I think I've finally hit my breaking point. - Page 2 - Doberman Forum : Doberman Breed Dog Forums

General Off Topic Chat This forum is to be used to post about Non Doberman topics. Do you want to post about your spouse, car, job? Test your signature? Post here

DobermanTalk.com is the premier Doberman Dog Forum on the internet. Registered Users do not see the above ads.
Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-13-2012, 10:53 AM   #26 (permalink)
we all have our remoras..
 
lolonurse's Avatar
 
Posts: 9,535
Location: Dog Canyon
Dogs Name: Annie, Odie & Reyna; RIP beloved Alex & Melody, Rocky baby, & now our dear, darling Willie
Titles: Annie - hellion & sorceress; Odie - golden boy; Reyna - fruit bat
Dogs Age: b 7/10/09; b 1/13/13; b 3/13/14
Gallery Pics: 66
Visit lolonurse's Gallery
Thanks: 25,858
Thanked 21,838 Times in 6,503 Posts
Images: 66
lolonurse has a reputation beyond reputelolonurse has a reputation beyond reputelolonurse has a reputation beyond reputelolonurse has a reputation beyond reputelolonurse has a reputation beyond reputelolonurse has a reputation beyond reputelolonurse has a reputation beyond reputelolonurse has a reputation beyond reputelolonurse has a reputation beyond reputelolonurse has a reputation beyond reputelolonurse has a reputation beyond repute
Click here to find out how lolonurse became a supporter
Hi - I worked all my life, including during college, and after I was injured at work and permanently disabled, we bought what was supposed to be a thriving business - and then the economy tanked. We had to close the business and declare bankruptcy. We had to walk away from our big, beautiful house and move somewhere where we know not a single person, and where we have no interest in being, in a tiny house - but we made that choice because it gives us the best option to put the pieces back together on our own terms.

Please don't worry about small, meaningless things like gifts - people who love you won't give a hoot whether you give them presents - they'll want you to thrive and learn and succeed. Heartfelt homemade cards, or one of your photographs with something personal written on it should make everyone who cares very happy.

Sometimes, if you are a renter, landlords can be convinced to terminate a lease early rather than face the possibility that their tenant might fall into a spiral of inability to pay rent. Try to stop using credit cards - eat beans and rice for a few months - very cheap, very healthy. It sounds like you are trying very hard to pull yourself out of this mass - as are many people. There's nothing wrong with venting - it can help to have a support system. There are reputable financial counseling services that can sometimes help people put their situations into perspective and get back on track...

Anyway, we all wish you success and resolution. My son is living much the same situation, except no SO, and we always bailed him out, but can't anymore. Fortunately, he has figured out that his best option for not having to deliver pizza is to return to school for his master's degree. It's a jungle out there.
__________________

their pawprints in our hearts never fade
lolonurse is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: May 2008
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to lolonurse For This Useful Post:
Cathy43 (11-14-2012), dobedream (11-13-2012), KissNme (11-15-2012), kwhite30 (11-13-2012), Okie-dobie (11-18-2012), pdubois64 (12-11-2012), Sherryh (11-15-2012), Toby'shuman (11-13-2012), wantsaDobe (11-14-2012), ZeldaRules (11-13-2012)
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 11-13-2012, 11:04 AM   #27 (permalink)
Alpha schmalpha
 
alan j.'s Avatar
 
Posts: 1,150
Location: Florida

Gallery Pics: 1
Visit alan j.'s Gallery
Thanks: 2,029
Thanked 1,802 Times in 768 Posts
Images: 1
alan j. has a reputation beyond reputealan j. has a reputation beyond reputealan j. has a reputation beyond reputealan j. has a reputation beyond reputealan j. has a reputation beyond reputealan j. has a reputation beyond reputealan j. has a reputation beyond reputealan j. has a reputation beyond reputealan j. has a reputation beyond reputealan j. has a reputation beyond reputealan j. has a reputation beyond repute
you sound aware of your situation and i think you know the big decisions that are in front of you. It takes courage to post a snapshot of your current state and you mentioned the hard work was bred into you by your family. These are characteristics that many will covet.
I do not think anyone really knows the answers to maneuver in this current economic climate but we will all most likely share its misery.... i think Toby says it best!
alan j. is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Aug 2012
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to alan j. For This Useful Post:
KissNme (11-15-2012), kwhite30 (11-13-2012), Toby'shuman (11-13-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 11:11 AM   #28 (permalink)
Alpha
 
dobermansrule's Avatar
 
Posts: 14,268
Location: +45.5140 -122.9455
Dogs Name: quincy
Dogs Age: 10/8/2006
Gallery Pics: 0
Visit dobermansrule's Gallery
Thanks: 9,287
Thanked 29,749 Times in 9,606 Posts
dobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond repute
not to make light of your situation - you live in Virginia - my guess is your county is so expensive, thanks to influx of government employment - high paying government and government related contracting jobs. If that's so, how ironic.

But back to you.

Relocate. I can't recommend this highly enough. I did it at your age. You learn a lot by moving. The planning. The adventure. The independence. Find a lower cost area to move to with better job opportunities.

Education. Not sure what you're educational background is. Protect your future earning potential by getting a college degree. That costs money, so the cycle continues.

Housing. Get roommate(s). It sucks. I had roommates. makes you strive for home ownership all the more .

you need to control your expenses and get income. You are not even treading water in that high cost area.

you have the willingness to work.
dobermansrule is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Feb 2008
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to dobermansrule For This Useful Post:
alan j. (11-13-2012), Chelse (11-13-2012), dobedream (11-13-2012), GRAYGHOST (11-15-2012), kwhite30 (11-13-2012), spocksdad (11-13-2012), Toby'shuman (11-13-2012), ZeldaRules (11-13-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 11:31 AM   #29 (permalink)
Alpha
 
hjgrl's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,476
Location: Alabama
Dogs Name: Luci & Barrett
Dogs Age: 4/24/07 & 2/1/14
Gallery Pics: 6
Visit hjgrl's Gallery
Thanks: 20,494
Thanked 3,555 Times in 1,693 Posts
Images: 6
hjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond repute
I feel for you. My situation right now is much the same. I work 40 hours a week in a low pay job, litigation paralegal, that I have a degree in the field. They don't allow overtime and I actually HATE my job and my employers aren't much better. So, I decided I needed a change and worked and studied and actually got accepted into the RN program at a college near me. Amazing right? Hardest program to get into and I got in. But here's the sucker punch....... I haven't been approved for financial aid b/c get this, I already have a degree. So my hopes for improving my life are slowly going out the window. Add that to the fact that I can't work my full time job and be in that program full time. It isn't possible.

Now some would say well you have a husband, he can carry you and take care of things until you get out and get a job as an RN. Well theoretically that's true but here's the reality, my husband has been out of work for months...... MONTHS and can't find a job, especially not one that would pay our bills. My job barely supports us.

We are struggling. I am struggling going to work everyday to have nothing to show for it and I don't feel like my dh is trying at all hard enough to find a job. He plays xbox, he hunts, he hangs out with his friends. Meanwhile I come home to a dirty house, laundry and a sink full of dishes from where I've cooked the night before.

My savings account is Empty. My checking account is always overdrawn and my credit card is over limit, just from paying our bills, in addition to paying for the necessary things needed to care for my disabled stepson. That's right, my dh has a son, who is disabled, whom he can't even buy food for, for when we have him at our house, so I'm financially responsible myself, my dh, his son, and our two dogs.

To say I'm becoming very unhappy and resentful is an understatement. Its been almost 2 years of this and I'm fastly approaching my breaking point.

Before all of this, I was 24, had my own house, a car, my dobe, my horse, I competed, took riding lessons, was able to go out, have fun, buy shoes, etc..... Now, I'm lucky if I can buy gas to get me to and from my job and to say that I'm angry and ready to scream is an understatement of mamouth proportions.

