New Dobe doesn't like my brother - Doberman Forum : Doberman Breed Dog Forums

naturaldobe · 11-30-2012, 10:12 PM

Hey guys, I know I've been absent for a while but I need your help! I just adopted a one year old, red spayed female Doberman off of craigslist and she is such a sweet girl and my other Dobe absolutely loves her. My boyfriend and I both love her, but my little brother who lives with us does not. Neither does his gf. His gf is an only child who was only raised around cats so she's a little spoiled, not used to big rambunctious dogs, and has my little brother completely wrapped around her finger.

I have had her since Sunday night (11/25). He is hardly ever home, when he comes home, he breezes past her and usually goes straight to his room or starts cooking in the kitchen and ignores her. Only today did he finally start trying to say hi to her and interact with her when he comes in. Consequently, she seems to think he is an intruder that periodically comes and goes and must be barked at EVERY time she sees him. She will literally run at him and start barking. I try to intercept him on his way out and give him a hug and reintroduce him to her while he pets her while I'm reassuring her but he's always "in a hurry" and just brushes me off and leaves. No wonder she's freaked out by him!

I told him he needs to spend some time with her, give her some treats, make her sit for them, play with her, etc. but he's "too busy" all the freakin' time! Now he and his gf are so nervous/scared around her (which I'm sure doesn't help set her at ease in the slightest), they make me lock her up in a separate room while they go through the house

I know I just need to sit down with him, explain the situation, and make him spend some time with her, but do you guys have any other suggestions? I really want this to work out, Peyton is SO happy now that she has a little sister to play with!

**EmilyB** · 11-30-2012, 10:14 PM

Can you find another home for the little brother???

Nynaeve · 11-30-2012, 10:18 PM

I like EmilyB's suggestion.

Tell them both that she is now living here, and if they can't accept her and work at helping her get used to them, then they can move out.

naturaldobe · 11-30-2012, 10:22 PM

Hahaha! I'm tempted! He's planning on moving out this summer after he graduates from college anyway, but that's a long time to live with this kind of animosity

Edit to add: it really bugs me because when he first moved in he spent a bunch of time with Peyton and absolutely adores her, but now that he has his gf he won't show the new dog the same courtesy.

brw1982 · 11-30-2012, 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by naturaldobe

I told him he needs to spend some time with her, give her some treats, make her sit for them, play with her, etc. but he's "too busy" all the freakin' time! Now he and his gf are so nervous/scared around her (which I'm sure doesn't help set her at ease in the slightest), they make me lock her up in a separate room while they go through the house

If he's in the house long enough that he wants her shut in a room while he wanders around then he's not in too much of a hurry to meet her properly. If his GF doesn't live there, then I'd tell them both that her opinion matters to me about as much as a random stranger on the street.

And if he still refuses a proper introduction to MY dog in MY house...he'd be welcome to get his own place.

naturaldobe · 11-30-2012, 10:48 PM

Yeah I'm tempted to tell him that, but alas, I do enjoy his portion of the rent being paid for now. I'd also like to not tarnish our relationship over this if at all possible. I think if I can just get him home long enough to actually talk to him without his gf there, he might see how he's being ridiculous. And no, the gf doesn't live here, so her opinion really doesn't matter to me. But because my brother was so upset, I just consented after a lot of protest.

And here is a a couple of pics, because I know we all love pics here!

and here are the two Dobes taking a very brief break between playing like crazy

She is a serious tugger!

Amelia_ · 12-01-2012, 02:21 AM

She's gorgeous!

Congrats on the new addition.

I would be as above, everyone could take a short amount of time to introduce themselves, it sounds like he's being stubborn! I guess there's not a lot you can do if they don't want to help the situation too. Maybe you could sit them down for a serious chat and let them know it's really important to you?

