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Old 12-15-2012, 02:22 AM   #51 (permalink)
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< soapbox > I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm getting pretty pissed off by comments regarding the tragedy that I'm seeing on Facebook.

It seems as if many have decided to take the light off the situation of what it was (a senseless tragedy) to what (or who) should be blamed because of it. Examples include: gun control, Obama, and an overall sense of godlessness in schools.

Sure, you could debate your view point on what/who to blame all day long, but, in all honesty, if I were a parent of a slain student, the LAST thing I would want my child remembered for to ANYONE is some chance to exalt a political stance.

These children and adults lost their lives. Don't make it about something it's not. < / soapbox >


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Old 12-15-2012, 03:04 AM   #52 (permalink)
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The sad thing is someone, somewhere will get mileage out of this horrible tragedy.
Was it avoidable? Sad thing is it might have been. If the killer had mental issues, he should have been receiving psychiatric care.
Could more be done to stop this and other tragedies happening again.
Oh I do hope so.
There will be homes in Newtown where presents lay hidden but will never be opened. Little beds empty of their occupants. Families left broken by 1 man whose legacy in life was not some philanthropic deed but a murderous spree.
Those that care more about Justin Bieber being cancelled are the same kind of mindless moron who thought it okay to enter an elementary school and kill so many people just because his day/life wasn't going the way he wanted.
Shame on them
Lets hope Justin calls them what they are publicly.
Sick, selfish freaks whom he doesn't want as his fans.

May Angels comfort those left behind in both USA' and China' tragedy and may they guide the victims to everlasting peace.

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Old 12-15-2012, 09:04 AM   #53 (permalink)
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Latest development: the mom was NOT a teacher at the school.
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Old 12-15-2012, 09:47 AM   #54 (permalink)
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Actually had a conversation with my 8 and 6 year olds last night about what to do if a stranger comes into their school or classroom and wants to hurt them. As we're practicing hiding under a desk I just burst into tears (totally freaked them out in the process). I can't believe I'm talking about these things with my kids!

They had heard about what happened and had many questions which prompted the combat training (good lord), but obviously don't grasp the horror really because it's beyond their limited experience at this point.

What do I say to them?
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Old 12-15-2012, 10:22 AM   #55 (permalink)
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What do I say to them?
*Sigh* I wish I knew Mine are 4 and 7, and both have autism. My daughter (4, and in junior kindergarten in the autism class) is non verbal and has no understanding of this. I feel helpless sending her to school now without being able to teach her about this at all.

My son has VERY limited understanding, and really doesn't understand at all. I feel so powerless, they wouldn't have a clue what to do, and would end up in a crying meltdown. I can't even begin to explain it, because their level of understanding just isn't "there" yet to be able to understand.

It's really tough. Hugs to you and your kids Hilary.
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Old 12-15-2012, 12:06 PM   #56 (permalink)
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Hugs back atcha, Shell. I was a home tutor for several children with autism so I know the challenges and feel for you as well. They were pretty incredible kids and I was lucky to know them.
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Old 12-15-2012, 12:19 PM   #57 (permalink)
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Sad days indeed.

My corporate employer put up an article on our internal website .... I think this article is out on the web, but about what to do were a shooter to appear at one's workplace or wherever.. Run, Hide, or Fight is the theme. Fight being the very last option and not recommended. For school age kids, Hiding is probably the first to teach them. Especially small kids - they can fit in small spaces. Sign of the times - add to the tornado drills and earthquake drills and fire drills - shooter drills. Schools are going to have to have plans and training, unfortunately. Run - where to run, exits, kids understanding to stay with the 'leader', etc etc etc
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Old 12-15-2012, 12:42 PM   #58 (permalink)
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For school age kids, Hiding is probably the first to teach them. Especially small kids - they can fit in small spaces. Sign of the times -
See, as sad as it is that this is necessary these day I still wish I could even get my kids to understand this concept. I feel sick knowing my son, my sweet little boy who trusts everyone, would probably try to talk to someone bad if they were to come into the school. With his autism, he just does not understand that some people are bad, and they can hurt you, and this is what you need to do if in that situation. I have had the discussion with him (not just now, but other times), but he just doesn't get it (or doesn't seem to, I really hope I am wrong).

My daughter...her understanding is just not there at all. She doesn't even talk yet (due to her diagnosis). She is not friendly with people she doesn't know, but has no concept of danger yet either. Even talking to her about it, and describing it she just doesn't understand.

The more I think about this, the more sick I feel. I worry about their future every day just due to their diagnosis', something like this makes me even more painfully aware of the sort of disadvantages they are faced with.