So, rant away Kate and don't feel bad for it, I feel your pain.
__________________
Dragon Slaying Dobermans Incorporated Member #78
hjgrl is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Oct 2009
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to hjgrl For This Useful Post:
dobedream (11-13-2012), KissNme (11-15-2012), kwhite30 (11-13-2012), lolonurse (11-15-2012), Toby'shuman (11-13-2012), wantsaDobe (11-14-2012), ZeldaRules (11-13-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 11:36 AM   #30 (permalink)
Alpha
 
dobermansrule's Avatar
 
Posts: 14,268
Location: +45.5140 -122.9455
Dogs Name: quincy
Dogs Age: 10/8/2006
Gallery Pics: 0
Visit dobermansrule's Gallery
Thanks: 9,287
Thanked 29,749 Times in 9,606 Posts
dobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond repute
Quote:
Originally Posted by hjgrl View Post
I feel for you. My situation right now is much the same. I work 40 hours a week in a low pay job, litigation paralegal, that I have a degree in the field. They don't allow overtime and I actually HATE my job and my employers aren't much better. So, I decided I needed a change and worked and studied and actually got accepted into the RN program at a college near me. Amazing right? Hardest program to get into and I got in. But here's the sucker punch....... I haven't been approved for financial aid b/c get this, I already have a degree. So my hopes for improving my life are slowly going out the window. Add that to the fact that I can't work my full time job and be in that program full time. It isn't possible.

Now some would say well you have a husband, he can carry you and take care of things until you get out and get a job as an RN. Well theoretically that's true but here's the reality, my husband has been out of work for months...... MONTHS and can't find a job, especially not one that would pay our bills. My job barely supports us.

We are struggling. I am struggling going to work everyday to have nothing to show for it and I don't feel like my dh is trying at all hard enough to find a job. He plays xbox, he hunts, he hangs out with his friends. Meanwhile I come home to a dirty house, laundry and a sink full of dishes from where I've cooked the night before.

My savings account is Empty. My checking account is always overdrawn and my credit card is over limit, just from paying our bills, in addition to paying for the necessary things needed to care for my disabled stepson. That's right, my dh has a son, who is disabled, whom he can't even buy food for, for when we have him at our house, so I'm financially responsible myself, my dh, his son, and our two dogs.

To say I'm becoming very unhappy and resentful is an understatement. Its been almost 2 years of this and I'm fastly approaching my breaking point.

Before all of this, I was 24, had my own house, a car, my dobe, my horse, I competed, took riding lessons, was able to go out, have fun, buy shoes, etc..... Now, I'm lucky if I can buy gas to get me to and from my job and to say that I'm angry and ready to scream is an understatement of mamouth proportions.

So, rant away Kate and don't feel bad for it, I feel your pain.
gaaaaaaa!!!! you ladies!! why do you put up with the deadbeats? I'm a guy, married, husband... when I read things like "I don't feel like my dh is trying at all hard enough to find a job. He plays xbox, he hunts, he hangs out with his friends." I want to slap somebody.. Him. you for putting up with that.

sorry, my little mini-rant. not meaning to hijack the topic.
dobermansrule is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Feb 2008
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to dobermansrule For This Useful Post:
Cathy43 (11-14-2012), eighmie (11-13-2012), GRAYGHOST (11-15-2012), hjgrl (11-13-2012), KissNme (11-15-2012), kwhite30 (11-13-2012), lolonurse (11-15-2012), Toby'shuman (11-13-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 11:46 AM   #31 (permalink)
Alpha
 
monicaei's Avatar
 
Posts: 4,230

Gallery Pics: 0
Visit monicaei's Gallery
Thanks: 5,320
Thanked 9,083 Times in 2,896 Posts
monicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond repute
Wow. I didn't have any advice for Kate, but I have some for you...

Sell the XBox and the guns. Maybe keep one if his hunting actually provides food, but if he has LOTS like most hunters...

You shouldn't have to put up with that. Maybe if he had less stuff to play with...


Quote:
Originally Posted by hjgrl View Post
I feel for you. My situation right now is much the same. I work 40 hours a week in a low pay job, litigation paralegal, that I have a degree in the field. They don't allow overtime and I actually HATE my job and my employers aren't much better. So, I decided I needed a change and worked and studied and actually got accepted into the RN program at a college near me. Amazing right? Hardest program to get into and I got in. But here's the sucker punch....... I haven't been approved for financial aid b/c get this, I already have a degree. So my hopes for improving my life are slowly going out the window. Add that to the fact that I can't work my full time job and be in that program full time. It isn't possible.

Now some would say well you have a husband, he can carry you and take care of things until you get out and get a job as an RN. Well theoretically that's true but here's the reality, my husband has been out of work for months...... MONTHS and can't find a job, especially not one that would pay our bills. My job barely supports us.

We are struggling. I am struggling going to work everyday to have nothing to show for it and I don't feel like my dh is trying at all hard enough to find a job. He plays xbox, he hunts, he hangs out with his friends. Meanwhile I come home to a dirty house, laundry and a sink full of dishes from where I've cooked the night before.

My savings account is Empty. My checking account is always overdrawn and my credit card is over limit, just from paying our bills, in addition to paying for the necessary things needed to care for my disabled stepson. That's right, my dh has a son, who is disabled, whom he can't even buy food for, for when we have him at our house, so I'm financially responsible myself, my dh, his son, and our two dogs.

To say I'm becoming very unhappy and resentful is an understatement. Its been almost 2 years of this and I'm fastly approaching my breaking point.

Before all of this, I was 24, had my own house, a car, my dobe, my horse, I competed, took riding lessons, was able to go out, have fun, buy shoes, etc..... Now, I'm lucky if I can buy gas to get me to and from my job and to say that I'm angry and ready to scream is an understatement of mamouth proportions.

So, rant away Kate and don't feel bad for it, I feel your pain.
monicaei is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Aug 2008
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to monicaei For This Useful Post:
AuraDobe (11-13-2012), dobedream (11-13-2012), hjgrl (11-13-2012), KissNme (11-15-2012), kwhite30 (11-13-2012), lolonurse (11-15-2012), Meldrew79 (11-13-2012), spocksdad (11-13-2012), thea2003 (11-19-2012), Toby'shuman (11-13-2012), wantsaDobe (11-14-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 11:55 AM   #32 (permalink)
Alpha
 
dobermansrule's Avatar
 
Posts: 14,268
Location: +45.5140 -122.9455
Dogs Name: quincy
Dogs Age: 10/8/2006
Gallery Pics: 0
Visit dobermansrule's Gallery
Thanks: 9,287
Thanked 29,749 Times in 9,606 Posts
dobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond repute
Another thought.

and yes, I'm an old fart now (relatively speaking) and have the benefit of hindsight.

1. you are still young. VERRRRRY young. You have time.
2. Go.To.College. Figure out a way to make that happen. You need to future proof yourself. The only way to survive in this economy - it just is not going to get better on its own - is to have the credentials of the people you are competing with for jobs. Unless you find the magic to distinguish yourself as a photographer and make money that way, you will need the education to command higher pay. That's the unfortunate reality. My wife didn't have that support as a young woman from her parents - basic country uneducated type of people, they didn't value a college education, i.e., her parent didn't do anything to prepare their kids for the future, no savings, no motivation, nada. Before I met her, my wife survived with various jobs. We met. She went back to school and got her degree. Didn't help her much - it was in Psychology but she did that much older than you. It can be done is my point.

2. Figure out priorities. You say SO - I'm old and old fashioned in that regard -that means live-in boyfriend or partner or whatever, right? It's good he's cranking out the hours too - sounds like you both are funneling your money to your household together and it's just not enough? Any intention to make a permanent life together? Sounds like you are influenced by him to not move. Think about that.

