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Old 07-16-2009, 11:10 AM   #1 (permalink)
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What to do...

So just now, I received a knock on my door...Special Delivery.

It's all of Aidyn's things. His tags and collar, his favourite stuffies, training tools (leads, harness, halti etc), blankets...

What should I do with these? I'm feeling selfish, not wanting Wookie to have them, but to be honest the toys are way too big for him and all of the leads and things are..uh, too big for him as well.

I've already put his favourite Owl (from sleeping beauty, he used to have all of the prince's cloak/boots/hat n stuff, but he kinda ate them to the point where I had to cut them off...) up on the mantle, well..It's more of a wooden box structure of shelves that's off to the left of the mantle, but it's all the same to me right now.

Where would you put everything else? I almost feel like it would be wrong to put the things in a box and put it in the attic (to be forgotten), but I don't want to get rid of any of it..

Just one more reason to have a good cry today...
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Old 07-16-2009, 11:13 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I got a little tearful reading your post, I have no idea how difficult it must be. Nor do I have any idea what I would do if I was in your shoes. But, you're not being selfish for not giving them to Wookie, they are memories of Aidyn.
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Old 07-16-2009, 11:17 AM   #3 (permalink)
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You don't do anything with them until you know what to do with them. And that takes time. It just seems that one day we have an epiphany and we know what to do with them, something that makes sense to us and gives us comfort, and that may be different for everyone.
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Old 07-16-2009, 11:44 AM   #4 (permalink)
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You don't do anything with them until you know what to do with them. And that takes time. It just seems that one day we have an epiphany and we know what to do with them, something that makes sense to us and gives us comfort, and that may be different for everyone.
Amen.

Don't do anything while your heart is so hurty and unsettled.

One day, in a quiet moment, it will come to you what you want to do.

Sometimes, it's more of a process than the "one day" thing, though, and that's okay, too.

Usually I have my guys cremated, so I often put a special thing of theirs in with the ashes. Sometimes, I share something with one who is still here on earth with me, if it feels okay to me.

I have also donated things to the shelter, and even taken them in personally, walked the cages and runs, and given them to the animal whose eyes seemed to say they needed it most.
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Old 07-16-2009, 11:55 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I agree, I wouldn't rush into doing anything.

But I'll aso add over the years I've owned a lot of different dogs, all well loved. It's just not practical to keep everything each dog ever "owned". I pretty much keep their collars, which sit on top of the boxes containing their ashes. Things like coats, leashes, etc. are used for other dogs in the family. Anything else just goes away.....
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Old 07-16-2009, 11:56 AM   #6 (permalink)
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It is definitely a process, and what everyone does with these things is different.

I still have a brush and leash from my lab/GSD/collie mix I had until a few years ago. I certainly don't need a long hair brush for either of my current dogs and the leash is a short one, good only for a taller dog, but I still have them going on four years later. Only recently did I tell my father that I think the leash would be good for his lab, granting permission for it to be used (it is still at their house).

When my cat Amy died, she left behind a purple leash that I had used for vet trips. Amy was my dog Lizz's best friend growing up and I have used it on Lizz for 10 years in memory of Amy. Only recently did I have the heart to retire it and deck Lizz out in a new leash to match her new collar.

Someday, it will come to you. Maybe tomorrow, but probably quite some time from now, when you leash expect it.
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Old 07-16-2009, 11:56 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I agree with the others and I wouldn't do anything now but put them away. Time has a way of sorting things out, and you and only you, will know when the time is right and what you want to do then. I recently gave a nice rolled collar belonging to my second Dobe, Scion, who had been gone since 1994 to a friend who had rescued a Dobe. I think one of Baron's nice leather collars will end up on Tara as he was her uncle. Give it time.
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Old 07-16-2009, 12:03 PM   #8 (permalink)
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As I bury all my dogs on the property, I always place their collar, favorite toys, something of mine, their dog dish full of food a big bone, their favorite blankey etc. with them in their grave. Then i either plant a flower, shrub or something that reminds me who is who on each grave site. I visit them everyday and talk to each of them, I find it very comforting.

Yes, do not be in a hurry to do anything with Aidyns things yet.
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Old 07-16-2009, 12:10 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Yes, to what others have said. I have photos of those that have gone to the bridge, and when it was new, I kept their special things, next to the photo. In time, like everyone else, has said I have felt inspired to use them with some of the other animals, or a friend will say they have a need, and I'll remember I have this or that and can pass it on. You'll know exactly what to do, when the time is right. If you're doubting what to do, just be patient with yourself and do nothing, the answers will come when you're ready. Sorry.
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Old 07-16-2009, 12:20 PM   #10 (permalink)
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My wife slept with Samson's favorite blanket (well what was left of it) for a long time after he left us. I still have a sniff at it every once in a while. His blanket and favorite stuffed monkey are sitting on the bookshelf overlooking us everyday. We kept his other toys out of Ali's reach for sometime as well. So sorry for your loss. I hope the pain will pass and the memories will last forever.
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Old 07-16-2009, 12:25 PM   #11 (permalink)
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it makes me teary reading that as well.