I am also not trying to make any of this about me just so people know. It's just a fear I've always had, and after all of this it is a very strong fear right now (and we do have our behavior therapist work on safety stuff with them, but as I said just not "there" developmentally at this point). I never want to let them out of my sight ever again. I am more just thinking out loud here, laying my fears and thoughts down somewhere that feels "safe". Certainly not trying to get attention or make anything about me.

Are there any new developments on this today? I haven't had a chance to watch the news much today, and every time I try to I start crying again. This is just so horrific and hard to believe
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Old 12-15-2012, 01:10 PM   #59 (permalink)
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My children grew up during the height of the IRA and their murderous bombing campaigns.

It would have been easier to ignore the risks, after all how likely is it that our family would ever be affected. Well as it happened, pretty likely, simply because we were a 'Forces Family' and considered by them as being legitimate targets.

My son can remember his birthday presents being opened prior to his getting them, why, because the IRA might have sent his Daddy a bomb through the post, hidden in his gift.

Rightly or wrongly we made a game of being aware.

My boys would look around and see if they could see anything that was out of place.
A bag left unattended.
A box or package under our car.
A car parked in a place it shouldn't be.

If they could tell us what was around them, we rewarded them, we called it, our 'look out game'.

We practiced what we would do if a parcel came to our house we weren't expecting.
First we would leave it where it was, we wouldnt open it, no matter how interesting it looked.
We would close the doors to the room in which it lay, go out of the house, to the park and telephone Daddy to tell him we had a parcel come and we didnt know what it was.
He would then come home and deal with it, alongside his friends one of whom looked like he was wearing a suit made of cushions.

We practiced duck and cover, I am sure some of your parents can remember these drills if they grew up during the 'Cuban crisis'.

We taught them about 'stranger danger'.
We taught them, 'who is that man/woman' do you know them.
Should they be there?
Tell your mum, tell your teacher, tell one of the security gaurds on the base.

There is the danger of making your children paranoid, afraid to go out, jumping at shadows, if you try to make it a game, then whilst it goes in, it doesnt become so terrifying a prospect for them.

I do not know if making it a game will help a child with Autism, but I hope so.
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Old 12-15-2012, 01:23 PM   #60 (permalink)
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I do not know if making it a game will help a child with Autism, but I hope so.
My son could possibly understand if we made a game of it, my daughter no, not yet (hopefully soon)

How you taught your kids sounds effective. I will definitely see if I can come up with a way to use a method like that with my son (and hopefully one day when here understanding is more developed, my daughter).

That sounds terrifying by the way, raising your kids through all of that. We are just never safe anywhere anymore. It's sad. Thank you though for sharing your experiences.
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Old 12-15-2012, 06:37 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Newtown, Connecticut (CNN) -- Authorities have released the names of those killed during the Connecticut school massacre. Here is a list of the victims and their ages, as provided by state police. This list includes full names of children only when parents have spoken publicly:

Charlotte, 6

Daniel, 7

Rachel Davino, 29

Olivia, 6

Josephine, 7

Ana, 6

Dylan, 6

Dawn Hocksprung, 47

Madeleine, 6

Catherine, 6

Chase, 7

Jesse, 6

James, 6

Grace, 7

Anne Marie Murphy, 52

Emilie Parker, 6

Jack, 6

Noah, 6

Caroline, 6

Jessica, 6

Avielle, 6

Lauren Russeau, 30

Mary Sherlach, 56

Victoria Soto, 27

Benjamin, 6

Allison, 6
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Old 12-15-2012, 08:25 PM   #62 (permalink)
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Actually had a conversation with my 8 and 6 year olds last night about what to do if a stranger comes into their school or classroom and wants to hurt them. As we're practicing hiding under a desk I just burst into tears (totally freaked them out in the process). I can't believe I'm talking about these things with my kids!

They had heard about what happened and had many questions which prompted the combat training (good lord), but obviously don't grasp the horror really because it's beyond their limited experience at this point.

What do I say to them?
You tell them to always, always trust that oogie feeling in their gut. You teach them to act on it, even if it turns out later to be nothing, to cause a bit of uproar or embarassment or possibly offends someone.

Being a polite, quiet victim is NOT cool.

Sign 'em up for kiddo self-defense classes. Martial arts, if you can. I'm a firm believer that muscle memory and fast reactions save the day, heaven forbid someone does decide to try to harm them. The discipline and concentration helps center kids, too.