3. Listen to Dave Ramsey radio show. He has very good basic advise. And it's a good place to listen to people with bigger problems than you. Bigger problems are people twice your age with no savings, huge debt, etc etc etc. Time moves slowly in your twenties. Hit your thirties, time starts to speed up. Hit forty - you start having those WTH did time go moments, then hit Fifty, its' too late. You are not even 23 yet...

Ramsey crash course:

- you and SO if you are pooling resources and living together, do a monthy budget. As Ramsey says, give every dollar a name at the start of the month. Meaning every dollar you both bring in has pre-planned purpose. If it's not in the budget you both agree on, it doesn't get spent.
- Priority food, lights, rent
- as Ramsey says, eat rice and beans, beans and rice. Neither of you should know what the inside of restaurant looks like unless you are working in it.
- neither of you should have car payments.
- sell stuff
- don't go deeply into debt to get a degree. Use local community college, work while study, available scholarships, assistance-ships, etc. In state college/university much cheaper for resident than going out of state.
- downsize apartment to reduce rent? maybe you are at bare bones now, don't know.
- get roommate to help defray expenses.


anyway. If I sound preachy, sorry. By the time I was 28 - living single, on my own - I was 20,000 in debt in 1988 dollars. I worked really hard to get that much debt bought lots of stuff to keep up with my friends, trips to Cancun, drinking, buying stuff.. just basically living large, beyond my means. Wife bailed my ass out and we've been on a financial plan ever since, starting with a budget.

So, don't assume things will just get better. Take control. You and SO sit down and do a budget. And stick to it. Make a life plan. Don't let the present challenges drown you.

Last edited by dobermansrule; 11-13-2012 at 12:11 PM..
dobermansrule is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Feb 2008
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to dobermansrule For This Useful Post:
alan j. (11-13-2012), Brianne29 (11-18-2012), Cathy43 (11-14-2012), dobegal (11-13-2012), eighmie (11-13-2012), GRAYGHOST (11-15-2012), hjgrl (11-13-2012), KissNme (11-15-2012), kwhite30 (11-13-2012), lolonurse (11-15-2012), Okie-dobie (11-18-2012), pdubois64 (12-11-2012), Sherryh (11-15-2012), Toby'shuman (11-13-2012), ZeldaRules (11-13-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 11:56 AM   #33 (permalink)
Alpha
 
hjgrl's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,476
Location: Alabama
Dogs Name: Luci & Barrett
Dogs Age: 4/24/07 & 2/1/14
Gallery Pics: 6
Visit hjgrl's Gallery
Thanks: 20,494
Thanked 3,555 Times in 1,693 Posts
Images: 6
hjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond repute
Yeah he just text me asking about buying the new black ops 2 game...... my response: If I were going to needlessly spend $60 of My money it sure as hell wouldn't be on that.

We're actually getting to a point of separating over some of this stuff. I know I won't be able to go back to school at this point unless something major happens and its really hard to deal with. But I also hate to get divorced over money and the extenuating circumstances that go with it.

ETA: He has two rifles and he does put food on the table with them. And one of the two is with his mom for her coyote issues.
__________________
Dragon Slaying Dobermans Incorporated Member #78
hjgrl is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Oct 2009
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to hjgrl For This Useful Post:
dobedream (11-13-2012), kwhite30 (11-13-2012), Toby'shuman (11-13-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 12:08 PM   #34 (permalink)
Alpha
 
monicaei's Avatar
 
Posts: 4,230

Gallery Pics: 0
Visit monicaei's Gallery
Thanks: 5,320
Thanked 9,083 Times in 2,896 Posts
monicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond repute
Quote:
Originally Posted by hjgrl View Post
Yeah he just text me asking about buying the new black ops 2 game...... my response: If I were going to needlessly spend $60 of My money it sure as hell wouldn't be on that.

We're actually getting to a point of separating over some of this stuff. I know I won't be able to go back to school at this point unless something major happens and its really hard to deal with. But I also hate to get divorced over money and the extenuating circumstances that go with it.

ETA: He has two rifles and he does put food on the table with them. And one of the two is with his mom for her coyote issues.

Seriously. Sell the XBox. Put him on an allowance. Stop doing his dishes and his laundry. If he doesn't have a job, what the heck are you doing taking up the slack?

Explain, in no uncertain terms, that you are not his mother and you are DONE with that. Stop enabling his adolescence to continue into old age.

But these are just my suggestions, certainly not to tell you what to do in your marriage.

Hugs and I hope things improve

Last edited by monicaei; 11-13-2012 at 12:13 PM..
monicaei is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Aug 2008
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to monicaei For This Useful Post:
dobedream (11-13-2012), eighmie (11-13-2012), hjgrl (11-13-2012), KissNme (11-15-2012), kwhite30 (11-13-2012), lolonurse (11-15-2012), Meldrew79 (11-14-2012), Sherryh (11-15-2012), Toby'shuman (11-13-2012), wantsaDobe (11-14-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 12:26 PM   #35 (permalink)
Alpha
 
blueberry's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,251
Location: bloomington, In
Dogs Name: Blueberry (RIP), Huckleberry, Chloe-berry
Titles: great pests
Dogs Age: 5,3
Gallery Pics: 4
Visit blueberry's Gallery
Thanks: 4,161
Thanked 2,718 Times in 818 Posts
Images: 4
blueberry has a reputation beyond reputeblueberry has a reputation beyond reputeblueberry has a reputation beyond reputeblueberry has a reputation beyond reputeblueberry has a reputation beyond reputeblueberry has a reputation beyond reputeblueberry has a reputation beyond reputeblueberry has a reputation beyond reputeblueberry has a reputation beyond reputeblueberry has a reputation beyond reputeblueberry has a reputation beyond repute
Quote:
Originally Posted by hjgrl View Post
Yeah he just text me asking about buying the new black ops 2 game...... my response: If I were going to needlessly spend $60 of My money it sure as hell wouldn't be on that.

We're actually getting to a point of separating over some of this stuff. I know I won't be able to go back to school at this point unless something major happens and its really hard to deal with. But I also hate to get divorced over money and the extenuating circumstances that go with it.

ETA: He has two rifles and he does put food on the table with them. And one of the two is with his mom for her coyote issues.
At this point it's not about a money issue....it's a respect issue! I would put his butt out!
blueberry is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Jul 2010
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to blueberry For This Useful Post:
dobedream (11-13-2012), dobermansrule (11-13-2012), hjgrl (11-13-2012), KissNme (11-15-2012), kwhite30 (11-13-2012), Toby'shuman (11-13-2012), wantsaDobe (11-14-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 01:05 PM   #36 (permalink)
Alpha
 
hjgrl's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,476
Location: Alabama
Dogs Name: Luci & Barrett
Dogs Age: 4/24/07 & 2/1/14
Gallery Pics: 6
Visit hjgrl's Gallery
Thanks: 20,494
Thanked 3,555 Times in 1,693 Posts
Images: 6
hjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond repute
yeah I've already told his mom to be prepared b/c the next time we argue and he talks about how he was better off single, or how he doesn't have to put up with my mouth, etc..... and says he should just leave, I'm handing him a suitcase and opening the door.
__________________
Dragon Slaying Dobermans Incorporated Member #78
hjgrl is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Oct 2009
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to hjgrl For This Useful Post:
dobedream (11-13-2012), KissNme (11-15-2012), lolonurse (11-15-2012), Meldrew79 (11-14-2012), Nynaeve (11-13-2012), Sherryh (11-15-2012), Toby'shuman (11-13-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 01:09 PM   #37 (permalink)
Alpha
 
kwhite30's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,142
Location: Tennessee
Dogs Name: Diesel & Rogue
Titles: Diesel- BH
Dogs Age: 11.17.11; 08.5.12
Gallery Pics: 2
Visit kwhite30's Gallery
Thanks: 5,488
Thanked 6,251 Times in 2,036 Posts
Images: 2
kwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond repute
First off I just want to say you are all extremely wonderful and I knew I'd get the best, most honest advice here and I needed that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam1491 View Post
You now i'm always a text/call/skype away

I'm in a somewhat similar boat with my hours cut, it's one day at a time and a lot of dober loving.

