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Old 11-12-2012, 10:26 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy I think I've finally hit my breaking point.

I contemplated writing this on here because I didn't want to be the person who complains too much but I've hit a wall and I just needed some support. I figured why not turn to the people who give the best advice...DT.

If you all remember I lost my job back in August and it has been a slippery slope ever since and I've been struggling with a lot. I've become slightly depressed, anxiety attacks have increased, sleeping issues, very irritable and just all around miserable. I feel like I've had a string of bad luck and I'm at my breaking point. I live in one of the most expensive counties in the country and to say money is tight is an understatement, especially after Diesel's abscess scare and the flooding from Hurricane Sandy. I'm working two jobs to the point of exhaustion and it still doesn't feel like enough or that I'm ever going to catch a break.

I was raised to work hard and do what you need to survive and stuff all your feelings way down inside of you. I am doing my best but I keep failing and it's not enough. I've faced eviction because I had to use rent money to fix our apartment. My drivers side door of my car decided that it no longer wants to open. I had to put my photography business on hold which crushed me. I'm working as an assistant manager at a place where I used to be the general manager and I hate that (I'm almost 23 and the GM is 19 ) I've had to buy food for Diesel over food for myself. Diesel's 1st birthday is this coming Saturday and I can't even get him a good gift. I can't celebrate thanksgiving or help decorate for christmas with my family because I can't afford to take time off or afford what it costs in gas to see them. My SO went from working 30 hours a week to 60 to help pay the bills. My SO's birthday is also on the 23rd and I don't think I can get him a gift nor do I think I can afford christmas gifts this year. My savings account has been drained. I'm in debit with all my credit cards and the list goes on. I know it doesn't seem bad and there are people who have it much worse then me. I try to remind myself of that but it doesn't seem to make it any easier.

My heart is breaking. I never wanted to live like this or want this life for my family. We went from living the good life and being pretty well off to basically poor overnight. It's been extremely hard. I've been trying to keep it together and not let it bother me but reality is starting to set it. I'm working 12-15 hour days and busting my ass to do whatever I can to keep us a float but I feel alone doing it. None of my friends get it because they all fully have the support of their family. My family doesn't understand it but we won't get into that. Thank goodness for Diesel. He has been the light in my life. I'd be completely lost without that big ball of goofiness. He's the reason I am doing what I do.

I'm not looking for sympathy or oh my I'm so sorry. I'm just looking to vent and get it off my chest because I've held it in long enough and I'm about to lose my mind if I don't blow off some steam. I feel defeated and I'm only 23. I regret not going to college. I see all my friends who have graduated and have wonderful jobs and all I can say is "that should've been me" but it's not and I don't think it ever will be. I guess what it comes down to is I'm sad, angry and a million other feelings all at once. I listen to all my friends complain about the weather or how they spilled coffee on their shirt before work and I sit there and smile and tell them that sucks, when inside I just want to punch them and tell them to get over it.

I've always been told "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" well I'm not feeling any stronger...
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:34 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I completely understand where you're coming from! My husband and I are in a somewhat similar situation. We were doing really well and then he hurt his back. Four surgeries later, we are now tens of thousands of dollars in debt and have had to ask our parents for money at times so we could make our house payments. It is frustrating and heartbreaking and embarrassing.
Stay strong! There has got to be light at the end of the tunnel!
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:37 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I'm gonna give a suggestion one more time of moving down to Knoxville

You'd have a job waiting for you and I'm sure your SO could easily find one depending on what he wants to do
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:37 PM   #4 (permalink)
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. I listen to all my friends complain about the weather or how they spilled coffee on their shirt before work and I sit there and smile and tell them that sucks, when inside I just want to punch them and tell them to get over it.
I listen to all these young people, including my own daughters, complain about working hard and long, and having to give something up, or not be able to give gifts or come home for Christmas, I tell them to make some small goals, and see you next year, when really I just want to punch them and tell them to get over it................