Then you tell them life is precious, and that if you don't live it, and move freely in this world, the bad guys win. Be as safe as you can, be as brave as you can, be free.
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Old 12-16-2012, 08:43 AM   #63 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by monicaei View Post
Newtown, Connecticut (CNN) -- Authorities have released the names of those killed during the Connecticut school massacre. Here is a list of the victims and their ages, as provided by state police. This list includes full names of children only when parents have spoken publicly:

Charlotte, 6

Daniel, 7

Rachel Davino, 29

Olivia, 6

Josephine, 7

Ana, 6

Dylan, 6

Dawn Hocksprung, 47

Madeleine, 6

Catherine, 6

Chase, 7

Jesse, 6

James, 6

Grace, 7

Anne Marie Murphy, 52

Emilie Parker, 6

Jack, 6

Noah, 6

Caroline, 6

Jessica, 6

Avielle, 6

Lauren Russeau, 30

Mary Sherlach, 56

Victoria Soto, 27

Benjamin, 6

Allison, 6
My God, they look like my children.

Sweet babies I am so sorry this happened to you. Thank you to the incredible women who died trying to save you.
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Old 12-16-2012, 08:19 PM   #64 (permalink)
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Not to keep bringing up such a devastating subject but I just read this articlw and it's spot on. It's a sad read but it's something that all people, especially those pointing the finger (which i'm saying in general, not about anybody here) should read...
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Old 12-16-2012, 09:44 PM   #65 (permalink)
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I'm deeply saddened by this tragedy. It's horrible. I can't imagine how much sad the victims families are suffering, just before Christmas... It's beyond my imagination.

The same day will not come tomorrow. What we can do is hug our loved ones and appreciate to meet again when they come home.
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Old 12-16-2012, 10:37 PM   #66 (permalink)
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Not to keep bringing up such a devastating subject but I just read this articlw and it's spot on. It's a sad read but it's something that all people, especially those pointing the finger (which i'm saying in general, not about anybody here) should read...
Someone had sent this to me by email.

I hope those in charge of such things take this mother's words and thoughts to heart.

It is time to screen better, treat better, pay more attention, and focus on prevention.

How many here have read Lionel Shriver's We Need to Talk About Kevin ?
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Old 12-16-2012, 10:47 PM   #67 (permalink)
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How many here have read Lionel Shriver's We Need to Talk About Kevin ?
Saw the movie...scary stuff.
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Old 12-17-2012, 06:27 AM   #68 (permalink)
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You tell them to always, always trust that oogie feeling in their gut. You teach them to act on it, even if it turns out later to be nothing, to cause a bit of uproar or embarassment or possibly offends someone.

Being a polite, quiet victim is NOT cool.

Sign 'em up for kiddo self-defense classes. Martial arts, if you can. I'm a firm believer that muscle memory and fast reactions save the day, heaven forbid someone does decide to try to harm them. The discipline and concentration helps center kids, too.

Then you tell them life is precious, and that if you don't live it, and move freely in this world, the bad guys win. Be as safe as you can, be as brave as you can, be free.
^^^^ +1...We did pretty much what RFR wrote above with our son.
Teaching our children "life lessons or street smarts" starting before entering kinder garden...that all people/strangers are not good.

When the family walked around the neighborhood, we picked out a "Big Tree" that we named, and if a big disaster happened, and we got separated, the Big Tree was our hiding and safe meeting place.

A few years later, Ben Johnston was stripped of his Olympic Gold record for the fastest man (100 yard dash)...when the shame aired on TV, we let our 6 year old son watch, what illegal drugs do...and see and feel the embarrassment on his family and entire Canadian country.
- I remember some of the office ladies thought we were wrong to expose a young mind to bad reality, I was kind of surprised by the reaction of some (parenting with rose colored glasses)

In grade2 our son started getting bullied on school recess.
I thought this was strange, as our boy was big for his age...turns out the bully was in grade4 and had failed a grade or two.
- so off to Karate we went, and in 3 years our son was a skillful brown belt...he also doubled up on all his classes while assisted the head black belt teach the junior class...he learned dedication and confidence
- soon he wasn't school yard bullied any longer...and the two other times confronted (in later years) only lasted a few minutes for the other grade7 and grade11 kid
Most of all, we prepared our young son for the truth in life (good or bad) and that his Mom & Dad always had his back and loved him...the equalizer.
- my heart goes out to the pain so many families (young and old) are feeling now, in Newtown, Conn
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Old 12-17-2012, 06:48 AM   #69 (permalink)
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Today I go back to my part time job tutoring 1st graders in reading at a local elementary school..... I will look at each of their sweet faces and see 20 others faces that were the very same age. I don't know how I will do it without crying for those children.
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Old 12-17-2012, 08:03 AM   #70 (permalink)
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I wrote my 6 year old's teacher a letter and sent it in her backpack today. I just poured my heart out and told her they - teachers/faculty - don't hear often enough how incredibly important and special they are. How I've taken this tragedy so personally and feel I have to thank her for being so much to my daughter. Not only is she asked to educate and nurture and guide, but perhaps one day she'll be asked to protect. And I cannot thank her enough for just knowing she would do anything to protect my child if called upon.