Take deep breaths and don't forget to still do things that make you happy, it's a lot harder to motivate yourself and move forward if there's no happiness in your life, no hopeful light at the end of the tunnel.

Hugs and dober kisses from mabel and me
I know thank you. You have plenty going on yourself which is why I haven't said much.

Diesel and I send love right back.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenn View Post
Why dont u use ur awesome photography skills and use that to make up a prsent for the so.
I understand time maybe the problem mind.. But something like that shows just as much as buying a new gift..
That way u have had abit of downtime with your photogrphy that u miss and have his prsent sorted.

Not that that is priority on your list of worries.. But i understand what your going thru.
My work have changed my hours from 42 to 15! Australia too is a bloody expensive place to live too, u seem to work just to pay rent. Sucks.
Im currently doing abit of this and that in my own time as im a hairdresser and beautician.. To earn some money..

I do hope everything works out for you. I wish thre was something to help you!

I have thought of making presents this year it just seems to be a lack of time. I know that he's mentioned how much he wants family pictures of us and Diesel so I'm looking for someone to take pictures of us since I can't haha

Thank you for the advice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elzajpn View Post
kwhite30, may I suggest you another work? I've seen a potential in you.

Your English is very clear and understandable. I like your writing style. Trust me because I worked at the English conversation school for some years (as a sale rep and office manager) and handled many resumes. Not all native speakers with degrees can be a good teacher. Actually I didn't hire a guy with Ph.D but high school diploma, who became the popular instructor eventually.
I'm not saying that you should come to Japan(lol) because I know you want to live with Diesel and that's fine. Nowadays many online language teaching services are offered: Via skype (for conversation) or writing. If you intend to work odd hours(due to time differences) from your home, I suggest you to include this type of work on your list.
Thank you I'm not sure I understand exactly what you are talking about? Is this an online thing that people do? Do you have to be certified? It doesn't sound like a bad idea. I love English. I've always excelled in it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by smudgeid View Post
all I can say is "that should've been me" but it's not and I don't think it ever will be

You said you are 23. Give it some time. When you are 50, some of what you are learning about yourself now will be useful & will be (in the end) life changing. I busted my butt getting along in my 20s, and so did my dh & a bunch of our friends. Experiencing a crappy year (or more, or less) is part of growing up to be a responsible contributing adult for a lot of people.

It's good to vent & it's okay to have periods of disappointment - but you are (generally) sucking it up & dealing with life. Don't forget to pat yourself on the back when you do get through your day or when you have a good day, and sometimes take a little 'me' or 'us' time.
Kate
I know that I'll come out a better person for this I just would've preferred it to be spaced out haha I realize that I'm the only one who can make a change and I am doing my best to not let it get the best of me because that won't get me anywhere. You make a good point though about giving myself a pat on the back when I get through the day which I forget to do and it's important to do that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave_L View Post
Keep your chin up.

If I were you, I would downsize before things get even more ugly. Maybe have a yard sale to get rid of any unwanted clutter.
I'd move somewhere more affordable and focus on getting rid of your credit card debt. Credit cards can ruin people if not used correctly, and I do understand that sometimes you have no choice but to use it.

Your dog will live without a birthday gift, as will your family without christmas gifts. It's a shitty feeling, I know. But it's better for you than going even further in debt. You could always create a gift as well.

Saying that you will not succeed through College is not the right attitude. Have you tried? If you understand what it will take to be where you want to be...you have to suck it up and do it. basically.

All of these things you're feeling is from your depression and it's a tough thing to battle. I know because I've battled depression myself.
A yard sale is a good idea. I have some stuff that we really don't need or use. Nothing expensive really but it's a start.

Credit cards suck and I wish I never had gotten one but I wanted to start establishing credit which is now down the drain. Awesome.

The whole thing with the presents is my family will get mad. That's just how they are. They'll expect some lavish gift and if I don't get that, well then I get a lecture about how I don't care about my family. Fun times.

I went to college for 2 years and failed most of it. I'll admit though it was not the right time for me. I wasn't motivated at all and didn't give a rats ass pretty much. I attempted to go back last fall and couldn't due to financial problems and not being able to get financial aid. I was crushed and I haven't tried to go back since.

I try my best not to let my depression get the best of me and some days are better then others, last night being one of the not so great days. I felt defeated and had to make some difficult decisions. I have to remember to take one day at a time and stop panicking about what will happen tomorrow.

Quote:
Originally Posted by monicaei View Post
I have no advice but just wanted to send you a cyber hug.
Thank you

Quote:
Originally Posted by Toby'shuman View Post
Life doesn't always go to plan.

Take my hubby's plans. Work till 55, retire, work the farm beside me, travel around Europe a bit then settle down to grow old disgracefully. Bang, lifes plans went up in smoke when a rocket exploded in the room next to him and he inhaled toxic gases resulting in brain damage, severe lung damage to name 2 of his problems. Life was suddenly turned upside down, inside out, what little savings we had to our name disappeared along with 99% of our friends. Yeah I know it isn't much fun visiting with someone who is suffering from severe clinical depression, PTSD, health issues, but hey, you miserable sons of you know whats, at such times like these he really needs his friends. Granted he isn't as bad off as some and fact is he still has us, his immediate family, our sons, yours truly, but friends are important too. Unfortunately it is easier to make excuses and leave him behind as they go on with having fun because nowadays hubby isn't the life and soul of the party as he once was. Instead he is quiet, withdrawn, unsure, no longer do they visit us, invite us to barbecues, to go out.
Money is mega tight. We struggle to make ends meet, once we were very, very comfortable, now, the old song, 'money's too tight too mention' jumps into my head and won't budge no matter what I do.
But you know what. I say 'SOD IT!' as long as I can bitch and rant everynow and again, come onto this forum, chat to folk who whilst thousands of miles away have more compassion than folk just the other side of the valley I know lifes dark clouds sometimes do have silver linings.

So girlfriend, rant away, shout, scream, punch the sofa, (not the dog, LOL) and let it out.

My advice, stop, take stock of what is important, work out where you want to be in 6 months, 12 months, 3 years, 5 years time and look at what it is you have to do get there.

I do not know where it is you live, one end of America is much the same to me as the other and I freely admit I know nothing about the economic situation you guys are going through. But from what you have said it sounds like you need to find somewhere a tad more affordable to live so that you can start down that road that leads to where you want to be in x amount of time. If your skills are transferrable to another region and SO's are too then I would seriously look into getting the hell out of 'Dodge' first and foremost and then see where things take you.

As for not being able to afford pressies, the folk that matter will understand, if you can, why not make something, I used to make toffee, chocie truffles etc for friends and family so I had something to give them. As for those folk (like my MIL used too) who would turn their nose up at your thoughtfulness, they truly are not worth bothering with.

In the meantime you have got friends on this site who really do understand. You are not alone.
oh Toby you always have some of the best advice.

I'm sorry about your husband I think I knew part of that and all I can say is you're an amazing person for having gone through all of that. I have lost a lot of my friends as well because I can no longer afford to go out all the time or buy nice things and where I live, if you're not rich, then you don't exist to most people. People are very stuck up around here living in their huge mansion's with their 10 cars that they never drive. It's ridiculous.

We had attempted to move to NC a few months ago and it just turned out to be too expensive. I had looked at apartments, talked to our landlord, looked for jobs, the whole nine yards. Then I sat down and did the math and we needed more money then we pay in rent now to move. I'm still torn about whether that was the right choice or not because it's much cheaper to live down there.