Hold on to them for now until you know what feels right.

*hug*
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Old 07-16-2009, 12:34 PM   #12 (permalink)
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My Pit Bull was cremated. She is now safely on display in my dinning room cabinet along with her collars and tags and a few photos. As well as her cremation certificate and a nice card from our vets.

I would never use her collars on Gretchen, but I do use her leash still.. I guess I just like the familiarity of how it feels.

My deepest condolences, you'll know what to do when the time is right.
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Old 07-16-2009, 12:40 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Kleos bed sheet, choke, leash, bowl, last treat bag she ate out of, and some other belongings are sitting in my closet. I know they are there 24/7 but I really don't even use my closet so when I do, I reminisce about her.

I will most likely re-use the items as I do have a short budget but will not use the choke, at least I think. Only time will tell.
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Old 07-16-2009, 07:09 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Casandra View Post
So just now, I received a knock on my door...Special Delivery.

It's all of Aidyn's things. His tags and collar, his favourite stuffies, training tools (leads, harness, halti etc), blankets...

What should I do with these? I'm feeling selfish, not wanting Wookie to have them, but to be honest the toys are way too big for him and all of the leads and things are..uh, too big for him as well.

I've already put his favourite Owl (from sleeping beauty, he used to have all of the prince's cloak/boots/hat n stuff, but he kinda ate them to the point where I had to cut them off...) up on the mantle, well..It's more of a wooden box structure of shelves that's off to the left of the mantle, but it's all the same to me right now.

Where would you put everything else? I almost feel like it would be wrong to put the things in a box and put it in the attic (to be forgotten), but I don't want to get rid of any of it..

Just one more reason to have a good cry today...
Well, after reading this...and dealing with my own memories...I'll join you in that cry.

You already have got some great advice...You will know what to do with that stuff when your heart knows what to do with the stuff.

I know for me...if you go in my garage...neatly arranged on a set of hooks you will find a row of 5 collars and with leashes attached...they are from all the wonderful companions that have graced our family...waiting patiently for me to join them at the bridge and resume the walks we once had.

As much as it is good to let go of the past...there is a small magic in holding on to small pieces to remember all that was good...all the things that made me smile, laugh, and love.......

Sending you strength to get through this difficult time.
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Old 07-16-2009, 07:19 PM   #15 (permalink)
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.

I would never use her collars on Gretchen, but I do use her leash still.. I guess I just like the familiarity of how it feels.

I think collars are a little more personal, at least they are around here. Leashes are bought for general use. When I need a leash, I grab one, there's no guarantee a dog will use the same leash over and over again. Many dogs will probably use that leash over the years.

Collars, on the other hand, are usually selected for one particular dog depending on their color, personality, gender, etc.

Maybe this is the difference between a multi dog household and one with an only dog.
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Old 07-16-2009, 07:50 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Collars, on the other hand, are usually selected for one particular dog depending on their color, personality, gender, etc.

Maybe this is the difference between a multi dog household and one with an only dog.[/quote]


I think you're right about that. Jeni and River wore different size stuff though.

When River died, collar and leash went in the ground with him. That leash was special. when I bought it, a trainer said that it was too stiff. Let me tell you, it was like a greasey rope by the time it was buried with him. Too many memories to use on anyone else. Also some favorite toys, a tracking flag, a coat, all of his ribbons from EX B classes.
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Old 07-16-2009, 08:12 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I think what's important is to give it sometime. And then it's really such a personal thing, what feels right to me might not to someone else. Sort of let your own heart lead the way.

In late 1999, a good friend of my late fathers passed. Dave and my father had been close friends since WWII. I took his beloved 10 year old lab Pete and his cat when he passed. I put Pete down in 2006 when he was over 16. About a year later, I thought it might be best to put Pete's ashes over Dave's grave up in a remote town close to Rainier, it was remote enough that I could have done it. So I drove up there with every intention of doing that, got out of the rig and thought about it, looked at Rex who had spent the first year of his life with Pete, and my heart told me to bring the box with Pete back home. His ashes are now under a stone here, next to Baron who he lived with for over 5 years and all my other dogs and cats who have passed. I still have the cat btw. When Dave made arrangements for me to take his dog and cat nothing was ever said about their remains. So in the end I just did what felt right for me and Pete.
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Old 07-16-2009, 08:24 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cathy43 View Post
Collars, on the other hand, are usually selected for one particular dog depending on their color, personality, gender, etc.