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Old 11-12-2012, 10:38 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I completely understand where you're coming from! My husband and I are in a somewhat similar situation. We were doing really well and then he hurt his back. Four surgeries later, we are now tens of thousands of dollars in debt and have had to ask our parents for money at times so we could make our house payments. It is frustrating and heartbreaking and embarrassing.
Stay strong! There has got to be light at the end of the tunnel!
Thank you. I try very, very hard to believe that it just gets discouraging sometimes and I'm sure you understand that. I hope things get better for you as well.

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I'm gonna give a suggestion one more time of moving down to Knoxville

You'd have a job waiting for you and I'm sure your SO could easily find one depending on what he wants to do
Can I tell you I actually brought up moving there yesterday to a friend? I don't know if the SO would go for it.
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:41 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Thank you. I try very, very hard to believe that it just gets discouraging sometimes and I'm sure you understand that. I hope things get better for you as well.



Can I tell you I actually brought up moving there yesterday to a friend? I don't know if the SO would go for it.
Well maybe the thought of not working 60 hours would help him??? Haha, but seriously, it is a very affordable yet still nice place to live!
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:43 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Well maybe the thought of not working 60 hours would help him??? Haha, but seriously, it is a very affordable yet still nice place to live!
You left off the best part... I could be surrounded by dogs!!!
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:45 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I listen to all these young people, including my own daughters, complain about working hard and long, and having to give something up, or not be able to give gifts or come home for Christmas, I tell them to make some small goals, and see you next year, when really I just want to punch them and tell them to get over it................

I'm sure this all seems like nothing to a lot of people
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:49 PM   #9 (permalink)
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No, I know it's not nothing to you.... I was just giving a perspective. Just try to take it a day at a time, k?

Moving might just be an awesome idea!!
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:50 PM   #10 (permalink)
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No, I know it's not nothing to you.... I was just giving a perspective. Just try to take it a day at a time, k?

Moving might just be an awesome idea!!
I completely understand. For example my grandpa just had his 4th replacement surgery and I'd take my problems over having to relearn how to walk any day.

I did consider moving to NC but when we did the math we didn't have the money to terminate our lease, moving expenses and a down payment on a new place.
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:52 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Hang in there. It might all seem hopeless at the moment. But it will get better. Plan in small steps, break it down into manageable goals. I know it's easier said than done but once you break it all down it might not feel so overwhelming and you might be able to formulate a game plan and give you more of a feeling of being in control.
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Old 11-12-2012, 10:55 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Hang in there. It might all seem hopeless at the moment. But it will get better. Plan in small steps, break it down into manageable goals. I know it's easier said than done but once you break it all down it might not feel so overwhelming and you might be able to formulate a game plan and give you more of a feeling of being in control.
Thank you. I have been trying to do that but then I get frustrated. The biggest problem is we are a month behind everything and that makes things difficult.
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Old 11-12-2012, 11:10 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I know it doesn't seem bad and there are people who have it much worse then me.
I find that I dislike this quote because it is almost like saying: "There are a lot of people that are much happier than me, so I shouldn't be this happy!" You can feel free to vent, because without it, you can't really move on!

I wish you and Diesel the best! It will get better, someday! Hopefully you will look back on this, and think to yourself: "Wow, I really pushed through that hard time, and I am proud of myself!!"

Sorry, I don't have the best advice, because me and Brandy are spoiled little kids (), but I hope you find a good solution! I am sticking on this thread to see how it goes!!

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Old 11-12-2012, 11:11 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I completely understand. For example my grandpa just had his 4th replacement surgery and I'd take my problems over having to relearn how to walk any day.

I did consider moving to NC but when we did the math we didn't have the money to terminate our lease, moving expenses and a down payment on a new place.
I don't think it is really about that kind of thing, we expect that at old age!

My youngest has taken on a second job, trying to just survive and make the payments. She NEEDS a SO. I have so far prevented her from getting a dog, lol.
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Old 11-12-2012, 11:11 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Hang in there! If I can, you can! Believe me, I want to scream at the world because of the situation I'm currently in too.
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Old 11-12-2012, 11:17 PM   #16 (permalink)
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I find that I dislike this quote because it is almost like saying: "There are a lot of people that are much happier than me, so I shouldn't be this happy!" You can feel free to vent, because without it, you can't really move on!