I explained the whole presents thing a few comment sup but I'll say it again. My family life is different and if there's no presents then no one is happy. Except for my grandparents. Just seeing me is enough for them I know that my mom had mentioned wanting to frame some of the pictures I took for her house so maybe she'll accept that as a gift. I guess we'll find out!

Thank you for your great advice. I really appreciate it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt Vandart View Post
I second all the comments above.

Alot of people round here are struggling, we have struggled and will do again I don't doubt, it sucks big time, the whole economic system is wrong no-one should have to struggle while a choice few bask in luxury. That's another topic entirely.

Forge ahead, it's all you can do and if it's really bad it can only get better.
Good luck!
Thank you There's got to be a light at the end of the tunnel somewhere right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by blueberry View Post
I'm so sorry you are going through this! Good jobs are hard to find. I wish I had a better job....2 degrees and I'm still doing manual labor....and I am happy to have the work!

Now for the tough love part......
I understand things are tight and again I'm sorry but if this is the worst thing you go through in your life....you will be very lucky! You have no clue how bad things can get before you hit your "breaking point." Thank god I have no clue how bad that can be! Take a deep breath......just work through it or move to a more reasonable priced area where you can find a job! Finish college.....but get a degree in something useful! I can not express this enough! Get a degree in something you can get a job in!

Again good luck!
I completely agree that if this is the worst it gets for me then I am truly lucky. I constantly remind myself of that. What gets me is the lack of support and not even that more of the lack of being able to talk to someone and get it off my chest. At the end of the day that's all I really need. I learned from a very young age to not expect anyone to back you up or be there at the end of the day but sometimes I need just one person to listen. It just happens to be that people who live thousands of miles away from me are the best listeners

Thank you!
__________________
kwhite30 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Jan 2012
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to kwhite30 For This Useful Post:
dobedream (11-13-2012), KissNme (11-15-2012), Nynaeve (11-14-2012), Sherryh (11-15-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 01:26 PM   #38 (permalink)
Alpha
 
kwhite30's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,142
Location: Tennessee
Dogs Name: Diesel & Rogue
Titles: Diesel- BH
Dogs Age: 11.17.11; 08.5.12
Gallery Pics: 2
Visit kwhite30's Gallery
Thanks: 5,488
Thanked 6,251 Times in 2,036 Posts
Images: 2
kwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond repute
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolonurse View Post
Hi - I worked all my life, including during college, and after I was injured at work and permanently disabled, we bought what was supposed to be a thriving business - and then the economy tanked. We had to close the business and declare bankruptcy. We had to walk away from our big, beautiful house and move somewhere where we know not a single person, and where we have no interest in being, in a tiny house - but we made that choice because it gives us the best option to put the pieces back together on our own terms.

Please don't worry about small, meaningless things like gifts - people who love you won't give a hoot whether you give them presents - they'll want you to thrive and learn and succeed. Heartfelt homemade cards, or one of your photographs with something personal written on it should make everyone who cares very happy.

Sometimes, if you are a renter, landlords can be convinced to terminate a lease early rather than face the possibility that their tenant might fall into a spiral of inability to pay rent. Try to stop using credit cards - eat beans and rice for a few months - very cheap, very healthy. It sounds like you are trying very hard to pull yourself out of this mass - as are many people. There's nothing wrong with venting - it can help to have a support system. There are reputable financial counseling services that can sometimes help people put their situations into perspective and get back on track...

Anyway, we all wish you success and resolution. My son is living much the same situation, except no SO, and we always bailed him out, but can't anymore. Fortunately, he has figured out that his best option for not having to deliver pizza is to return to school for his master's degree. It's a jungle out there.
Thank you for sharing your story with me. I'm sorry all that happened. I have come to the realization that this beautiful home that we live in now just isn't meant for us at this time. One day we can have something nice again but reality has set in that right now we need to take what we can get (afford) and rebuild our life.

My landlord wants $500 to terminate our lease but that's ONLY if I move to another Camden apartment. Now if I terminate just because I can't afford rent they want $6,000. They aren't very easy people to work with here. I do need to find someone to talk to about my finances and come up with a plan because I'm not very good at that part.

Thank you for your advice and good luck to your family as well

Quote:
Originally Posted by alan j. View Post
you sound aware of your situation and i think you know the big decisions that are in front of you. It takes courage to post a snapshot of your current state and you mentioned the hard work was bred into you by your family. These are characteristics that many will covet.
I do not think anyone really knows the answers to maneuver in this current economic climate but we will all most likely share its misery.... i think Toby says it best!
Thank you

Quote:
Originally Posted by dobermansrule View Post
not to make light of your situation - you live in Virginia - my guess is your county is so expensive, thanks to influx of government employment - high paying government and government related contracting jobs. If that's so, how ironic.

But back to you.

Relocate. I can't recommend this highly enough. I did it at your age. You learn a lot by moving. The planning. The adventure. The independence. Find a lower cost area to move to with better job opportunities.

Education. Not sure what you're educational background is. Protect your future earning potential by getting a college degree. That costs money, so the cycle continues.

Housing. Get roommate(s). It sucks. I had roommates. makes you strive for home ownership all the more .

you need to control your expenses and get income. You are not even treading water in that high cost area.

you have the willingness to work.

You hit the nail on the head about where I live. It's crawling with federal employees. I had tried to get a government job but there wasn't much out there for me without a degree.

Moving hasn't been taken off the table. I moved every 2 years since I was 10 years old so it's second nature to me. My SO not so much but he'd do it to keep our family together. I think what's scary this time is not knowing where to go or if we'll find a job and not being able to afford to move without a job.

I graduated high school in 2008 and did 2 years of community college but failed most of it. I was unmotivated and not interested at all. That all falls back on me. I am now at a point where I am dying to go back. I attempted last fall but due to money issues I wasn't able to continue. The reality is though I need to figure out how to make that happen because there's not much now a days that you can do without a degree.

You are right roommates suck. I lived in a house with 6 other people and 3 dogs and that was a nightmare It's hard trying to convince myself that I might have to go back to that.

I'll do whatever I can to keep us a float no matter what that means.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hjgrl View Post
I feel for you. My situation right now is much the same. I work 40 hours a week in a low pay job, litigation paralegal, that I have a degree in the field. They don't allow overtime and I actually HATE my job and my employers aren't much better. So, I decided I needed a change and worked and studied and actually got accepted into the RN program at a college near me. Amazing right? Hardest program to get into and I got in. But here's the sucker punch....... I haven't been approved for financial aid b/c get this, I already have a degree. So my hopes for improving my life are slowly going out the window. Add that to the fact that I can't work my full time job and be in that program full time. It isn't possible.

Now some would say well you have a husband, he can carry you and take care of things until you get out and get a job as an RN. Well theoretically that's true but here's the reality, my husband has been out of work for months...... MONTHS and can't find a job, especially not one that would pay our bills. My job barely supports us.

We are struggling. I am struggling going to work everyday to have nothing to show for it and I don't feel like my dh is trying at all hard enough to find a job. He plays xbox, he hunts, he hangs out with his friends. Meanwhile I come home to a dirty house, laundry and a sink full of dishes from where I've cooked the night before.

My savings account is Empty. My checking account is always overdrawn and my credit card is over limit, just from paying our bills, in addition to paying for the necessary things needed to care for my disabled stepson. That's right, my dh has a son, who is disabled, whom he can't even buy food for, for when we have him at our house, so I'm financially responsible myself, my dh, his son, and our two dogs.

To say I'm becoming very unhappy and resentful is an understatement. Its been almost 2 years of this and I'm fastly approaching my breaking point.