Maybe this is the difference between a multi dog household and one with an only dog.

I think you're right about that. Jeni and River wore different size stuff though.

When River died, collar and leash went in the ground with him. That leash was special. when I bought it, a trainer said that it was too stiff. Let me tell you, it was like a greasey rope by the time it was buried with him. Too many memories to use on anyone else. Also some favorite toys, a tracking flag, a coat, all of his ribbons from EX B classes.[/quote]

I took the box with Murrey's ashes back east with me, they were then buried next to her son, Ch. Soquel's Double Trouble. A fuzzy stuffy snake went into the hole with the box of ashes. Anyone who ever met Murrey would understand why-she never went ANYWHERE without her stuffy snake.

She's the only dog who isn't here with us today, the rest of the dogs who've left us are in cedar boxes in "the heartbreak closet". I only buried her next to this son because I didn't want him to be by himself on a lonely hillside. His owner has built a nice little private pet cemetary, with a stone wall around it, spring bulbs planted around the headstones.

By the way, when that son of hers died, his owner sent me all of his coats (and he had an extensive coat wardrobe). They've been put to good use around here.

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Old 07-16-2009, 08:30 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MerrysMom View Post
I know for me...if you go in my garage...neatly arranged on a set of hooks you will find a row of 5 collars and with leashes attached...they are from all the wonderful companions that have graced our family...waiting patiently for me to join them at the bridge and resume the walks we once had.
This moved me incredibly. Such a poignant reminder of the bond between dog and owner.

Oh Casandra...I can just imagine how wrenching it must have been to go through everything; I'm so sorry. As for what to do with it, you'll figure it out. Give it time. Everyone handles mourning differently.
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Old 07-16-2009, 08:33 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I am so very sorry for your loss.

I have my Chase's collars in a drawer in my dresser. That is where they will stay.

I gave her bed to a lovely woman who rescued a large male rottweiler last year. I hear he loves it.

It takes time to deal with the emotions and the loss before you can decide what to do with these things. It will come to you and feel right.
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Old 07-16-2009, 08:40 PM   #21 (permalink)
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I put

mine in the linen closet. When I get towels or sheets I can remember all the good times. Deepest sympathy on your loss.
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Old 07-16-2009, 09:11 PM   #22 (permalink)
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I proudly introduce to you Dobie and Daisy. They are in a curio cabinet in the corner of our living room. We haven't put their ashes into the urns yet, we seem to have trouble doing this. Dobie will be buried with me and Daisy with my wife. Our last two, Destiny and Hank will join them when the time comes. The collars with tags are the only thing we kept. We still use their leashes.
You'll know what to do with what, it just takes time. I'll enjoy their glorious company sometime at the end of that long road of life.
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Old 07-16-2009, 09:21 PM   #23 (permalink)
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When my ridgeback girl whom i had a very strong bond with died, my mom put a picture of she and I in a frame along with her collar and gave it to me as a gift. It was one of the best gifts i've ever gotten!
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Old 07-16-2009, 10:25 PM   #24 (permalink)
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For the longest time I couldn't have any of my living dogs wear a past dog's collar. Now I can, and it's actually kind of neat in a way. Scandal is currently wearing one of my first Doberman's collars,(Max). It's denim and says Mud Puppies on it. It was appropriate for my first red boy and is certainly appropriate for my silly red boy I have now. I do keep safe the last collar my dogs wore though with tags,etc.

People grieve differently. I groom dogs for a living. After I had to pts my boy Max, it was well over a year before I could say the name Max to a dog I groomed named Max. Instead, I called it Buddy, Handsome, etc. I just couldn't call another dog Max.

Only you will know what to do with his things. Some very favorite things are saved or in Max's case buried with him, other things I pass on to other dogs.
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Old 07-16-2009, 11:36 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Awwww.

Just go easy on yourself.

When my collie Meg passed away, I went through something quite similar. I put all her stuff in a haversack and put it in a cupboard. I even moved house with it several times. Then one day, several years later, I had my first foster dog living with me and I remembered that bag. I'd almost forgotten exactly what was in it by then. Pulling out Meg's things one by one was hard - each one gave me a little shock of grief (especially the brush that still had some of Meg's hair in it). So I did quite a bit of crying. But there were a few things that I knew the foster dog would enjoy - tuggles, balls, a soft frisbee. So I kept these things out and me and the foster dog played with them and it felt like the right thing to do.

Just made myself cry writing this though. Bah.
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