Toby'shuman · 12-01-2012, 04:27 AM

What a beauty, and what a stubborn moron your brother is being for not giving her the time of day. He obviously sleeps in the house so he must spend x amount of time in there so his breezing past her is just sheer bloodymindedness.

If I were in your shoes I would tell him you expect him to sit down and talk to you and give it to him straight, that he either acknowledges the dog or he finds somewhere else to live, because rent aside, this is not a happy atmosphere for your new girl and should the worst come to the worst if one day she takes it into her head to give the weird guy a bite or two for walking in late one night what will happen then.

Your house, your rules. Simple.

BeccaBee · 12-01-2012, 08:12 AM

I don't think having a serious discussion with your brother about the situation would tarnish your relationship, it would make your relationship better if you could talk it out and make him respect you more if you put your foot down about this, and tell him 'this is the way it's going to be'. You clearly know how to help the dog bond with him and accecpt him, you just need him on board.

smudgeid · 12-01-2012, 09:46 AM

It feels to me that it might be too early to be super concerned but I'd definitely have a talk with him.

While you do talk, remember his gf might legitimately be afraid - and that your brother is probably caught in the middle (and more likely to want to please her than you right now).

What about telling him you will put the dog away when he's coming through or if she is visiting - AFTER they've made a serious effort to be friendly & help the new scaredy dog to relax? After all, he lives there, the dog lives there & you'd prefer that everyone gets along.

If you can manage to phrase it properly, he can save a little face & maybe the issue won't escalate & change your relationship. Approach it as a compromise & hope he'll make the effort.
Kate

vivienne00 · 12-01-2012, 03:23 PM

Maybe the girlfriend should not come and visit and your brother can go and visit her. There is no reason she has to come over, he can go there. Your dogs are your family and take precedence over visitors. If people come to my house and don't want to interact with the dogs or be bothered by them, I don't invite them back. If it is family, I let them know that the dogs will always be there and we can go to their place if my dogs are too much for them. The one time I conceded and locked the dogs in the bedroom, they ate the fur collar off someone's coat - that person had left it on the bed - too bad.

It certainly has cut down on the amount of unwanted entertaining I used to have to do

.

I make no apologies for my choice of dogs and since they spend their lives with me, their convenience and comfort are top of my list. But then again, I am known as someone not to be crossed, and who has a definite opinion on many matters, particularly those pertaining to my own house.

naturaldobe · 12-01-2012, 03:53 PM

Thanks everyone! I will definitely sit him down and try to talk to him without making him defensive. I like the idea of the compromise, that seems pretty fair to me. It just infuriates me that they refuse to make any effort whatsoever. Grrr! Okay, I'll keep you guys posted!

Adara · 12-01-2012, 06:21 PM

My two cents - you can also teach her to be ok with him. And what I would do anyay is have you be the treat giver when she is not reacting near him. Get closer slower and slower WHEN he is around. I would hang out by him and be a pez dispenser. Then I would slowly toss treats closer to him (not too close she is barking). I would literally start dropping them on his feet/near his feet at one point.

triciakoontz · 12-01-2012, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adara

My two cents - you can also teach her to be ok with him. And what I would do anyay is have you be the treat giver when she is not reacting near him. Get closer slower and slower WHEN he is around. I would hang out by him and be a pez dispenser. Then I would slowly toss treats closer to him (not too close she is barking). I would literally start dropping them on his feet/near his feet at one point.

GREAT advice!! Cook some chicken or pork for high value treats and only give those out when Bro is in the house, following Adara's plan. You need to work on your new girl as much as anything - she can easily be taught to accept anyone who is allowed to enter your house, no matter whether they interact with her or not.

Appeal to your brother's sense of fairness by asking him to help you train her to be accepting of people coming in the house instead of lecturing him on why he should interact with the dog. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Asking for help is an age-old way to break through a strained relationship between 2 people.

"Don't expect anyone else to love your dog. Be pleasantly surprised if they do." Excellent advice given out to many people by my husband John Koontz, DVM.