Before all of this, I was 24, had my own house, a car, my dobe, my horse, I competed, took riding lessons, was able to go out, have fun, buy shoes, etc..... Now, I'm lucky if I can buy gas to get me to and from my job and to say that I'm angry and ready to scream is an understatement of mamouth proportions.

So, rant away Kate and don't feel bad for it, I feel your pain.
I don't even know where to start I'm sorry you're going through a similar thing and that your husband is being, well I won't say what he's being. I will say my SO can be lazy and would love to play xbox all day but he did step up the plate when he needed to.

I don't even know the right words to say to you. I'm just sorry and if you ever need to vent, we can bitch and complain together I understand the gas thing. Just the other day I was digging in my car for change. I actually stopped and started laughing because it's all just funny now. There was a time when I hated carrying change around and here I am looking under the seats for change. Ugh!

Hang in there!

Quote:
Originally Posted by dobermansrule View Post
Another thought.

and yes, I'm an old fart now (relatively speaking) and have the benefit of hindsight.

1. you are still young. VERRRRRY young. You have time.
2. Go.To.College. Figure out a way to make that happen. You need to future proof yourself. The only way to survive in this economy - it just is not going to get better on its own - is to have the credentials of the people you are competing with for jobs. Unless you find the magic to distinguish yourself as a photographer and make money that way, you will need the education to command higher pay. That's the unfortunate reality. My wife didn't have that support as a young woman from her parents - basic country uneducated type of people, they didn't value a college education, i.e., her parent didn't do anything to prepare their kids for the future, no savings, no motivation, nada. Before I met her, my wife survived with various jobs. We met. She went back to school and got her degree. Didn't help her much - it was in Psychology but she did that much older than you. It can be done is my point.

2. Figure out priorities. You say SO - I'm old and old fashioned in that regard -that means live-in boyfriend or partner or whatever, right? It's good he's cranking out the hours too - sounds like you both are funneling your money to your household together and it's just not enough? Any intention to make a permanent life together? Sounds like you are influenced by him to not move. Think about that.

3. Listen to Dave Ramsey radio show. He has very good basic advise. And it's a good place to listen to people with bigger problems than you. Bigger problems are people twice your age with no savings, huge debt, etc etc etc. Time moves slowly in your twenties. Hit your thirties, time starts to speed up. Hit forty - you start having those WTH did time go moments, then hit Fifty, its' too late. You are not even 23 yet...

Ramsey crash course:

- you and SO if you are pooling resources and living together, do a monthy budget. As Ramsey says, give every dollar a name at the start of the month. Meaning every dollar you both bring in has pre-planned purpose. If it's not in the budget you both agree on, it doesn't get spent.
- Priority food, lights, rent
- as Ramsey says, eat rice and beans, beans and rice. Neither of you should know what the inside of restaurant looks like unless you are working in it.
- neither of you should have car payments.
- sell stuff
- don't go deeply into debt to get a degree. Use local community college, work while study, available scholarships, assistance-ships, etc. In state college/university much cheaper for resident than going out of state.
- downsize apartment to reduce rent? maybe you are at bare bones now, don't know.
- get roommate to help defray expenses.


anyway. If I sound preachy, sorry. By the time I was 28 - living single, on my own - I was 20,000 in debt in 1988 dollars. I worked really hard to get that much debt bought lots of stuff to keep up with my friends, trips to Cancun, drinking, buying stuff.. just basically living large, beyond my means. Wife bailed my ass out and we've been on a financial plan ever since, starting with a budget.

So, don't assume things will just get better. Take control. You and SO sit down and do a budget. And stick to it. Make a life plan. Don't let the present challenges drown you.
I really like everything you said here. I actually have a book by Dave Ramsey that I need to dig out and start reading. He's got some great ideas. This was very very helpful. Thank you.

Has for me and the SO. Yes we are committed to each other and have plans to get married, what's holding us back is the money right now but he's not going anywhere. What's his is mine and what's mine is his. The money we each make is each others. Everything is shared

Quote:
Originally Posted by hjgrl View Post
Yeah he just text me asking about buying the new black ops 2 game...... my response: If I were going to needlessly spend $60 of My money it sure as hell wouldn't be on that.

We're actually getting to a point of separating over some of this stuff. I know I won't be able to go back to school at this point unless something major happens and its really hard to deal with. But I also hate to get divorced over money and the extenuating circumstances that go with it.

ETA: He has two rifles and he does put food on the table with them. And one of the two is with his mom for her coyote issues.
I will say that my SO sometimes, not often, but sometimes slips and thinks this way. I was actually surprised he didn't buy that game last night. Instead he said we can't afford it right now. His new thing is wanting a motorcycle. I have to keep reminding him that can't happen. Although I offered to get him a pretty picture of one to stare at haha

Ugh men can be so dumb sometimes. No offense all the guys other there
__________________
kwhite30 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Jan 2012
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to kwhite30 For This Useful Post:
hjgrl (11-13-2012), KissNme (11-15-2012), lolonurse (11-15-2012), Meldrew79 (11-14-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 01:35 PM   #39 (permalink)
Alpha
 
hjgrl's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,476
Location: Alabama
Dogs Name: Luci & Barrett
Dogs Age: 4/24/07 & 2/1/14
Gallery Pics: 6
Visit hjgrl's Gallery
Thanks: 20,494
Thanked 3,555 Times in 1,693 Posts
Images: 6
hjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond repute
Oh yeah, John wants the game, he reminded me again at lunch. He wants another motorcycle, he wants his own land to hunt, he wants this and he wants that and the more he talks about all the stuff he wants the more I want to punch him in the face. And my response to all of that has become, "well I want you to get a job" or "I want to be able to pay the bills that are due".

That pisses him off but it shuts him up.
__________________
Dragon Slaying Dobermans Incorporated Member #78
hjgrl is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Oct 2009
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to hjgrl For This Useful Post:
Beaumont67 (11-15-2012), KissNme (11-15-2012), kwhite30 (11-13-2012), lolonurse (11-15-2012), Meldrew79 (11-14-2012), monicaei (11-13-2012), Nynaeve (11-14-2012), pdubois64 (12-11-2012), Sam1491 (11-13-2012), wantsaDobe (11-14-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 01:36 PM   #40 (permalink)
Alpha
 
kwhite30's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,142
Location: Tennessee
Dogs Name: Diesel & Rogue
Titles: Diesel- BH
Dogs Age: 11.17.11; 08.5.12
Gallery Pics: 2
Visit kwhite30's Gallery
Thanks: 5,488
Thanked 6,251 Times in 2,036 Posts
Images: 2
kwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond reputekwhite30 has a reputation beyond repute
Quote:
Originally Posted by hjgrl View Post
Oh yeah, John wants the game, he reminded me again at lunch. He wants another motorcycle, he wants his own land to hunt, he wants this and he wants that and the more he talks about all the stuff he wants the more I want to punch him in the face. And my response to all of that has become, "well I want you to get a job" or "I want to be able to pay the bills that are due".

That pisses him off but it shuts him up.
I always say "well I want a horse and I don't see that happening anytime soon"
__________________
kwhite30 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Jan 2012
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to kwhite30 For This Useful Post:
hjgrl (11-13-2012), lolonurse (11-15-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 01:39 PM   #41 (permalink)
ShutUp an Scratch My Butt
 
Sam1491's Avatar
 
Posts: 5,845
Location: MN
Dogs Name: Mabel (dobe)
Titles: -
Dogs Age: 5/01/10
Gallery Pics: 88
Visit Sam1491's Gallery
Thanks: 11,664
Thanked 12,039 Times in 4,254 Posts
Images: 88
Sam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond repute
Quote:
Originally Posted by kwhite30 View Post
First off I just want to say you are all extremely wonderful and I knew I'd get the best, most honest advice here and I needed that.


Quote:
I know thank you. You have plenty going on yourself which is why I haven't said much.

