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Old 12-27-2012, 12:02 AM   #351 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beaumont67 View Post
On getting a parking ticket:

The other day I went downtown to run a few errands. I went into the local coffee shop for a snack.

I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was this cop writing out a parking ticket.

I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving an old autobodyman a break'?

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. His insensitivity annoyed me, so I called him a 'Nazi.'

He glared at me and then wrote out another ticket for having worn tires.

So I proceeded to call him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he wrote a third ticket when I called him a moron in blue. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I talked back to him the
more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't really care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had one of those bumper
stickers that said, ' Obama '08.'

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm older. The doctor tells me that it's important for my health.
Hahaha thanks for the tip-that could work both ways :p glad i don't put my politics on my car for psychos like that.
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Old 12-27-2012, 09:46 AM   #352 (permalink)
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This is cute and funny
This would be a bad idea to teach the wrong dog this lol

Drivingdogs - YouTube
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Old 12-28-2012, 03:12 AM   #353 (permalink)
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This is cute and funny
This would be a bad idea to teach the wrong dog this lol

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I thought that was a gorgeous dog!
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Old 01-02-2013, 07:47 PM   #354 (permalink)
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The look on my newest coworker's face (sorry, no pictures) when, over the phone, I casually said to a different coworker "Well, yeah, head wounds bleed like crazy."
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:35 PM   #355 (permalink)
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Old 01-05-2013, 04:10 PM   #356 (permalink)
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Old 01-05-2013, 05:01 PM   #357 (permalink)
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Pork...What?! - Family Feud - YouTube

I dont even watch Family Feud but this cracked me up!! While your on Youtube, look at "news anchor fail 2011". Those are always good for a quick laugh!
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Old 01-09-2013, 04:18 PM   #358 (permalink)
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Old 01-14-2013, 11:38 PM   #359 (permalink)
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Old 01-15-2013, 08:57 AM   #360 (permalink)
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invisible prank



This is funny, scary and sad all at the same time...these people think a ghost was actually driving the car.

How dumb can one person actually be?
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Old 02-01-2013, 08:58 PM   #361 (permalink)
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Old 02-01-2013, 08:59 PM   #362 (permalink)
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Old 02-01-2013, 09:00 PM   #363 (permalink)
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Old 02-14-2013, 08:36 PM   #364 (permalink)
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Old 02-14-2013, 09:18 PM   #365 (permalink)
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This literally made me lose my breath and now I have a terrible headache from exploding with laughter!

Quote:
Originally Posted by hjgrl View Post
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Old 02-14-2013, 09:20 PM   #366 (permalink)
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Cats Playing Patty-cake, what they were saying... - YouTube

This has been around awhile, but it makes me laugh every single time!
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:05 PM   #367 (permalink)
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Irish Dog Joke:

A dog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the tellers name is Patricia Whack.

So the dog says "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the dog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The dog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the dog says it's Frank Jagger and tells her that the loan will be okay because he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that the dog will need to secure some collateral against the loan.

She asks if he has anything to use as collateral.

"Sure," the dog says. "I have this" and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant about half an inch tall.

Now thoroughly confused, Ms Whack explains that she'll have to consult the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says:

"There's a dog out there called Frank Jagger who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000 using this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean what the heck is this?"

The bank manager slowly raises his head, looks her in the eye and says, without missing a beat:

"It's a Knick Knack, Patti Whack, give the dog his loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone."
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Old 02-26-2013, 06:11 PM   #368 (permalink)
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Old 02-26-2013, 09:29 PM   #369 (permalink)
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Old 02-27-2013, 02:09 PM   #370 (permalink)
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I just laughed at this pretty hard.

I wouldn't even be mad - Imgur
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Old 02-28-2013, 11:47 AM   #371 (permalink)
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http://youtu.be/GPd74JUWlNI

this is hilarious too.
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Old 03-03-2013, 10:13 AM   #372 (permalink)
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Giving up drinking and golf
________________________________________
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,
"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 30 years!"
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf."
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Old 03-03-2013, 08:33 PM   #373 (permalink)
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This cracked me up and so something i would do.... I guess I have a sick sense of humor

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Old 03-04-2013, 07:37 AM   #374 (permalink)
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FYI - I was an avid NHL hockey fan till 1967-'68 and watched the Toronto Maple Leafs beat the Montreal Canadians in game7...for the Stanley Cup.
- I was in grade8 and won a $1 or $2 bet on the final game, of the hockey season
The last year before team expansion, the original 6 teams were all loaded with many superstars...one of the most exciting time period, in winter sports.

fancy bar tender
A guy goes into a bar and there is a robot bartender. The robot says,
"What will you have?"eafs
The guy says "Martini." The robot brings back the best martini ever
and says to the man,
"What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168." The robot then proceeds to talk
About physics, space exploration and medical technology.

The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The
robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini".
Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says,
"What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk
about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.

The guy leaves, but finds it so interesting, he thinks he will try it
one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will
you have?" The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another
great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says,
"Uh, about 50."

The robot leans in real close and says, "So... you gonna cheer for the
Leafs again this year?"
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Last edited by Beaumont67; 03-04-2013 at 07:56 AM..
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Old 03-04-2013, 07:44 AM   #375 (permalink)
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Click here to find out how Nubis'sDad became a supporter
^^^^I hearya on the superstars. My fav was Jean Beliveau, (the Gentle Giant), of the Montreal Canadians.
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