, ferry their kids here there and everywhere, do the shopping, make dinner etc, etc without a single word of complaint.
If her life consists of watching TV, reality shows, then maybe she should be on one of them. That or reported to the authorities.
Just a quick question, you say she is divorced from her husband, your BF's dad.
Where is he in all this?
What does he have to say?
Can the kids not go to him?
Seriously if she is as bad as you say. Maybe your BF and his sister would be better out of there.
And yes, she should have had the common decency/good manners to pop her head round the door, say 'hi!' and then excuse herself by saying something like..'I'll leave you kids to have fun.' It's what my mother used to do with my brother and his friends and later on with me and mine and guess what, I reckon it is was most folk do too, I know I do.
I just absolutely admire what you have just said right there... Especially about the 'We' and not an "I."
I personally thought the cleaning once a week was no big deal either... It's once a week and her two kids don't help because she's never satisfied with how they clean, and she even told them not too because it wasn't clean enough. My boyfriend cooks for the whole family. He only used to cook for the family starting last year; being sick of being fed at 9pm, maturing and thinking he has to take care of his mother.
As for my boyfriend's father, after the divorce, the two never met nor even contacted. Two years after the divorce, his father passed away from cancer... They both didn't know about it until a year after... That's how distant they became with their father, which I find very unfortunate. Even if the mother had full custody of their children (Even though her own mother supports her because his mom has no job or money), I still think their father had every right to be involved with his kids... It involves two people to bring a human in this world, and those two people should have every right to be involved in their child's life. I personally don't know what relationship happened between them, neither does my boyfriend. All he tells me is that his father was fed up with his mom being so lazy all the time that it made him leave.
Even today, I feel so frustrated with her. Sure she is my boyfriend's mother and I should still be polite and all, but she doesn't have the motherly figure. My boyfriend even says that I mother him more than her... Which I don't think is right. A mother's love should only come from a mother... Not from a girlfriend (Or from what I think). She takes full responsibility for their dog but not for their children... She takes better care of the dog than her own kids...