Diesel and I send love right back.
!
Sharing is caring Sharing with the forum and you and jen about work especially my forum post was the biggest destresser next to when Alex is home. Ya can't always keep it all in
Never feel like you can't talk to me just because I have things going on. With how much I have to deal with that's exactly why I love the distraction of hearing about and helping other people with their problems.
__________________

The Red Devil Diva & Her Shamelessly Obedient Human

Sam1491 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Jul 2011
The Following User Says Thank You to Sam1491 For This Useful Post:
KissNme (11-15-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 01:39 PM   #42 (permalink)
Alpha
 
monicaei's Avatar
 
Posts: 4,230

Gallery Pics: 0
Visit monicaei's Gallery
Thanks: 5,320
Thanked 9,083 Times in 2,896 Posts
monicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond repute
Quote:
Originally Posted by hjgrl View Post
Oh yeah, John wants the game, he reminded me again at lunch. He wants another motorcycle, he wants his own land to hunt, he wants this and he wants that and the more he talks about all the stuff he wants the more I want to punch him in the face. And my response to all of that has become, "well I want you to get a job" or "I want to be able to pay the bills that are due".

That pisses him off but it shuts him up.
I want an 80 foot Bertram sportfisher, but sadly it's not in the budget.

Seriously, is he AWARE of your financial situation? How can anyone be that obtuse?
monicaei is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Aug 2008
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to monicaei For This Useful Post:
Beaumont67 (11-15-2012), hjgrl (11-13-2012), KissNme (11-15-2012), Sam1491 (11-13-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 01:40 PM   #43 (permalink)
Alpha
 
monicaei's Avatar
 
Posts: 4,230

Gallery Pics: 0
Visit monicaei's Gallery
Thanks: 5,320
Thanked 9,083 Times in 2,896 Posts
monicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond reputemonicaei has a reputation beyond repute
Double post

Last edited by monicaei; 11-13-2012 at 01:43 PM..
monicaei is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Aug 2008
Old 11-13-2012, 01:46 PM   #44 (permalink)
ShutUp an Scratch My Butt
 
Sam1491's Avatar
 
Posts: 5,845
Location: MN
Dogs Name: Mabel (dobe)
Titles: -
Dogs Age: 5/01/10
Gallery Pics: 88
Visit Sam1491's Gallery
Thanks: 11,664
Thanked 12,039 Times in 4,254 Posts
Images: 88
Sam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond repute
Quote:
Originally Posted by hjgrl View Post
Oh yeah, John wants the game, he reminded me again at lunch. He wants another motorcycle, he wants his own land to hunt, he wants this and he wants that and the more he talks about all the stuff he wants the more I want to punch him in the face. And my response to all of that has become, "well I want you to get a job" or "I want to be able to pay the bills that are due".

That pisses him off but it shuts him up
.
GOOD! If he can't pay for it when he's openly choosing not to support at least himself then he can't have it!

I'd sit him down and have a serious discussion on where your financials sit and how he's draining YOU in several emotional and physical aspects of life and that things need to change or maybe he needs to go....
__________________

The Red Devil Diva & Her Shamelessly Obedient Human

Sam1491 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Jul 2011
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Sam1491 For This Useful Post:
Beaumont67 (11-15-2012), hjgrl (11-13-2012), Nynaeve (11-14-2012), Okie-dobie (11-18-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 01:47 PM   #45 (permalink)
Alpha
 
hjgrl's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,476
Location: Alabama
Dogs Name: Luci & Barrett
Dogs Age: 4/24/07 & 2/1/14
Gallery Pics: 6
Visit hjgrl's Gallery
Thanks: 20,494
Thanked 3,555 Times in 1,693 Posts
Images: 6
hjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond reputehjgrl has a reputation beyond repute
Yep, he's fully aware, I just don't think he really cares. He's never had to worry about money before, he's always had whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. And that isn't his reality now and he resents it and is pretty ill a lot of the time because of it.

But seriously, I had everything I needed and almost everything I wanted before we got together, now I have nothing but debt and a child for a husband and its my own fault for marrying him.
__________________
Dragon Slaying Dobermans Incorporated Member #78
hjgrl is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Oct 2009
The Following User Says Thank You to hjgrl For This Useful Post:
KissNme (11-15-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 01:52 PM   #46 (permalink)
ShutUp an Scratch My Butt
 
Sam1491's Avatar
 
Posts: 5,845
Location: MN
Dogs Name: Mabel (dobe)
Titles: -
Dogs Age: 5/01/10
Gallery Pics: 88
Visit Sam1491's Gallery
Thanks: 11,664
Thanked 12,039 Times in 4,254 Posts
Images: 88
Sam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond reputeSam1491 has a reputation beyond repute
Quote:
Originally Posted by hjgrl View Post
Yep, he's fully aware, I just don't think he really cares. He's never had to worry about money before, he's always had whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. And that isn't his reality now and he resents it and is pretty ill a lot of the time because of it.

But seriously, I had everything I needed and almost everything I wanted before we got together, now I have nothing but debt and a child for a husband and its my own fault for marrying him.
Don't beat yourself up, mistakes happen, people change. The best thing to do is make changes and move on. Do what you need to do to regain your financial independence from him (seperate bank accounts, etc....) and when you're able go to couples counseling or perhaps get a divorce or something along those lines.
__________________

The Red Devil Diva & Her Shamelessly Obedient Human

Sam1491 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Jul 2011
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Sam1491 For This Useful Post:
hjgrl (11-13-2012), KissNme (11-15-2012), monicaei (11-13-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 03:10 PM   #47 (permalink)
Got mutt?
 
Rosemary's Avatar
 
Posts: 7,801
Location: Southeast Texas
Dogs Name: Ilka (Mutt), and Leo (GSD)
Titles: Ilka-BN RE CA CGC; Leo-UKC CA
Dogs Age: Ilka 4; Leo 2; Lucky 2000-2014
Gallery Pics: 0
Visit Rosemary's Gallery
Thanks: 23,207
Thanked 16,788 Times in 5,890 Posts
Rosemary has a reputation beyond reputeRosemary has a reputation beyond reputeRosemary has a reputation beyond reputeRosemary has a reputation beyond reputeRosemary has a reputation beyond reputeRosemary has a reputation beyond reputeRosemary has a reputation beyond reputeRosemary has a reputation beyond reputeRosemary has a reputation beyond reputeRosemary has a reputation beyond reputeRosemary has a reputation beyond repute
I'm in a similar postition. Right now, we're robbing Peter to pay Paul. The scariest part this month was learning that, due to changes in the rules, Medicaid wasn't going to pay for my son's medication anymore, since the doctor that prescribes it is not a Medicaid provider. Believe me when I say that the thought of possibly having to spend 1/3 of our monthy income on his medication was heart-stopping. I've been scrambling to find another doctor, which is a shame, because this doctor has been doing his meds for years.
__________________

CA Speed Queen Leontine Von Washateria
Ilka Of Pear Orchard Cemetery BN RE CA CGC
Lucky Rat Dog CGC ~2000-2014~ Requiescat In Pace
Rosemary is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Jan 2012
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Rosemary For This Useful Post:
hjgrl (11-13-2012), KissNme (11-15-2012), Okie-dobie (11-18-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 03:20 PM   #48 (permalink)
Alpha
 
dobermansrule's Avatar
 
Posts: 14,268
Location: +45.5140 -122.9455
Dogs Name: quincy
Dogs Age: 10/8/2006
Gallery Pics: 0
Visit dobermansrule's Gallery
Thanks: 9,287
Thanked 29,749 Times in 9,606 Posts
dobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond repute
Quote:
Originally Posted by hjgrl View Post
Oh yeah, John wants the game, he reminded me again at lunch. He wants another motorcycle, he wants his own land to hunt, he wants this and he wants that and the more he talks about all the stuff he wants the more I want to punch him in the face. And my response to all of that has become, "well I want you to get a job" or "I want to be able to pay the bills that are due".