I wish you and Diesel the best! It will get better, someday! Hopefully you will look back on this, and think to yourself: "Wow, I really pushed through that hard time, and I am proud of myself!!"

Sorry, I don't have the best advice, because me and Brandy are spoiled little kids (), but I hope you find a good solution! I am sticking on this thread to see how it goes!!

I can see how that makes sense haha I don't I feel like being homeless is pretty bad compared to this but that's just me.

Thank you and soak up all of that I'll get through it. I always do. This time has just been a lot at once.

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I don't think it is really about that kind of thing, we expect that at old age!

My youngest has taken on a second job, trying to just survive and make the payments. She NEEDS a SO. I have so far prevented her from getting a dog, lol.
hahaha. I got Diesel when I had a steady, well paying job that I thought I'd have for a while so yea have her hold off on that as long as you can because that makes it so much harder. I'd sell everything for Diesel though but if I was in this position last year, I wouldn't have him.\

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Hang in there! If I can, you can! Believe me, I want to scream at the world because of the situation I'm currently in too.
Thank you You have actually been a big motivator even if you don't know it. I say we just have a screaming party. I might feel better after that haha
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Old 11-12-2012, 11:45 PM   #17 (permalink)
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You now i'm always a text/call/skype away

I'm in a somewhat similar boat with my hours cut, it's one day at a time and a lot of dober loving.

Take deep breaths and don't forget to still do things that make you happy, it's a lot harder to motivate yourself and move forward if there's no happiness in your life, no hopeful light at the end of the tunnel.

Hugs and dober kisses from mabel and me
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Old 11-13-2012, 12:07 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Why dont u use ur awesome photography skills and use that to make up a prsent for the so.
I understand time maybe the problem mind.. But something like that shows just as much as buying a new gift..
That way u have had abit of downtime with your photogrphy that u miss and have his prsent sorted.

Not that that is priority on your list of worries.. But i understand what your going thru.
My work have changed my hours from 42 to 15! Australia too is a bloody expensive place to live too, u seem to work just to pay rent. Sucks.
Im currently doing abit of this and that in my own time as im a hairdresser and beautician.. To earn some money..

I do hope everything works out for you. I wish thre was something to help you!

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Old 11-13-2012, 12:48 AM   #19 (permalink)
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kwhite30, may I suggest you another work? I've seen a potential in you.

Your English is very clear and understandable. I like your writing style. Trust me because I worked at the English conversation school for some years (as a sale rep and office manager) and handled many resumes. Not all native speakers with degrees can be a good teacher. Actually I didn't hire a guy with Ph.D but high school diploma, who became the popular instructor eventually.
I'm not saying that you should come to Japan(lol) because I know you want to live with Diesel and that's fine. Nowadays many online language teaching services are offered: Via skype (for conversation) or writing. If you intend to work odd hours(due to time differences) from your home, I suggest you to include this type of work on your list.
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Old 11-13-2012, 01:30 AM   #20 (permalink)
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all I can say is "that should've been me" but it's not and I don't think it ever will be

You said you are 23. Give it some time. When you are 50, some of what you are learning about yourself now will be useful & will be (in the end) life changing. I busted my butt getting along in my 20s, and so did my dh & a bunch of our friends. Experiencing a crappy year (or more, or less) is part of growing up to be a responsible contributing adult for a lot of people.

It's good to vent & it's okay to have periods of disappointment - but you are (generally) sucking it up & dealing with life. Don't forget to pat yourself on the back when you do get through your day or when you have a good day, and sometimes take a little 'me' or 'us' time.
Kate
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Old 11-13-2012, 10:10 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Keep your chin up.

If I were you, I would downsize before things get even more ugly. Maybe have a yard sale to get rid of any unwanted clutter.
I'd move somewhere more affordable and focus on getting rid of your credit card debt. Credit cards can ruin people if not used correctly, and I do understand that sometimes you have no choice but to use it.