I think while we are all hugging our kids a little tighter right now, we should hug a teacher too.
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Old 12-17-2012, 08:05 AM   #71 (permalink)
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Quote:
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Today I go back to my part time job tutoring 1st graders in reading at a local elementary school..... I will look at each of their sweet faces and see 20 others faces that were the very same age. I don't know how I will do it without crying for those children.
(((HUGS))) to you and thank you.
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Old 12-17-2012, 09:15 AM   #72 (permalink)
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Not to keep bringing up such a devastating subject but I just read this articlw and it's spot on. It's a sad read but it's something that all people, especially those pointing the finger (which i'm saying in general, not about anybody here) should read...
a point I made in one of my posts - mental illness. There are simply bad apples being produced, then coddled. Little incubators of evil.

And this new lifestyle of young ambitionless males that hang around and play violent video games for hours/days on end. And the parents that support that lifestyle. What is the old saying - an idle mind is the devil's workshop.
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Old 12-17-2012, 01:50 PM   #73 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Fitzmar Dobermans View Post
Today I go back to my part time job tutoring 1st graders in reading at a local elementary school..... I will look at each of their sweet faces and see 20 others faces that were the very same age. I don't know how I will do it without crying for those children.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hilary View Post
I wrote my 6 year old's teacher a letter and sent it in her backpack today. I just poured my heart out and told her they - teachers/faculty - don't hear often enough how incredibly important and special they are. How I've taken this tragedy so personally and feel I have to thank her for being so much to my daughter. Not only is she asked to educate and nurture and guide, but perhaps one day she'll be asked to protect. And I cannot thank her enough for just knowing she would do anything to protect my child if called upon.

I think while we are all hugging our kids a little tighter right now, we should hug a teacher too.
These two posts made me cry again.

Seeing photos of the victims today was really hard. I kept looking into their eyes and seeing all the light and life and promise there.

What this deranged subhuman stole from this world...we will never know the extent of this loss.
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Old 12-17-2012, 02:43 PM   #74 (permalink)
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It was somber at school today, but my 1st grade students seemed to unaware - which I was thankful for as it helped me to keep it together. The other tutors and I had a serious discussion before school as to what we would do in the event of an armed attack - the school has a plan and it is practiced... but we are part time and don't really have a plan. As of today, we have a key to our room and a strong slide lock on the inside of the very small bathroom in our interior room. The school dates back to the 1950's and was built solid - the door to the bathroom is probably almost 2" of solid wood and the walls are concrete block. It would be beyond a tight fit for 4 adult women and 4 students.... but we would make it work.

That we even have to have this plan in place is beyond unreal! I looked at our principle today and knew without a shadow of a doubt that she would have done the same thing as the principle who died. Our school already is very secure and it takes two buzzers to get into the school.... but a determined person could blast through. Our community is as safe as they get..... but no community is safe from a madman.
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Old 12-17-2012, 06:53 PM   #75 (permalink)
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I don't know where to start. Newtown is 1/2 hour away from where I work. An hour away from home. We get off that exit when we go to dance class twice a week. I was in shock on Friday. My daughter had a dress rehersal that night for dance class and the people we carpool with wanted her to sleep over that night. No way she was going to be anywhere else but home that night. She said the exit ramps were closed on the highway that night and thank goodness the rehersal was in Ridgefield instead. She is in 6th grade and someone in her grade had an iphone. They started to hear things thru out the day-all false...it was a high school, it was in our town. We as parents have to be ready that technogoly is it at our kids fingertips. We had a long talk that night and have continued to do so over the weekend.

She wasn't feeling well on Friday-colds are going around. I kept her home today and had mixed feelings. I wanted her to go to school to know that it was safe but then I was glad when 2 schools went into lockdown today due to a suspious person who may be armed. It is so hard to explain why to a child when we as adults don't understand why?

The funerals started today and will go thru out the week. Newtown schools will reopen tomorrow. Sandy Hook remains closed as it is an "active" crime scene. Eventually the kids who survived will go to a middle school in a neighboring town that was vacant. They are getting it ready now for them.

The acts of heroism are unreal. Today they had on the news that one of the first little girls who came out was covered in blood and survived by "playing dead". My heart goes out to all the families and to the families who survived. They have a very long road ahead of them in the healing process.

The majority of our schools in the state have locked doors during the school day. My daughter's school has "code red drills" probably every 2 months or so. It is sad that this is the day we live in. Those with children with mental illness need to stop living in denial and stop thinking that nothing is wrong with their child. It is our responsibility as parents to help our children in any way we possibly can. I hope more light is shed on the mental illness here in the US. Our governor shut down 3 out of 4 state psych hospitals close to 20 years ago to save money. Perhaps it is time to reopen them to get children and adults the help and care that they need so that they don't turn to guns to help them find an answer.
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