That pisses him off but it shuts him up.
Frankly, the guy needs to grow a pair and man up. Boy-hood is over and you are not mommy. I would pack him up and send him back to his real mommy with note attached "Mrs ________, Happy Holidays. Here, you broke him, he's all yours to fix. All the best. xxx "
dobermansrule is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Feb 2008
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to dobermansrule For This Useful Post:
Beaumont67 (11-15-2012), Cathy43 (11-14-2012), GRAYGHOST (11-15-2012), hjgrl (11-13-2012), KissNme (11-15-2012), Meldrew79 (11-14-2012), Nynaeve (11-14-2012), pdubois64 (12-11-2012), Sam1491 (11-13-2012), wantsaDobe (11-14-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 03:29 PM   #49 (permalink)
Alpha
 
dobermansrule's Avatar
 
Posts: 14,268
Location: +45.5140 -122.9455
Dogs Name: quincy
Dogs Age: 10/8/2006
Gallery Pics: 0
Visit dobermansrule's Gallery
Thanks: 9,287
Thanked 29,749 Times in 9,606 Posts
dobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond reputedobermansrule has a reputation beyond repute
Quote:
Originally Posted by kwhite30 View Post
Thank you for sharing your story with me. I'm sorry all that happened. I have come to the realization that this beautiful home that we live in now just isn't meant for us at this time. One day we can have something nice again but reality has set in that right now we need to take what we can get (afford) and rebuild our life.

My landlord wants $500 to terminate our lease but that's ONLY if I move to another Camden apartment. Now if I terminate just because I can't afford rent they want $6,000. They aren't very easy people to work with here. I do need to find someone to talk to about my finances and come up with a plan because I'm not very good at that part.

Thank you for your advice and good luck to your family as well



Thank you




You hit the nail on the head about where I live. It's crawling with federal employees. I had tried to get a government job but there wasn't much out there for me without a degree.

Moving hasn't been taken off the table. I moved every 2 years since I was 10 years old so it's second nature to me. My SO not so much but he'd do it to keep our family together. I think what's scary this time is not knowing where to go or if we'll find a job and not being able to afford to move without a job.

I graduated high school in 2008 and did 2 years of community college but failed most of it. I was unmotivated and not interested at all. That all falls back on me. I am now at a point where I am dying to go back. I attempted last fall but due to money issues I wasn't able to continue. The reality is though I need to figure out how to make that happen because there's not much now a days that you can do without a degree.

You are right roommates suck. I lived in a house with 6 other people and 3 dogs and that was a nightmare It's hard trying to convince myself that I might have to go back to that.

I'll do whatever I can to keep us a float no matter what that means.



I don't even know where to start I'm sorry you're going through a similar thing and that your husband is being, well I won't say what he's being. I will say my SO can be lazy and would love to play xbox all day but he did step up the plate when he needed to.

I don't even know the right words to say to you. I'm just sorry and if you ever need to vent, we can bitch and complain together I understand the gas thing. Just the other day I was digging in my car for change. I actually stopped and started laughing because it's all just funny now. There was a time when I hated carrying change around and here I am looking under the seats for change. Ugh!

Hang in there!



I really like everything you said here. I actually have a book by Dave Ramsey that I need to dig out and start reading. He's got some great ideas. This was very very helpful. Thank you.

Has for me and the SO. Yes we are committed to each other and have plans to get married, what's holding us back is the money right now but he's not going anywhere. What's his is mine and what's mine is his. The money we each make is each others. Everything is shared



I will say that my SO sometimes, not often, but sometimes slips and thinks this way. I was actually surprised he didn't buy that game last night. Instead he said we can't afford it right now. His new thing is wanting a motorcycle. I have to keep reminding him that can't happen. Although I offered to get him a pretty picture of one to stare at haha

Ugh men can be so dumb sometimes. No offense all the guys other there
read your comment to lolo about your lease and the penalty to break it. What is the occupancy rate where you are? my guess is its pretty high - i.e., apartments have an easy time filling vacancies. Have another meeting with your landlord. Offer to help advertise to fill the vacancy and if the local statistics support it, point out to her/him that they will have no trouble filling your vacancy in the current market and that they should give you a break on the penalty. Explain your hard times. Appeal to them. When is your lease up, by the way? if you have a bunch of months left on a years lease, you limit your bargaining power, but still, I'd challenge them on it.

is the book "Total money makeover?" I know that book.

and keep repeating the Ramsey mantra "live like no-one else so you can live like no-one else"
dobermansrule is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Feb 2008
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to dobermansrule For This Useful Post:
lolonurse (11-15-2012), Sam1491 (11-13-2012)
Old 11-13-2012, 03:43 PM   #50 (permalink)
Big Dog
 
iHeartKyu's Avatar
 
Posts: 133
Location: Canada
Dogs Name: Jodi
Dogs Age: 4 months
Gallery Pics: 0
Visit iHeartKyu's Gallery
Thanks: 11
Thanked 140 Times in 47 Posts
iHeartKyu is a splendid one to beholdiHeartKyu is a splendid one to beholdiHeartKyu is a splendid one to beholdiHeartKyu is a splendid one to beholdiHeartKyu is a splendid one to beholdiHeartKyu is a splendid one to beholdiHeartKyu is a splendid one to behold
People may have situations worse than you but that doesn't mean your issues aren't worth considering. Everyone has their downside of their life at least once in their life. This is just yours. I don't have the right to say you will be alright since I haven't been there, but your efforts will make you survive. You sound like one tough lady! You're trying your hardest and giving what you can, but hey, you're still holding on right? Emotionally, possibly physically, you are down and you just want some support and to make sure all debts are done with and you don't have to worry about being bankrupt etc., but you're hanging on. That's what's so powerful about you. Your efforts will come to a fantastic result when you won't have to worry no more. It's hard now, but please, hang in there. Diesel needs you, and you need him. You need support, and we are here.

I was raised how if you want something, you have to work for it. You are trying so hard and you're surviving, even though it's not the brightest that you have wished. You're a strong girl, everyone is strong. You're doing what you can. As for your friends, I understand. Sometimes the smallest things are so big to others, when you could care less... If I were you, I would have actually told them to suck it up because it's not worth complaining over. Just wash your shirt, big deal (That's for me, of course).

As for university, you can always go. There are many methods to help you pay tuition, etc. for education. Student loans, and so on. No one is too late to go to university. You regret not going to university? Don't worry, you can still go. No one said you couldn't and no one said you had to go right away after you graduate high school. It's not too late, you can still go if that's what you really want.

You're quite the lady. Many people would have given up their dogs because of money. They just can't afford it. You'd rather feed your dog and give Diesel the best instead of what you need (Such as buying dog feed than buying food for yourself). You're an amazing young adult. I respect you for your struggles, yet you were still going on tight and strong. It will come to a good result... It's just hard for now. We all do, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't complain about anything. It's good to vent, and everyone has their problems. I know I'm not much help but please, don't give up.
__________________
Feeling down? Saddle up, It is the only cure.
iHeartKyu is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!
Join Date: Jul 2012
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:09 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.0 Beta 2
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2 ©2009, Crawlability, Inc.
@2005 - 2008 DobermanTalk.com
PetGuide.com
Basset.net DobermanTalk.com GoldenRetrieverForum.com OurBeagleWorld.com
BoxerForums.com DogForums.com GoPitbull.com PoodleForum.com
BulldogBreeds.com FishForums.com HavaneseForum.com SpoiledMaltese.com
CatForum.com GermanShepherds.com Labradoodle-dogs.net YorkieForum.com
Chihuahua-People.com RetrieverBreeds.com