Your dog will live without a birthday gift, as will your family without christmas gifts. It's a shitty feeling, I know. But it's better for you than going even further in debt. You could always create a gift as well.

Saying that you will not succeed through College is not the right attitude. Have you tried? If you understand what it will take to be where you want to be...you have to suck it up and do it. basically.

All of these things you're feeling is from your depression and it's a tough thing to battle. I know because I've battled depression myself.
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Old 11-13-2012, 10:26 AM   #22 (permalink)
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I have no advice but just wanted to send you a cyber hug.
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Old 11-13-2012, 10:30 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Life doesn't always go to plan.

Take my hubby's plans. Work till 55, retire, work the farm beside me, travel around Europe a bit then settle down to grow old disgracefully. Bang, lifes plans went up in smoke when a rocket exploded in the room next to him and he inhaled toxic gases resulting in brain damage, severe lung damage to name 2 of his problems. Life was suddenly turned upside down, inside out, what little savings we had to our name disappeared along with 99% of our friends. Yeah I know it isn't much fun visiting with someone who is suffering from severe clinical depression, PTSD, health issues, but hey, you miserable sons of you know whats, at such times like these he really needs his friends. Granted he isn't as bad off as some and fact is he still has us, his immediate family, our sons, yours truly, but friends are important too. Unfortunately it is easier to make excuses and leave him behind as they go on with having fun because nowadays hubby isn't the life and soul of the party as he once was. Instead he is quiet, withdrawn, unsure, no longer do they visit us, invite us to barbecues, to go out.
Money is mega tight. We struggle to make ends meet, once we were very, very comfortable, now, the old song, 'money's too tight too mention' jumps into my head and won't budge no matter what I do.
But you know what. I say 'SOD IT!' as long as I can bitch and rant everynow and again, come onto this forum, chat to folk who whilst thousands of miles away have more compassion than folk just the other side of the valley I know lifes dark clouds sometimes do have silver linings.

So girlfriend, rant away, shout, scream, punch the sofa, (not the dog, LOL) and let it out.

My advice, stop, take stock of what is important, work out where you want to be in 6 months, 12 months, 3 years, 5 years time and look at what it is you have to do get there.

I do not know where it is you live, one end of America is much the same to me as the other and I freely admit I know nothing about the economic situation you guys are going through. But from what you have said it sounds like you need to find somewhere a tad more affordable to live so that you can start down that road that leads to where you want to be in x amount of time. If your skills are transferrable to another region and SO's are too then I would seriously look into getting the hell out of 'Dodge' first and foremost and then see where things take you.

As for not being able to afford pressies, the folk that matter will understand, if you can, why not make something, I used to make toffee, chocie truffles etc for friends and family so I had something to give them. As for those folk (like my MIL used too) who would turn their nose up at your thoughtfulness, they truly are not worth bothering with.

In the meantime you have got friends on this site who really do understand. You are not alone.
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Old 11-13-2012, 10:51 AM   #24 (permalink)
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I second all the comments above.

Alot of people round here are struggling, we have struggled and will do again I don't doubt, it sucks big time, the whole economic system is wrong no-one should have to struggle while a choice few bask in luxury. That's another topic entirely.

Forge ahead, it's all you can do and if it's really bad it can only get better.
Good luck!
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Old 11-13-2012, 10:56 AM   #25 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry you are going through this! Good jobs are hard to find. I wish I had a better job....2 degrees and I'm still doing manual labor....and I am happy to have the work!

Now for the tough love part......
I understand things are tight and again I'm sorry but if this is the worst thing you go through in your life....you will be very lucky! You have no clue how bad things can get before you hit your "breaking point." Thank god I have no clue how bad that can be! Take a deep breath......just work through it or move to a more reasonable priced area where you can find a job! Finish college.....but get a degree in something useful! I can not express this enough! Get a degree in something you can get a job in!

Again good luck!
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