If you all remember I lost my job back in August and it has been a slippery slope ever since and I've been struggling with a lot. I've become slightly depressed, anxiety attacks have increased, sleeping issues, very irritable and just all around miserable. I feel like I've had a string of bad luck and I'm at my breaking point. I live in one of the most expensive counties in the country and to say money is tight is an understatement
, especially after Diesel's abscess scare and the flooding from Hurricane Sandy. I'm working two jobs to the point of exhaustion
and it still doesn't feel like enough or that I'm ever going to catch a break.
I was raised to work hard and do what you need to survive and stuff all your feelings way down inside of you. I am doing my best but I keep failing and it's not enough. I've faced eviction because I had to use rent money to fix our apartment. My drivers side door of my car decided that it no longer wants to open. I had to put my photography business on hold which crushed me. I'm working as an assistant manager at a place where I used to be the general manager and I hate that (I'm almost 23 and the GM is 19
) I've had to buy food for Diesel over food for myself. Diesel's 1st birthday is this coming Saturday and I can't even get him a good gift. I can't celebrate thanksgiving or help decorate for christmas with my family because I can't afford to take time off or afford what it costs in gas to see them.
My SO went from working 30 hours a week to 60 to help pay the bills. My SO's birthday is also on the 23rd and I don't think I can get him a gift nor do I think I can afford christmas gifts this year. My savings account has been drained.
I'm in debit with all my credit cards and the list goes on. I know it doesn't seem bad and there are people who have it much worse then me. I try to remind myself of that but it doesn't seem to make it any easier.
My heart is breaking. I never wanted to live like this or want this life for my family. We went from living the good life and being pretty well off to basically poor overnight.
It's been extremely hard. I've been trying to keep it together and not let it bother me but reality is starting to set it. I'm working 12-15 hour days and busting my ass to do whatever I can to keep us a float
but I feel alone doing it. None of my friends get it because they all fully have the support of their family. My family doesn't understand it but we won't get into that. Thank goodness for Diesel. He has been the light in my life. I'd be completely lost without that big ball of goofiness. He's the reason I am doing what I do...